Comp's Chance

“Sunshine,” I say to stop her from rambling and waking the kids. “I’m fine, I promise. I just need a bit more sleep.” I wince, but she’s too busy chewing on her thumbnail and looking around the room nervously.

“Okay, well, I’ll get the kids up and move them to my room. We will leave you alone for the night,” she says, walking around the side of the bed.

“It’s okay, don’t wake them up,” I tell her, not wanting any of them to leave yet. She looks at me like she wants to argue, but nods in agreement.

“Okay, well, I’ll be just down the hall. Let me know if you need anything, please. Don’t get up; just yell for me,” she says, turning and walking from the room.

“Sunshine!” I say, stopping her. She turns back to me, and when I have her full attention, I hold my hand out to her.

“Lay with me?” I ask. She’s already shaking her head no.

“You were hurt, Nix. Badly,” she says. That stops me, and I look down at my chest, wanting to make sure I’m wearing a shirt or at least some sort of bandage so she can’t see the message carved into my skin. The twins told me what it said, and I refuse to let her see it and have that weight on her conscience.

“Please. I’m fine. Just come lay with me. I need to know I’m back here, at the clubhouse, in the room, with you,” I tell her. The nightmares and PTSD from the whole situation haven’t started yet. I don’t know if it will ever hit me or if I’m just too used to the fucked up shit that seems to happen in my life… but that doesn’t mean I won’t use the sympathy card with her to get what I want.

She looks at me hard for a minute before I see her finally waiver.

“Fine, but you stay on your side. No turning, no moving, and no cuddling,” she says sternly.

“No cuddling? How am I supposed to get through the night?” I ask, sticking my lower lip out a bit. It has the desired effect, though, and she smiles, shaking her head before stepping closer to the bed and laying down. She stays far away from me, and I can’t physically pull her into my arms like I’m dying to do, so I just lay there, happy knowing she’s safe in my bed.

“I was so scared,” she says softly into the dark. I feel the bed shift, and then she slides her hand into mine, holding on for dearlife. I feel the ache of where my fingernails used to be, but I don’t tell her; I just squeeze her hand back.

“Nothing would have stopped me from getting back here to you,” I tell her.

I swear I hear her sniff before she mutters, “Goodnight, Nix.”

“Goodnight, Sunshine,” I tell her, closing my eyes and dreaming of a life full of her sunlight, Paisley’s smile and laughter, and taking them both to meet my parents. Right before I wake up, I see an image that will be stuck in my mind forever.

Sunny stood with a halo of light surrounding her, Paisley holding her hand, and I stood tall behind her, smiling and holding her growing belly.

Please don’t let me wake from this.

Sixteen

SUNNY

“Sunshine,” I hear the nickname Comp gave me, whispered through the air. Every time I hear him call me that, another layer chips away from around my heart. I feel warm and so damn comfortable. I’m not ready to move, but I know Paisley will wake me up any minute for some food, so I slowly open my eyes. When I do, what I find surprises me. The eyes staring back at me aren’t the green eyes of my baby girl. They’re the steely silver eyes of Nix.

“Good morning,” I whisper. Unable to help myself, I move a piece of hair off his forehead. His eyes soften even more, something I didn’t think was possible.

“Morning, Sunshine,” he says before closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against mine. I can see the emotions cross his face, and I try to sit up to get a better look and read his thoughts.

Before I can sit up, though, he grunts, and his face shows pain slashing across it. That’s the moment I realize just how close we actually are. I am wrapped around every inch of Nix, head to toe, and I couldn’t stop the blush if I wanted to. I must have clung to him in the middle of the night and basically tried to crawl under his skin, quite literally. The man’s only been homefor one night after the hell he was put through, and here I am, making it worse.

“I am so sorry,” I gasp, attempting to pull away, but he places his hand on my lower back, holding me in place.

“I need to know you’re here. That I’m here with you. Just give me a little longer,” he asks softly.

I relax as much as I can on top of him, but I’m worried about causing him more pain. God, I can’t even imagine the pain he went through. I can feel the emotions riding up in my throat, and I need to get out of here to get myself under control. I just need to get myself together.

“I need to check on Paisley,” I tell him, but don’t move. He must hear the emotion in my voice because he lays his forehead next to mine and takes a deep breath.

“Halle came early this morning and took them. They wanted to go skating, so they are at the skating rink,” he tells me. I nod my head, but I can’t get my brain to stop.

“Don’t,” he tells me. I sniff, trying with all my might to hold in the tears. I know exactly what he’s trying to tell me, but it won’t work.

“It was me, though,” I say and break down.