Lib Novel Page 29
It’s been two weeks since I told Jordy she could move in. Since then, I’ve been working hard to clean the place up and make it somewhat presentable. I’d managed to clear a good portion of the living space, plus clean the kitchen so it didn’t look like dumping ground. I also cleared Maren’s old room on the main floor, piling everything in mounds around the boxes in the basement. It’s kind of like pushing dirt from one corner of the house to the other. Actually, it’s exactly like that—not one thing leaves the house, it just finds a new corner to hide.
I open the front doors, and there’s Brayden on the sidewalk, looking up at me. He taps his hat in a kind of salute, paired with his lopsided grin, and I feel the breath leave me. But then five other guys show up behind the moving van, piling out of the truck so they can get to work. They’re guys from Brayden’s ranch, and holy hell, I’m so flustered. I mean, it’s like the whole cowboy calendar is in front of my house, lifting heavy furniture up the stairs, and giving me that country nod that would make any girl weak in the knees.
Except, I can’t keep my eyes off Brayden. After all this time, I was sure the thought of him would fade into a distant crush, something that could be dismissed as a mere whim. At least, I had hoped. Not so, as I take in the shape of his muscles under a tight fitted t-shirt, the broadness of his shoulders, and the subtle hint of dimples whenever he’s hoisting another box in his thick arms. I also note the kind warmth of his blue eyes whenever he looks at me, which are mere glances—as if, like me, he’s trying not to linger.
Or maybe he’s just trying to let go of our last conversation, when we admitted our feelings, even as he told me it was not going anywhere.
My heart hurts whenever he looks at Jordy. What is he thinking when his eyes catch hers? Has he forgotten everything we said? Is he excited they’ll now have more time with each other? Does he picture their future together, looking forward to leaving for New York or Los Angeles, or wherever they land?
Jordy and I have talked several times since I agreed she could move in. There’s still a careful edge to our relationship, and sometimes it feels like we’re trying on kindness like you’d try on a different style of coat. There are fragments of our old friendship, and every now and then, I relax into our conversations as if there’s nothing wrong at all.
But things aren’t as they used to be, and I’m not sure how it ever will be. I’m still pissed that she believed such awful things about me, and that she never even came to me to find out the truth. I’m pissed that she went as long as she did without even speaking to me, and wouldn’t even take my calls. To go from being best friends to bitter enemies at a time when I needed family the most, it’s a hurt I don’t know how to get over.
Plus, we’re not kids anymore. Both of us have changed. She’s no longer this boy crazy teen following makeup tutorials and fashion blogs. Jordy is mellower now, with a calm demeanor and a secret smile for Brayden every time she passes; and I’m no longer the same meek girl who moved into my grandmother’s house as an escape, though I do still feel like a kid around her. Especially in the face of her relationship with Brayden.
With so many hands on deck, the move-in portion takes less than an hour. The eye candy cowboys take off soon after, piling into a huge Dodge Ram just like Brayden’s. It’s like some sort of guy code. If you’re ripped and look like you can ride anything like a champ, you drive a huge truck. Despite my annoying infatuation with Jordy’s fiancé, I can’t help hoping I’ll see more of these guys around.
Brayden stays behind, at first to help Jordy unpack her room, but after a while, he joins me in the front room while she stays behind.
“She’s particular about where things go,” he shrugs, sitting on the couch near the love seat I’m on. There’s an awkward silence between us, and I realize that whatever I’d felt before, I’ll never feel it from him again. That list I wrote years ago is tucked in the top drawer of the curio just a few feet from him. As stupid as it seems, I want to show it to him—to prove that I actually knew him first, even though we’d never laid eyes on each other. I want to ask if he wasn’t meant for me, why is he everything I wanted in a man? Why do I forget that I don’t want a relationship when he’s near me, and now feel like I can’t breathe because I can’t have him?
“I’m glad you and Jordy made up,” Brayden says, breaking the track of my racing mind.
I let out a breath, gather my wits, then I look at him and smile as if everything is fine.
This is fine. I’m not dying a little every time you mention my cousin’s name.
“I think we have a long way to go. I still don’t trust her, but I guess it’s a start.” I realize as I say it that maybe I shouldn’t be so forthcoming. He’s Jordy’s fiancé. It’s possible that anything I say to him is just going to get back to her. I should pretend everything is fine, that Jordy moving in feels completely natural.
But there’s something about Brayden that makes me want to open up. Especially with the way he listens. His eyes stay on mine, and for a moment I think he gets me. Maybe he understands how hard this is. All of it.
“For what it’s worth, Jordy’s relieved you both are speaking again,” Brayden says. “And she feels bad this didn’t happen sooner.” He leans closer to me, and I hold my breath. But he just nudges me with his knee. “Thank you for doing this. I know you two had your issues, but I think this could be great for both of you. I know Jordy is itching to get to wedding planning. She’s been hitting my mom up for ideas the past couple weeks, so this will definitely speed things along.”
And just like that, reality hits. I look at my hands and nod. When I look back up, I peer into his face, searching for something that tells me I’m not a complete idiot. I see nothing.
“Well, that’s all of it,” Jordy says, emerging from the hallway where her room is. I scoot away from Brayden, even though nothing happened, nor is it going to happen. But she’s not even looking at me. Her eyes do a brief sweep over the living room, and I feel my defenses prickling as I also look around, noting everything I missed when I cleaned in anticipation of her arrival. The stack of papers in a messy pile on the curio. The mountain of clothes I forgot in a chair across the room. The layer of dust that still hugs the coffee table.
Jordy turns back to me, a broad smile on her face as if she weren’t just judging me. “Should we celebrate by going out? My treat.”
“It’s okay,” I say, settling back into the couch. “You two go on without me. I’ll just stay here and straighten up.”
Jordy shoots me a pained smile. “Please come with us,” she says. “You’re letting me live here, and you both helped so much to get me here. Let this be my small way of saying thank you.”
Brayden stands and she takes his hand. When he looks at me, he tilts his head toward the door.
“Come on, it will be fun,” he says.
This will be the opposite of fun.
I get up, grabbing my purse from the table. “Fine, but I’ll pay.”
“Like hell you will,” Jordy says, opening the door and leading the way out. “You’re saving me a shit ton of money. It’s the least I can do.”
But I got the inheritance. I can’t say it out loud though, even though I know it’s on her mind too. So I nod, then follow them to Brayden’s truck. Jordy moves aside, letting me into the backseat, then she takes the front. The whole way there, I try not to stare as her fingers play in the dark curls of his overgrown hair while he sings to country. Meanwhile, I feel like the loser in the back who can’t wait for this day to be over.
At Brayden’s suggestion, we end up at the Coastal Plate, this great hamburger place in the touristy part of Sunset Bay. The place is packed, as usual, but I already know what I’ll get off the menu. The California burger, which has avocado, bacon, Monterey Jack cheese, and sprouts, all on a brioche bun. It reminds me of times when Nanna didn’t feel like cooking and treated me to a dinner out. Nothing fancy. Despite my grandmother’s wealth, she was not one to waste money on frivolous things. But she did enjoy a night off from cooking, so at least once a week, we found ourselves on the tourist strip. I’ve probably tried every one of the restaurants here, but Coastal Plate is my favorite, and the California burger is my go-to with a huge helping of fries I can dip in ranch.
The hostess leads us to a booth, and I sit on one side while Jordy and Brayden take the other. For a moment this feels like the kid hanging out with the parents. Me, the young single girl with no job or direction in life across from the sophisticated engaged couple, one of which is taking courses to excel in her career of choice while the other is running his own business.