Sink With Me

The shower stops with my heart. I’ve never had this much trouble. It’s alarming how normal taking lives has become, but not as worrisome as knowing that I can’t take his. My tongue darts out to wet my bottom lip. I can do this. So I count to two, letting only a small amount pour into the mug. The liquid drizzles just enough that the strong scent has me biting back a gag silently praying he can’t smell it through the tea.

The shower curtain makes an ungodly noise against the rail. My heart thumps in my ears, making me dizzy. Opening a cabinet, I set the vial at the back. Then I see the devil himself, standing in the bathroom frame with a towel wrapped low around his waist and that stupid confused look on his face.

“Can we go back to bed?” I ask, hardly recognizing my voice holding out the mug to him. His eyes soften the slightest bit, lightening the dark, mesmerizing green with each step he takes in my direction. I’ve never felt sorry for many things in my life. If I do something, it’s for a reason. But this moment right here makes the word sing through my veins, wishing to spill from my lips. His fingers brush mine, taking the cup, swallowing a healthy drink, making my heart fall into the pit of my stomach.

It’s better by my hands than anyone else’s.

“Of course.” His face sours even as he tries to conceal himself by turning his head to set the cup down and taking my hand. What if I’ve always been wrong?

Curling in the sheets, I stay in my fatigues, thankful he does not question me while he puts on a pair of boxers, making the bed dip, pulling my body close. His breathing is even, calm, fingers brushing through my hair, catching a tangle every once in a while. If only it stayed like this forever.

“I did something I’ve never done and went through my fathers’ private diaries today. All the things I’ve been wondering were there, scrawled in his writing. I should’ve done it sooner, I know that now.” I tilt my head on his chest with my brows pulled low in confusion.

“You know why your parents were heading here? It was just supposed to be a meeting–a pit stop before they went to wander the countries ‘protect the land’. They liked checking in on him from what he wrote.” He continues wrapping his other arm around me so he can better adjust himself on his side.

“Oh?” I run my finger over his chest, watching his muscles flex from the motion, distracting myself with the steady movement from the churning in my stomach.

“When the first ship sank, he called Bay and suggested a meeting. He knew something was wrong. He was a well-organized man willing to fight but he didn’t want to play dirty anymore, per my mother’s request.” A smile stretches his lips but doesn’t reach his eyes. I know the look of missing someone close because I wear it all too much. His expression turns solemn as he lets out a heavy breath. “He had me wait at the edge of the base while they talked. Wanted me to learn how to handle situations like that without interference despite my protest. Things got heated and the next thing I knew, he was lying motionless on the ground…” My hand stills, feeling the rapid thump beneath my fingers mirroring my heart rate.

I’d been wrong this whole time.

“I should’ve gone after the man, but I couldn’t leave him there, so I sat with him until his blood soaked through the sand.” He presses his lips to my head, but I know it’s more of a movement to comfort himself than me. “It took me a while to realize it was just a setup to make it look like we had sunk the ship. My father was just collateral damage.”

“Did you ever find out who it was?” I ask, even though I already know. He shakes his head as he pulls back and looks at the ceiling.

“Red.” His soft murmur pulls my attention to the way his eyes droop shut.

I can’t do this.

Date: 5-17-2024

Time: 0356

A hard slap to the face has my hand wrapping around the closest thing I can find. My skin burns and my throat constricts to swallow.

How long was I out for?

“Damn girl, open your eyes.”

Prying my eyes open, I find Karma red-faced with a shit-eating grin, crouched beside the bed with her finger to her lips. The tv buzzes with soft noise and soft light from the moon dips through the large windows shimmering off the sea onto the ceiling. She acts as if it doesn’t even phase her that I hold her life in my hands. I flex my hand around her throat.

“You’re just as insane as them. Cuddling with a corpse?” She covers her mouth to stifle her laugh. “Now come on, we need to leave. The plane is waiting, and I don’t want to be a part of the firework show Dutton planned.”

Irritation bubbles in my stomach as I lose my grip, letting her drop to the floor. It’s logical, wiping the entire base. That’s the whole reason I didn’t kill Tide in the first place, I didn’t want anyone to take his rank and start all over.

I slowly remove Caspian’s limp arm from my waist, gripping hard enough to feel for a pulse, making a show of throwing back on the bed so she wouldn’t check my work like some twisted teacher. I hate the way Karma’s hair looks like fire against the backdrop of the waves rolling, it hits too close to home and makes me want to roll back over and find safety in the only thing that ever felt real. Sliding to the edge of the bed I glance at my boots but quickly avert my eyes before Karma can catch the motion as she brushes invisible dirt from her dark jeans.

I don’t need them.

Maybe this will all be over soon. The war will be done and if I survive, I might be able to fix my broken brain and live the life I want. Sucking in a quiet breath, I step towards the door, realizing that I made my decision on where I belonged before I even recognized it. My footsteps are quiet compared to her boot-covered ones as we move down the hall.

“So, he’s here?” Glancing around the hall I look for any sign of life, only to find none. Think, Sharkie, what are you going to do? I know Dutton’s going to be pissed even if I’ve finished my job.

“You think we’d let you ruin everything? Of course, he is. Don’t be stupid.” She glances up at the corner of the hall as she speaks. I take a breath, rounding another bend through the door to the courtyard. I’m tired and everything hurts from the inside out. Waves crash in the distance and if I listen close enough, I can hear the soldiers bickering on top of the wall. I wish I would’ve got the chance to see the world from up there.

We keep to the shadows towards the large opening, but I don’t miss the light catching a certain blonde walking to the top. Once on the sand, I take a deep breath and look around. It’s darker and more gloomy tonight, giving the beach an eerie feeling. The air sticks to my skin, creating a slimy texture.

“When did you become so psychotic?” I redirect, wrapping my arms around each other to fight off the chill. Her elbow wraps into my own and she lets out one of those dramatic sighs I hate.