Sunshine Kisses

And it didn’t matter. Because she’d had her chance, and she’d thrown it away.

Teary and tipsy was how Sarah had found her an hour later, and she immediately launched into crisis management mode. She forced Abby into a shower while she ran to the corner shop for another case of wine. By the time she came back, their Chinese was being delivered, and it all came spilling out over far too much broccoli chicken and multiple bottles of wine.

Abby told her the extent of her history with Erik. How they’d been inseparable since birth. That every major moment in her life had been spent by his side. The easy physical and emotional intimacy that had come from knowing him so well. All things Sarah knew, at least on some level. But finally, choking through the thickness in her throat, she moved on to more recent history.

For the first time ever, she told Sarah about their leaver’s ball. The night she had rested her head on Erik’s chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her as they swayed, and finally confronted the full force of her feelings for him. She’d marvelled at how it was possible to contain so much, and wondered how she had possibly mistaken it for anything less than what it was: overwhelming, all-consuming love. He had looked at her like he wanted to kiss her, and for the first time, she’d admitted to herself that he looked at her that way rather a lot. And that she’d been looking back the same way.

It was the night before she had made the biggest mistake of her life, and she told Sarah about that painful memory, and everything that had come after. The years of pining for her best friend, trying desperately not to want the one thing she couldn’t have. Surviving on every scrap of Erik she could get in the months he was away, then bathing herself in him for the short times they were together.

Sarah had let her confess and cry and feel sorry for herself. And a few days later, when Abby was feeling slightly less vulnerable, she had told her she was an idiot if she thought Erik didn’t feel the same.

‘And I stand by what I said back then,’ Sarah continued loudly. ‘He’s as hopelessly in love with you as you are with him. Has he gone back to taking absolutely any excuse to touch you? Kissing your cheek or your forehead or your hand or your hair about five times a minute? Putting an arm around your waist and pulling you in close? Because that’s not normal, hun. And if it was as innocent and platonic as you insist it is, all that touching wouldn’t suddenly stop as soon as one of you starts seeing someone. Because it means something. You two are addicted to each other. In like a cute, romantic, non-toxic way,’ she finished, wrinkling her nose.

The words pierced Abby’s heart. She knew that was why she craved Erik. Why she allowed the touching, encouraged it even. But even entertaining the idea that it was mutual hurt too much. Because when the bubble on her delusion burst, it would destroy her.

‘He wants to talk,’ Abby said meekly.

‘It’s the boring approach.’ Sarah shrugged. ‘I’m still a firm proponent of the plan where you put down the phone, barge into his room, and start aggressively making out, but talking is probably not a bad idea. You’re on holiday. Together. In adjacent rooms. With your parents. How long do you think you can possibly avoid him for?’

‘You’re a genius!’

Sarah’s face said obviously.

‘I can’t avoid him forever, but I can avoid being alone with him. In which case we can’t talk about any of this. For the rest of the trip, I’ll just go along with all the ridiculous old people things our parents want to do.’

It would be agonising, but less so than facing Erik after what had just happened.

‘Or you could act like a grownup,’ Sarah said cheerily. ‘Talk it out, then bang it out. Just saying.’

Abby chose to ignore that. Another thought gave her pause.

‘What do I do about Finn?’

‘Do you like him?’

‘He’s cute and he’s lovely and I had a good time with him—‘ Abby faltered.

‘…and his is not the name you were moaning,’ Sarah finished.

Abby nodded glumly.

‘I’m going to say one more time that I think you should walk next door and jump him. But since I know you’re not going to do that, get some sleep, hun. Text Finn and tell him you don’t want to meet up. While you’re at it, maybe book an emergency session with the therapist you’ve been ignoring to talk about why you think you don’t deserve nice things. Then face up to Erik. If he’s a dick about it, forget the rest of the trip and come home early. But he won’t be. And I think that scares you more than anything.’

‘I hate how smart you are,’ Abby grumbled.

Sarah blew a kiss and adjusted the top of her dress. ‘Zoe’s almost here and I’m all tapped out on advice. Time to go make poor decisions of my own.’

Chapter 12

Secrets – OneRepublic

A

fter a night of fitful sleep and hours spent tossing, Abby slipped out of bed at six and rushed to shower and dress before walking down to breakfast alone. Despite Sarah’s advice, she was ready to settle in for a long day of avoiding her possibly former best friend. Maybe she’d find it in herself to face him eventually. After they parted ways on Tuesday afternoon, he’d have a full month to forget what he’d seen. And by the time he got back to England at the end of April, they could try to put it behind them entirely. Perhaps she could avoid actually discussing the event forever.

Her parents found her there, plate already filled with everything she could possibly want from the buffet to minimise the risk of Erik cornering her on a return trip. He frowned at her as he approached the table, setting his jacket down before going to dish his own food.

‘You couldn’t wait to walk down together this morning?’ he asked when he returned to his seat.