Sunshine Kisses

Erik stared at her, that mask still fixed on his face. For the first time in her life, she couldn’t recognise any emotion in his eyes, the usual sparkling flecks of silver dull and lifeless. And more than anything else, it was that unfeeling expression that threatened to destroy her.

‘I think you should go,’ Abby said quickly.

She knew—on some level, she knew—that if he didn’t truly want her, having him in that way and then spending the rest of their lives politely ignoring the memory might have hurt worse than the alternative. But the opportunity to pretend he was actually hers, even just for a few hours…she was sick enough to know she wanted to give in to the delusion.

They could have come back from a single night together. They could have laughed off the awkwardness in the morning, said goodbye in a few days, and gone back to their regular email schedule. By the time he came home in a month, they’d have been normal again. Abby would have been broken, but at least she’d still have her best friend.

But for the second time in her life, she was sure she had ruined things with Erik. And she feared they had run out of chances to repair it.

She held it together until he slammed the door, then collapsed on her side, heaving as the dam broke and tears flooded from her eyes.

Seven years before

Say Don’t Go – Taylor Swift

W

hen Erik woke the following morning, he bolted up the stairs, ready to spend the day making up for lost time. Maybe he could take Abby to her favourite breakfast place and they could snuggle in the corner booth while they shared cinnamon flapjacks and fresh berries. After, a long walk with plenty of time to talk and hold her hand and kiss. He was planning on doing a lot of kissing.

But when he entered his bedroom to wake her, his bed was neatly made, and Abby was gone.

Everything okay?

Erik ignored his phone as he showered, brushed his teeth, and got dressed, as if not looking would make her text back faster. When she still hadn’t responded, he grabbed his house keys and ran out the door, heart pounding in his chest.

She’d seemed so happy the night before. She’d kissed him back at the lake. He could still feel the ghost of her body pressed into his. They had traded smiles on the drive home. She had smiled after that whisper of a goodnight kiss too.

But Abby never volunteered to leave after spending the night at his house. A sense of obligation might see her shuffling home sometime in the afternoon, but typically they spent warm days lazing in the garden, reading side by side. At the very least, they always ate breakfast together.

She’d never left before Erik had even woken up.

Her dad let him in when he got to the house, gesturing up the stairs with a nod of his head. While Andrew was typically an early riser, he only started talking after his second cup of coffee.

There was no answer when Erik knocked on Abby’s bedroom door. No answer when he called her name softly. That pit of dread settled deeper in his stomach as he turned the door handle and was greeted by the sight of her sitting on the floor, headphones on, cuddling a toy he’d won at a fair a million years before. He was amazed she still had it.

As he got closer, he noticed the red rings around her eyes. Fuck.

‘Hey,’ Abby murmured, pulling her headphones off.

‘What’s wrong?’ Erik asked, cautiously taking the last few steps towards her. ‘Why did you leave so early? And why didn’t you wake me first?’

‘Nothing’s wrong. I just…’ She attempted a smile. Her lips barely curved up.

‘Don’t lie to me,’ Erik begged, dropping to sit in front of her so they were eye to eye. ‘Please. Did…did I do something last night?’ He’d thought it was a dream, but her face was saying otherwise.

‘No. You were fine.’ Still, she tried to widen that wobbly smile. ‘It was late, and we were tired, and on a high from the dance, I think. And that’s why we kissed, right?’

No. No.

Erik shook his head, pain pinching at his heart. Every ounce of self-preservation in his body screamed at him to lie, to tell her what she clearly wanted to hear. But these words had been threatening to burst from him for years, and he’d been so sure it was finally the moment.

Maybe she was just scared, like he had been for so long. Maybe she needed some reassurance, to know that he was in this for real. He’d thought the kiss would be enough to show her. An oversight on his part. Abby needed words.

‘Abby, I kissed you because I have feelings for you. Because I’ve had feelings for you for a while. And if I misread things that badly, I’m sorry. Really. But it seemed like…it seemed like you might feel the same. You said it was a perfect kiss,’ he finished softly.

She shook her head, silver tears threatening in the corners of her eyes. ‘It was a great kiss. I just think,’ she paused, drawing in a ragged breath, ‘I think it would be better if we stayed friends.’

The words were like a shard of ice to his heart, freezing over any remnants of joy from the night before.