Sunshine Kisses

They shared a panicked look. Current activities aside, the last thing she needed was her mother having unrestricted access to her room.

Thankfully, Erik shared her sentiments. ‘Get under the covers and turn off the light,’ he told Abby, grabbing her gown from its spot on the back of her door and tying it securely around himself.

She snuggled under the duvet, pulling the blankets halfway over her head.

‘Hey, Mrs B,’ she heard Erik say as he opened the door, his voice muffled by the fabric around her head. ‘Abby’s already asleep. I was just getting ready for a shower when I heard you knocking.’

‘I really should check on her. Is she okay?’

Wrapped in her cocoon, Abby rolled her eyes. It was a cruel irony in having doctors for parents. They spent so much of their lives tending to other sick people that they hadn’t had time to nurse her when she was ill. The last time her mother had looked after her when she was sick, she’d been ten years old. Since then, it had been Erik appearing at their door with meds, a portion of the homemade chicken soup his mother always had in the freezer, and a comforting pair of arms. No, Nora had definitely put her up to this.

‘She’s absolutely fine. She wouldn’t want you fussing. I’m sure she just needs to sleep it off, and I’ll be right next door if she needs anything.’

Abby could hear the tremor in his voice, the tell-tale sign that he was lying. She doubted Susan noticed.

‘You’ve always been such a good young man. Well, you know where to find us if you need anything.’

‘Good night, Mrs B.’

Abby could hear the soft, smooth smile in his voice before he shut the door. She had already tossed the covers off by the time he crossed back and sat on the edge of the mattress.

‘Do you think they’re trying to kill the mood?’ he asked.

‘I think they’re going to have to work a lot harder than that to kill my mood.’ Abby reached for his hand and tugged him down towards her.

They fell back into a kiss, but something in Erik’s state had shifted. The press of his lips had lost its urgency. His hands had ceased exploring, instead planting themselves firmly on her waist. He pulled away as she reached for his belt again.

‘Abby, are you sure you want to do this?’

Yes. But if he was hesitating…

‘Why would you even ask that?’

He paused before answering. A moment too long.

‘Do you want this, Erik? Because I’ve shown myself to be plenty eager at least three times, and every time you’ve pushed me away.’ The panic that had flooded her heart was quickly manifesting as anger. ‘So what is it you want, exactly? I can’t keep trying to figure you out.’

‘I know it doesn’t mean anything.’

She’d considered that possibility, but hearing him say it didn’t hurt any less.

‘I just— I don’t want to lose my best friend, okay? I want to make sure we can go back to being us after this without it being weird.’

‘And that’s what you want? To be friends?’ Abby was amazed at how measured her voice sounded, when tears were already pricking the backs of her eyes.

‘Isn’t that what you want?’

‘Sure, Erik.’ Bitterness filled her laugh. ‘That’s what I want. You know, I didn’t start this. I wasn’t the one acting jealous and possessive because my friend was talking to someone else. I didn’t suggest drunk truth or dare. I didn’t take us to a secluded spot to hook up.’

Erik’s face was cold, closed off in that way she had seen many times, but never because of her.

‘I didn’t ask for any of this. I think you masterminded this whole thing, and now you’re too much of a coward to go through with it, and you want me to give you an out.’ Her grip on her composure was strengthening as she let her emotions leech out of her. But the alternative, the pain of acknowledging that this man—who had held and supported her through every difficult part of her life—could not be allowed to see her break at that moment, was far more devastating. Her feelings for him were the only thing she’d ever needed to hide. So she consoled herself that this was just a natural extension of that truth. She would remain cool, and calm, and hoard her emotions until she was safely alone.

‘That’s really what you think, Sunshine?’

No. He couldn’t call her that. That nickname that meant so much to her, that was steeped in decades of history. She couldn’t have it poisoned by this ugly version of them.

‘Yeah, I do. And you know what, Erik? You’ve got your wish. I don’t want this.’