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“I don’t know.”
He sighs, and it breaks my heart.
I love him. I want him, but the bubble I am in is so fragile, a gust of wind could break it.
“I have to go. I have dinner with my parents and Kaden’s.”
“Planning the wedding?”
“Possibly.”
The silence on the other end has me opening my mouth to retract that, to maintain our dreamlike existence.
“This is not our time, Dane.”
“This is it, then? Was I even, for one fucking second, the person you’d choose?”
“I can’t not choose him.”
He hangs up, and I drop to my knees, sobbing. Despair clangs in my heart, the beats turning weaker—I am dying inside.
I don’t know how long I stay there, curled into a fetal position with my cheek on the floor. Misery wraps its tentacles around my neck, suffocating me. But I can’t even afford to hurt in peace. Expectations and obligations await me.
I change into a pale pink A-line, knee-length dress and apply a bit of makeup. I stare at my reflection, bloodshot eyes from crying, but keeping a fake smile on. Just thinking of Dane, it cracks.
“Ready?” Kaden asks from behind the door.
“As I’ll ever be.”
My nerves are a breathing dragon, searing my insides as we drive to the Family compound. My unease crackles like static in the car. Squirming in my seat and fidgeting with my hands in my lap, I try to channel the Abigail expected of me—well-behaved, obedient, and dutiful.
When Kaden parks, he says, “We’re going to be okay.”
I offer a small nod, and we walk side by side toward the two-story, English colonial-style home.
Even our houses look similar to fit the homogenous image we present to the world. Inside, my parents give me a cursory hug, eyeing me with sheer disappointment. It should feel less like a blow by now, but even after years, it still hurts.
Kaden’s mother, Christine, smiles at me, offering her silent support. She appears to be the most genuine person among the seniors. She has a glass of wine in her hand. I want one too—desperately– to calm my erratic nerves.
Felix crushes me with his hard expression, jaw set in a tight line and eyes scorching. I take it as the warning it is.
Kaden and I walk toward the dining room in stiff silence. Taking our seats, Felix asks me, “How was the study group?”
“It was great.”
“I don’t know why she bothers.”
Thank you, Mother. I truly don’t know how to handle all the support. In the Family, the females never had to pursue a career. But I want something more.
Kaden squeezes my knee while his mother smiles brokenly from behind her glass. Look at her. A famous pianist until Felix put his claws in her. Her career didn’t matter anymore, so she had to quit. The alliance of two rich families was more important than her aspiration. Now, she’s a shadow of herself.
“I hear you’ve made a friend,” Felix continues.
I could play stupid or try to diffuse the situation.
“Dane. I wouldn’t call him a friend.”
I force calming breaths in and out while his cold eyes are fixed on my neck, as if my sin is written there in neon letters.