Savior Complex: A Small Town Love Triangle Romance

She appraises me for a moment. “No. No, you didn’t.” She inhales, then lets it out. “But God, we had some fun, didn’t we?”

“We did, and we grew a lot too.”

She nods slowly. Then she gives me a hard look. “But of all people, why Nina? If you had to stray, which was such an asshole move, why did it have to be her?”

I don’t have an easy answer for her, even though I know it.

You know when you walk outside and the air just feels right, the sun shining on your skin in a way that penetrates your soul and leaves you with goosebumps? How you’ll inhale, and you’re aware of every millimeter of expansion and how your whole body is taking in breath? How every person who crosses your path meets you with a smile, how the smallest gesture of witnessed kindness brings tears to your eyes? How it feels to wrap someone you care about in an all-engulfing hug, only to receive one in return?

This is how it felt when I first laid eyes on Nina, and how I knew I’d spend every day of my life saving her, because it felt like she was saving me.

“I can’t explain it,” I tell Jordy. “It was like everything inside me was calling out to her, without regard of timing or who it could hurt. I couldn’t help but fall for her. I’m just sorry I didn’t treat your heart with more care.”

She looks away, and I know my words have scraped her tender heart. But I can’t take them back, nor do I want to. I can’t live a lie any longer.

“Do you love her?” she asks. She turns back to me, peering into my face for the answer. I nod, and she takes a sharp inhale. “Are you going to marry her?”

“Come on Jordy, you don’t want to know this.”

Because yes, I love her, and if she’ll have me, I’d marry the fuck out of her. But the way she ran off, I’m not sure she’s coming back.

“I’ll understand if you hate me,” I continue. “What I did to you is unforgivable, and you didn’t deserve it. But Jordy, Nina loves you. When you saw us together, she was telling me she couldn’t be with me because she loves you too much.”

Jordy huffs a laugh. “So much that she slept with you behind my back.” She shakes her head, then glares at her hands. I watch as the anger falters, fading into sadness. “She was really breaking up with you?”

I nod. “She said you were the only person she could tell everything to, and that losing you was like losing a piece of her soul.”

“She said that?” Jordy’s face crumples. “Why was she with you then?”

“She didn’t know at first. Neither of us knew about our mutual connection to you, and we fought it, especially after that family dinner.”

“What the hell? It’s been going on since then?”

“No. Yes. Not exactly.” I shake my head. “We never acted on it until…” But I stop. She doesn’t need the details, and she’s not asking for them. “We couldn’t have helped it if we tried, and lord, Jordy, we tried.” I look at the ground. “But I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it.” I can’t believe my whole life changed in an instant, and we’re still stuck on this damn ship. We’ve missed most of the after party, but I could care less. I’m ready to go home and sleep this off.

I look at Jordy. “Can you find it in your heart to forgive her?”

She shakes her head no, but then falters. “I mean, I don’t know. I loved her. I still love her. She was my first friend, and when we reconnected, it felt like old times. It’s hard not to feel like she played me for a fool, or if I can even trust her when all she told me were lies.”

“She’s not a bad person,” I say. Jordy starts to protest, but I stop her. “You have no idea what that girl’s been through. Your whole family has pegged her as the villain, starting with a time when she needed all of you the most. She’s been living with that weight ever since.” I shake my head. “What we did was so wrong, but we also fell in love. As much as I want her back, I want the two of you to find your way back to each other. You’re family.”

She stands just as the ship reaches the dock. Everyone is starting to move toward the side of the boat. I stand too, and we face each other. If we’d stayed together, in a few short months, we’d be standing this way again, but with her in white. I can see the defeat in her eyes. The knowledge that what we had was over. The heartache of betrayal.

We did this to her. I did this to her.

“I’ll think about it,” she says. “Right now, I just need to be mad.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

Nina

It’s been weeks since the wedding. Weeks since I last saw Brayden, since I’ve re-blocked all his calls.

Weeks where I have spent every minute since craving his connection, yearning for his touch, wishing I could hear his voice tell me this will all work out in the end.

It’s been weeks since Jordy’s last words to me, even though I’ve texted her numerous times to express how sorry I am. I know no amount of apologies will ever get her to forgive me, because I wouldn’t forgive me. Still, I keep trying. I even found out the amount of her non-refundable deposit she put on the wedding venue and sent her a check in the exact amount. The check was cashed. The letter of apology plus a plea to talk was sent back, “return to sender” in huge red letters on the re-sealed envelope.

I’m stuck in a shame spiral, but I refuse to dip into darkness or resort to isolation. During Claire’s and Ethan’s honeymoon to the Caribbean, Maren brought their son Finn over to help paint the walls of my house in vibrant colors. I even reserved one wall for free paint, and we all took turns making messy art with only our fingers and happy, gloppy hues of paint. When the happy couple returned, the three of us girls held cooking parties with wine for Claire and me, and sparkling water with a splash of tonic for Maren. We watched all the cult classics on my grandma’s old DVD player, though I hid the one of Practical Magic.