Lib Novel Page 86
“I dunno.”
“You’re…” I sucked in another breath, the truth spilling free. “You’re what I should’ve been, you know?”
“And you’re who I was born to replace,” Collin countered. “At least…if you listen to idiots.”
“I don’t know how to talk to you.”
“Ditto, man.”
“I don’t know how to talk to anyone.” I squeezed the steering wheel tight enough it creaked. You’re talking to Collin, my brain unhelpfully pointed out. “I think I’m broken.”
“That’s okay.”
“Is it?” It didn’t feel okay.
“Sure it is.” Collin shrugged. “Richard once almost hit me with his car and I still love him.”
“Wait, what?”
“He didn’t see me. To be fair, I was going really fast, and kinda jumped in front of the car to see if he’d stop. But still. The point still stands. Family is family, man. Some people suck, but we don’t.”
“You jumped in front of his car?” I stared at him, horrified.
“Intrusive thoughts, dude.” Collin shrugged. “Not my fault.”
“That was totally your fucking fault.”
“Still.” Collin grinned, eyes dancing.
“You’re so happy,” I blurted, accidentally, my brain to mouth filter apparently broken. “And very…you. You—I mean…” I tried again. “You know who you are.” This conversation had only solidified that fact in my mind. “I’m not like that.”
Why keep me around when I didn’t provide any value?
“I didn’t get kidnapped, or raised by a murderous bitch,” Collin countered, his voice just the right amount of sarcastic for his words to strike me where I needed them. Where I was gooey and soft and vulnerable. “I feel like…considering what happened to you, you’re doing pretty damn good. Cut yourself some fucking slack. And damaged or not, I know for a fact that Richard, Blair, and I just want you to be our fucking brother, dude. Wow. That sounds so weird. I mean—it’s complicated? Because Blair and Richard…and yeah. Whatever. You know what I mean.”
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t breathe?—
I couldn’t?—
You deserve to be happy.
Don’t you think it’s time to move on?
You know I don’t blame you, right?
“Okay. Let’s be done with the dramatics. I reached my quota for the day,” Collin replied, gently rubbing my shoulder, earlier hesitance gone. “But for the the third fucking time—I do want to know you. So if you change your mind about talking more…I’m here. Not like, here here, because obviously I’ll have to go home at some point—but yeah.”
“Right,” I echoed, melting a little beneath the touch, because I couldn’t help it. He could see my cracks. He could see them and yet he wasn’t…he wasn’t running. I didn’t get it. I didn’t get any of this.
“So,” Collin said, and I feared for my sanity that he’d start questioning me again. “I heard you got a dog?”
Apparently mercy was something even nosy teenagers could offer.
Collin was surprisingly good company when I wasn’t actively self-sabotaging our relationship. He knew all the Taylor Swift songs that mattered, he ate more food than I did, and when we finally arrived at our destination, he made quick work of loading all the chairs into the truck.
He was so distracting with his chipper attitude and his loud personality I almost forgot about the weird conversation we’d had in the car.