Hunt Me! I Crave the Chase (Spooky Boys #3)

“I know,” Collin gestured at himself. “It’s gross, right? But, I mean—look at me? Do I look sad?”

I stared at him, like…really stared.

His eyes were bright, his body was relaxed, and his expressive mouth was twisted into a sunny grin. He didn’t look sad. At all. In fact he looked like he was eating this shit up.

“I mean, yeah, they piss me off and the whole ‘turn with us, you li’l bitch’ thing bothers me. But I’m me, and I like me—and I’m fine.” Collin stared at me. “And I’ll be fine. No matter how often they bug me.”

I wasn’t sure why he was telling me this.

“Which is why I don’t get you,” Collin said, tone softening. “You’re so fake man. Everyone can see it. We’ve all been through enough shit that we recognize the signs. You think we don’t get it? Because we do.”

“Get what?” My voice cracked a little.

“That you’ve seen shit.” Collin’s fingers tapped against his biceps as he stared me down—so fucking brave, and so little—and so…naive. “That you’re drowning.”

That I’m drowning.

A wet laugh escaped me, and once I started I couldn’t seem to stop.

I turned away from him, not sure what the look on my face was—only that I didn’t want him to see. It was ugly, ugly, ugly. And I knew that. I was ugly. Not my outsides, but the inner bits. Burnt black and charred, and withered after years held above flame.

“We’re your family,” Collin said, like it was that simple. “We wanted you to come back.”

“You wanted Markus,” I repeated, because that was what I’d thought—that was what I’d feared, all along. And even though he’d already said that wasn’t the case, I figured he just genuinely didn’t get it. Maybe he needed it spelled out. “Not me.”

“You’re stupid if you think that,” Collin replied immediately. “And also don’t know how to fucking listen.”

Maybe I was stupid.

Maybe he was right, because I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Are you…are you okay?” His hand hovered over my shoulder now and the hesitance there hurt more than his words did. “Like I get that you’re not. I mean…you got kidnapped and like—this all has to be so weird. Coming back here. Living here. Meeting us–me. But are you okay?”

Another laugh escaped me, and I wished I could take it back. “I’m fine.” I tried to wave him off.

Collin didn’t even justify that with a response. He simply laid his palm on my shoulder, the warmth bleeding into me as I sucked in a fortifying breath.

“I’m fine,” I repeated, because I had to be.

Because I had no choice.

“It’s okay if you’re not,” he said gently, like I hadn’t said anything at all. “Do you…maybe want to talk?” Collin asked, his voice gentle. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to open up to. But like…I want to know you, you know? Even though you’re a shit liar—and you give me stank face all the time. I’m at least better at listening than you are.”

“You’re the one that gives me weird looks!” I snorted, more amused this time.

“Only because you started it.”

“I did not.”

“You did.”

“Fuck.” I sucked in a breath, trying not to laugh. “Look, I just…” I guess I kinda had been the first one. “It’s just…like you said. It’s weird…being here. It’s good but it hurts too, you know? I don’t…I don’t know who I am, or what you want from me. What anyone wants from me.”

“What if we don’t want anything?” Collin countered.

“Everyone always wants something.”

“That’s fucking sad, dude.” Collin frowned. “And not true.”