Sunshine Kisses

Good night

I’m sorry

E

rik’s string of texts were going to remain unanswered.

Abby had never been so mortified.

She wasn’t even angry at him. She was the one who had been caught out. But telling him he could stop apologising would mean facing him and talking to him and there was no universe in which she was prepared for that to happen. Talking to him would mean that she had to apologise, thereby acknowledging that she’d been caught with her pants down—literally—moaning her best friend’s name. And that wasn’t exactly polite British breakfast conversation.

Mulling over the options available to her, she determined that leaving in the middle of the night, changing her identity, and going into hiding w as the only rational response to what had just happened.

‘I can never show my face outside this room again,’ Abby said by way of greeting as the megawatt smile of her second favourite person in the world filled the screen. By this time tomorrow, Sarah would probably have moved into the number one spot. Abby would need one contact left on the outside world.

‘Oh, honey, you look wrecked. Please tell me that big strong man is taking a shower after absolutely ruining you.’ Sarah looked gleeful.

‘In a manner of speaking.’ Abby took stock of her friend’s expertly applied makeup. The dress revealing a scientifically perfect amount of cleavage. ‘Are you on your way out? This can wait.’

‘A new guy started in Zoe’s office this week and she wants to go drinking to forget what a prick he is.’ Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘Ten pounds says they’re screwing within a month. That can wait. This absolutely cannot. Spill!’

Sarah’s smirk grew impossibly big as Abby recounted the events of the trip so far, starting with their unplanned night in the same bed, continuing to Erik’s weird intensity the evening before, their spat in the pool, and finishing with, well, the climax.

‘Okay, can we go back to the fact that he was spooning you? Like, two utensils in a drawer, your butt pressed against his dick, full-on spooning?’

Abby grimaced. ‘I may have…snuggled? A little. Right before he bolted away from me and put as much space between us as the bed would physically allow.’

Sarah cackled. ‘Aaaand that would be the moment he realised he was about to get a boner. And if he doesn’t have one right now, there might actually be something wrong with that man. Which begs the question: what the fuck are you doing sitting here talking to me?’

‘It’s not funny!’ Abby wailed. ‘He must be disgusted with me. And I’ll have you know I am one hundred percent blaming you for this. Up until two days ago I didn’t even own a vibrator.’

‘Would that have stopped any of this from happening?’

‘It might have made what was happening slightly less obvious!’

‘Sweetie, if you looked like that, there is absolutely no doubt he still would have known exactly what you were doing. And how you look, by the way, is stupid hot. I’d do you right now, and you know I don’t care for blondes. So again I ask you, why are you here when he is right next door. I don’t care what you say, there’s no fucking way he’s not horny as hell. So go get your man, who I guarantee would be very easily persuaded to do absolutely unspeakable things to you. I’m amazed he didn’t just pounce on you during that little scene in the pool. Then walking in on you like that? It’s a wonder he didn’t explode on the spot.’

Abby winced, casting her mind to the shock and panic on Erik’s face as he’d realised what he was seeing. ‘I think I really fucked up, Sarah,’ she said softly. ‘Touching yourself while you’re thinking about a celebrity or a fictional character is whatever, right? But a real-life person? Who is also your oldest friend?’

That familiar sense of shame and guilt washed over her, magnified by the embarrassment of Erik’s interruption and her fear of his response.

‘I’m pretty sure it becomes okay when you two were just five seconds away from ripping each other’s clothes off in a public space. And sweetie,’ Sarah’s voice softened, ‘I know you have some hang ups around sex stuff; it’s why I bought the toy for you in the first place. Everyone deserves good orgasms if they want them. But what you just did? It’s pretty normal. From your perspective, it’s unfortunate that the object of your fantasies walked in when he did. From his perspective…let’s just say I’d be shocked if he’s never done the same thing. I guarantee you the only thing Erik is upset about right now is that he’s alone in his bed.’

‘I’ve told you, he doesn’t—’

‘And I’ve told you: you’re in denial. I’ve never met two people so deliberately blind. Have you actually seen the way he looks at you, Abby? Sweetie, I get warm and flustered when I’m in the same room as you two. It’s this, like, pure, sweet adoration—I know you see that, at least, even if you’re woefully misguided about what it means—but under that there’s this simmering heat like he wants to take a bite out of you. You are most definitely not just his friend,’ Sarah spat, ‘and don’t even try telling me you don’t think of him that way, because I have a soy sauce stain on my favourite rug that says otherwise.’

From the moment Sarah had met Erik four years before, every time he came up she mentioned how unfairly hot he was. How palpable the chemistry he had with Abby was. How clearly he was into her.

And Abby had spent years immediately denying it. Effusively reminding Sarah that he was her best friend. That she’d known him forever. That they didn’t see each other that way. And for almost six years, Sarah had simply smiled and rolled her eyes at Abby’s protests.

But a few months earlier, just a handful of days after Abby had spent the night with Finn, she had received an email from Erik. It was no different to his usual communication. He had caught her up on what was happening at work, given her some film recommendations, and asked for book suggestions. Still, a piece of her heart she’d been forcing down for years rose to the surface as she read his words, bringing with it an overwhelming host of feelings that had been suppressed and ignored.

She could have convinced herself she was still raw from her breakup with Sam. Could have made herself believe that the discomfort she’d felt after sleeping with Finn had come from trying to move on too quickly. Instead, she’d sat on the floor of her bedroom, glass of wine in hand, looking through old photos with Erik and sobbing from the pain of facing her feelings for the first time in seven years.

She was in love with her best friend.

She had been for a long time.