Trust (London Love #5)

“So you put the blame on one band member, and that band member only, for your career having ground to a very abrupt halt?” That was the other news anchor, a bloke leaning over the table, his eyes shifting to the camera as he continued. “We understand there are several lawsuits pending, and we’ve tried to get an official statement from Blitz, but their management has declined to comment. We, of course, invited the rest of the Blitz band to come on the Breakfast Show this morning, but we had no response from any of your former band members, Lee. What is your take on that?”

Good question, I thought.

He’s full of shit, Gray sent.

Good. He was angry. At least he was still fighting. I wasn’t sure I would be with the accusations Lee was making. Media training was a thing, and he was acting like a child. Whinge, whinge, whinge.

What’s up with him? I texted, not really expecting a reply, but I got one anyway. A long one.

It’s all kind of true. I’ve always been a dick. I was always the big star, and Lee, especially, hated it. He’s a good singer, and yeah, he’s talented. Writes good songs. Was never allowed to, though, because we had a sound, and I could churn that shit out without thinking. Kind of the same song over and over again. Boring as anything, but it sold. People loved it.

Okay.

And he’s right. I was always selfish. And I kind of picked on Lee at times. He was always a little shit. I’m a horrible person, Reubs. But you know that.

You’re not a horrible person. I sent that and then I rang him. Because this was bloody ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah, showbiz and all that. This was a human being, getting ripped to shreds in public, and that worried me more than I wanted to admit.

He picked up, I could hear him breathing, which was at least…a start.

“Hey,” I said.

“You talking to me now?”

“You’re talking to me?”

“No, I’m watching Lee trash us all on TV. Nobody knew about this little stunt, but—wait for it—he’s got a book coming out and has this whole promotional tour planned. The Whole Truth About Blitz, it’s called. There’s a fly-on-the-wall documentary as well, following him around. Won’t be pretty. All this was supposed to coincide with the release of our new album. So yeah, Lee is pissed off. He was finally taking centre stage, spilling all our secrets. Musa is bloody fuming.”

“Who’s Musa again?” I knew, but…well, I had to say something.

“Reubs?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to talk to me.”

“Of course I do.” I almost finished that sentence with because you’re my boyfriend, which pissed me off no end. I wasn’t, and what the hell, brain?

“I’m…I…”

“How are you, Gray? Really?” The Gray I knew was funny and upbeat and kind of quirky. This Gray sounded wrong.

“I’m staying with my mum and dad. They got rid of my bed, so I’m kipping on the sofa. Bit of an upgrade from your single bed, but…” I could hear the rest of that sentence, loud and clear, yet the fact that he’d for once stopped himself and hadn’t done the usual guilt tripping and manipulation meant a lot.

“Gray, we need to…”

Why was it that I only needed to hear his voice and I was sucked straight back in? I had him speaking in my ear, but I could see his face clearly in front of me, every little bit of it. The way his nose curved. His sharp jaw. That tousled hair.

“I really miss you,” he said. “I know I fucked up. I fuck up everything. I mean, even my mum has asked when I’m going back to London. And I tried to help Dad with his car and he shouted at me.”

Hard to believe, sometimes, that he was older than me.

“I want to tell you so much. I really miss talking to you, but I know I messed up. It was all my fault. I need to learn how to not behave like that.”

“Like what?” I knew what he was saying, but I wanted to see if he could admit it.

“Like an entitled, spoilt child.” He let a little giggle slip. “Those are my mother’s words, by the way.”

“She’s not wrong, but don’t be so hard on yourself. I can be just as bad. We all make mistakes.”