Sink With Me

He doesn’t flinch, he barely breathes keeping his line of sight on mine. I feel my fist clench around the cold metal, urging my finger to just finish what I started. Yet he holds me captive just like he always has, flashing every small grin and whispered words through my memory. I was never free; this was never real. It was always some big elaborate plan. He was right to call me his siren.

I will be the end of him.

“It’s okay.” he murmurs, lifting his hand to brush his fingers against my cheek. I jerk away, feeling my skin burn where he touches.

Why can’t I just pull it? Taking a deep inhale, his scent invades my senses, trying to fog me from what I should do. Stop, stop, stop. I need everything to just… With a hard knee to his crotch, I drop his pistol and kick it down the hall as he tumbles to the floor.

I don’t want to hear another lie from his mouth. Everything he says is a lie. Brushing the back of my arm against my nose, I take off at a decent stride down the hall.

“Someone stop her!”

He better be careful what he demands of his team, I won’t hesitate to kill someone. Taking the opportunity, I kick one in the jaw, relishing in the soft crack that vibrates against the walls and the pained grunt that follows. He’s lucky it’s just a broken mandible. The next won’t be as lucky.

The voices in my head jumble any logical thinking. My muscles protest from lack of training and the efforts I’m putting them through, but I couldn’t care less. Adrenaline is a beautiful thing. Each body that tries to pin or tackle mine is plowed to the floor or knocked on its ass.

All the air is ripped out of my lungs as I’m flung onto my back. I’m almost there, so close I can see the door. Throwing my leg out the soldier drops beside me, and before he can attempt to pin my shoulders, I’m on top, pulling his knife from his holster and holding it to his throat.

Caspian’s eyes lock on to mine, paused in the chaos of my destruction. Soldiers sit at his feet aiming pistols and rifles in my direction. He always wanted to be my monster, how does it feel when I’m his? What does he think when there’s another life lost in my hands that he has to clean up? Pressing the blade deeper it’s familiar to the first time I did it to him. The soldier’s pulse point vibrates through the hilt into my palm. I hold another life in my hands, in his territory.

This time there won’t be a warning.

I jerk my wrist, cutting through the soft flesh. Maybe he’ll finally shoot me down. It’d be easier that way. Each second his team stands waiting for a signal, the body below mine loses what little life he’s holding onto. Why won’t he just finish it? My breathing is uneven, dropping the bloody blade to the floor between my fingertips.

What have I done?

Scrambling from the soldier I take off towards the room. The soft click of the lock is almost soothing, but it’s not enough. I grab the chair from beside the island and drag it under the knob slowly backing away from the barrier. The handle shakes as people yell orders and heavy footsteps echo from outside the barrier.

“Come on now, little siren, don’t act like this. It’s okay.” He calls out like there isn’t a soldier bleeding out near his feet. He sucks at this, but what did I expect? He’s obviously not who I thought he was, anyway.

“You’re not coming in unless you want another scar to add to your body.” I threaten while I search the drawers for any sort of weapon. The lock clicks, but the door gets caught on the chair. He lets out a groan that’s loud enough to come through the small crack. Grabbing his knife on the counter, I pull the handle into my hand, feeling the carvings against my skin. What a perfect way to end him. It’s almost symbolic.

“I’d gladly let you mark every inch of my skin. You should know that by now. Just open the bloody door!” He calls out again. I roll my eyes, tucking the blade into the waist of my pants, and slide open the TV closet. I need noise to drown out the sounds in my head.

“You’re sick.”

“I know but I’d rather be sick and willingly sink with you than be sane and watch you drown. You’re triggered right now. Just let me help!” He yells, banging on the door.

I flick through the channels with shaky hands until I find my playlist and turn it on. I know it’s childish, but I don’t care. I turn up the volume until it’s vibrating through my feet. He yells, but it’s muffled. Just what I needed. He has to leave and I need to see Karma and figure out what the actual fuck I’m supposed to do now. If I could just categorize my thoughts, remember my actions, and–

“I’m not apologizing for what I did, but I will apologize for what it’s putting you through!” He yells again. Another lie. Manipulation. That’s all it is. I hope people are staring at him in the hall like he’s crazy because that’s how he sounds. I pace the floor, pushing my hand through my hair. Shouldn’t he be worried about someone else?

“I’ve always sworn that if you were going to hurt, it’d be by me.”

The chair scrapes forward and then falls back into place, making me wince. I wish he’d just stop and give up. I know I have everything else. What’s the point in fighting anymore when right ends up being wrong and wrong is still wrong? Was there ever a good side?

“Will you stay?” He asks, but he doesn’t fight with the door anymore. I don’t think he’s ever asked me to stay. Since the day I got here, I was told I had to. He kept me as a captive, allowing me just a sliver of freedom. Would I stay is a legitimate question that I don’t have an answer to. Wait, yes I do. I shake my head. This is what he does. He confuses me with all this false hope.

It’s time to stop acting like a love-sick teenager or a child in time-out. I’m an adult. This was never going to be easy, but I made my path and it’s time to follow it.

Date: 5-16-2024

Time: 1324

If I want to be inconspicuous, it’s nearly impossible. Each corner of the hall flashes with small red lights, watching my every move. If I don’t want Caspian knowing where I’m at or what I’m doing I might be out of luck, why did I ever think a uniform cap could disguise me in this place?

Each set of eyes lingers too long, setting my teeth on edge, and ramping up my already high adrenaline. Karma is here. It was hard to focus on that fact when everything seemed scrambled in my head.

Is Dutton here too? All of Bay’s finest lurking in the shadows just waiting for the right time?