Sink With Me

Date: 5-16-2024

Time: 0835

I can’t tell if I need to throw up or commit murder. When Moe said he didn’t want to train because he was worried about Tide, I needed answers. He didn’t have any besides the fact Tide rarely goes to the cellars, so I sent him with Jasmine.

I once stayed in the cellars. I can’t imagine anyone being held there unless it was a Bay member or a traitor. If it was someone from my team, then I needed to know.

Now I wish I would’ve ignored it.

“What’s going on?” I say. Each shallow breath doesn’t fill my lungs enough to ease the burn. Not after the little bit I’ve heard. Not after everything I’ve felt.

“Cordelia–” Caspian starts, but I just raise my hand to stop him. I can’t even look at him right now. I thought, maybe–How could I be so stupid? He was the target. He was always the mission, but I let my stupid emotions get in the way. What would my parents say? Oh God… what would Dutton say?

Rule number who knows never turn your back on the enemy.

Not only did I turn my back on what he was capable of, but I gave him everything I was on a silver platter. I brush my thumb to the corner of my mouth. The world is full of evil and now I don’t even know which side I’m on.

Karma grins, replacing what once looked like concern. I’m sure she feels accomplished in some psychotic type of way. I always knew she was a little off her rocker. Without her in my ear this whole time I fell right into Tide’s trap. My throat burns. I failed, but the whole time I’ve been here, I’ve felt closer to the truth than I ever had. I guess that’s the art of manipulation, though.

What am I supposed to do? I could… No. Maybe? I groan. My thoughts are too jumbled, there are too many voices ringing in my head merging and making a buzzing in my ears. I thought maybe–

I shake my head, trying to get the thought to leave as quickly as it came. I’m in too deep, but to my surprise, it’s not in the water this time.

“Hang on a minute.” Caspian calms his voice as if he can hear my thoughts and eases toward me, only for me to step back. My hands go behind my back and my shoulders square. I can only imagine how ridiculous it looks at this moment, but I don’t know how else to put a wall between us.

“Fuck off.” I tilt my chin up as I speak, quickly flicking my gaze past his body to Karma. I half expected my reunion to go better. Maybe a hug that I’d hate or at least a smile. Looking at Karma now, I don’t feel like I know her. I always expected her to throw up in these situations or at least freak out. She’s a prisoner, for fuck’s sake, and she’s smiling. I guess I can’t complain. She’s here and that’s all that matters.

“I knew I’d find you. Like I was saying when our call was interrupted.” She draws out the word as if she were contemplating if it was the best one to use. I narrow my eyes, seeing a ghost of a smirk stretch her mouth. What an odd sight. I’ve only ever seen her do one of those flirty grins.

“Well, I guess you know who he is, but that doesn’t matter, anyway. We can go home now.” She sighs dramatically, making my head throb.

How is she so calm? How is any of this normal? Where is the Karma who went pale at the sight of blood? The woman standing in front of me is unrecognizable to the person I once knew. It’s a reflex I suppose. Being put in a high-threat situation she decided to go the creepy route just as I go the cocky one.

“Home?” I know my tone is just as shocked as the look on Caspian’s face. How can I go to the place where I’m plastered on papers as a traitor? It’s all his fault.

“When I said you needed to get laid, I didn’t mean with the enemy, Sharkie. Don’t say ‘home’ in that tone.” Her voice turns stern, rubbing her hand over each knuckle of her hand. “Don’t worry Dutton and I have already started fixing it.” She continues in a whisper. There’s a wild glint in her eyes as she darts them between our bodies. I can’t help but tilt my head to get a better look at the bruises lining her neck and up to her cheek.

“Just let her go, Tide.” I mumble. I see his shoulders tighten. I can’t remember the last time I used his callsign, not that it matters. Karma’s eyes narrow, but I couldn’t care less how either of them are feeling. I’m a trained soldier with years of experience pushing emotions back.

I can accomplish my mission.

“I’m not doing that.”

“I’m not leaving without you. You’re the whole reason I came to this dump!”

They yell in unison, making my black spots erupt in my vision. They sound like bickering kids. I’ve always been able to handle myself. I’ve killed grown men and fought for my life, yet they behave as if I’m the one acting like a child. What’s worse than drowning? This. He always wanted to be the villain in my story. Well, he finally accomplished it and now he’ll pay. Karma crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her nose in the air as if she just saw the most disgusting thing.

“Fine, but I would appreciate it if you at least saw me off.” She mumbles, and I can almost hear the sorrow in her voice. I don’t give her an answer because I don’t have one. Right now, they all expect something different from me. Tide won’t let her go, I’m not an idiot. I need a plan. I can’t just watch her rot in this cell and I can’t take off without her. This room is fucking suffocating. I turn on my heel and storm out. What am I supposed to do? Making a last-minute decision, I head right back to the area that I always felt safe in. No one can hurt me there. In that area, I can plan.

Blood rushes in my ears, mixing with my heavy footsteps through the corridor. Rooms line either side with only one standing slightly ajar. Funny, this place feels just like Bay headquarters now. I guess it always did, but maybe both Tide and Karma have always been right with their offhand comments. My mind’s not what it should be.

Fingers wrap around my arm, jerking me out of my thoughts and sending my body into a panic. Before I can process who the limb belongs to, I’m pulling a pistol from a holster and pushing it between the eyes of the man I thought I loved. My chest concaves at the thought, making whatever heart I once owned drop into my stomach.

His eyes soften as he slowly releases my elbow. Instead of lowering his hands to his sides, he grabs the barrel, lowering it to his chest as he steps forward. If only I could think. Process what’s happening without having everyone’s voices echoing in my ears. But I can’t. They haunt me day and night.

“If I’m going to die, it’ll be by your hands.”

I press the barrel harder against him, feeling his vest dip below the pressure. It will be by my hands. I should’ve never let him go. It would’ve been easier starting from the beginning than it is now. Pulling back the slide, I take a deep breath through my nose, listening to the familiar sound of a bullet being loaded into the chamber.