Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

He hasn’t.

“What’s wrong with that? If what you want is a good…” She puts a hand in front of her mouth and whispers shag to me. Between Owen and Elaina, this kid is going to grow up hearing every swear word known to man, but apparently, Maeve is going to make some sort of effort to stop that from happening. “Then just go for it!”

I feel the scowl take over my face. “I’m not sure that’s all I want. If I’m supposed to be figuring out how to be in a relationship, I can already tell you this is not the guy to help me with that.”

“Well, that’s a great start. You know what you don’t want. Move on, right?” My sister’s right. I can just move on. No need to dwell on one date.

“Oh dun!” Julia waves her hands in the air, letting us know she’s all done, so we clean her up and head outside for a walk.

The afternoon is spent in blissful chaos, and when I don’t hear from Rafael, I settle on sending him a message letting him know he can come anytime he’s ready but not to rush or anything.

RAFAEL:

See you soon.

Within thirty minutes, Rafael is coming through the gate, and I get a weird feeling in my stomach knowing that he’s here. It’s unwelcome but not unpleasant, if that makes sense.

“Teetee!” Julia screams and starts crawling toward the door when he comes inside.

“Hi, Juju.” He rushes to her and scoops her up, covering her chubby cheeks with kisses as she giggles and squirms. Damn. That’s a sight. Bronze muscles bulging everywhere, and yet this man is so delicate with this baby girl. I should make a note of this for a book.

The two finally finish their extended greeting, and Rafael makes his way into the kitchen, where we’re all gathered. “Hello, James Family,” he says easily to Owen, who is washing a sippy cup at the sink, and Maeve, who is practically inhaling another honey stick Owen just brought home for her. “Strawberry shortcake.” He winks at me, and I nearly fall off my chair. I wonder if he was born with this charm or if this is something he had to work at, practice, and hone.

I wait for the feeling of disgust that usually bubbles up inside me, but it doesn’t come. Getting to know Rafael has completely changed the way I react to him. Now, the only thing that doesn’t sit well inside me is the knowledge that I was wrong about him for so long and whether I’ve been wrong before or since meeting him.

“Did you wanna go right away, or is it okay if I take a minute to play with my favorite jellybean?” He tickles Julia’s belly as he speaks but looks at me for an answer to his question.

“Oh. No rush.” At my answer, Rafael beams, immediately holding Julia closer as he dances with her down the hall to music none of us can hear.

Maeve hums around her honey stick, looking wistfully in the direction of where her daughter was just whisked off to.

“Maevey, I swear, if you’re swooning over Rafael dancing with Jules again, I might develop a complex.” Owen’s voice is deep, as it always is, but the way he chuckles at his wife indicates there’s no sincerity in what he’s just said.

“I can’t help it. I just get all sentimental when I see how loved our little girl is. First, I got to watch Char with her all day, and now Raf? I—” A loud sob bursts out of my twin, and Owen is at her side before he can even turn off the kitchen tap. He quickly dries his hands and pulls her into him as she continues. “And our son gets to grow up with all these amazing aunts and uncles, too? It’s just… We’re just…” More sobbing overtakes her, and Owen rubs her back, attempting to soothe my seemingly inconsolable sister. “Stupid bloody hormones. Ugh!”

In an effort to help with the situation, I head to the sink and finish what Owen had started. It’s not the first time Maeve has burst into tears during this pregnancy, though it is rare. By the time I’m setting the last bottle on the drying rack, Maeve has collected herself.

“Thanks, Char. I appreciate it.” Owen squeezes my shoulder as I walk past. I had never imagined myself with a brother-in-law, so to find myself with one who loves my sister with a devotion I’ve never seen before and who simply lets me be feels like an enormous gift. From the moment I met Owen when I was nineteen, he has always been a calm presence. Even before he knew about my autism and ADHD—Maeve asked me if she could tell him—he never once made me feel like I couldn’t be myself. Anytime I excused myself from something early or moved to a quieter space when things got too loud, he always understood that it was what I needed. No questions asked, no sideways glances, no commentary afterward. He occasionally throws me a thumbs-up from afar, his way of asking me if I’m all right, and as long as I send one back, he just carries on with what he was doing.

I’ve read a lot about found families. I’ve even written about them. And the more I pay attention, the more I realize that despite feeling like Elaina was my only family outside of Maeve, their partners have been worming their way into that world, too. I suppose Rafael is a part of that now. And Elaina and Owen’s mom, of course. Eva is everyone’s mom by this point. She’s welcomed us all in from day one, and it’s been really nice to have an example of a loving, supportive mother when ours is more concerned with which designer bag she’s going to use to snag her next husband.

I shake away my thoughts as Rafael comes bouncing back into the kitchen with my giggling niece. “All right, jellybean, Titio is tired now. Time to go home, okay?” Julia rests her head on his shoulder for a moment, then straightens again, reaching for Owen, who takes her with the smile that seems to be permanently etched on his face since Julia and Maeve came into his life.

“Bye, Teetee!” She waves at Rafael, blowing him a kiss, and we all melt a little while he pretends to catch it and stuff it in his pocket.

“Bye, Juju. I love you.” He blows a kiss back at her, and that feeling in the pit of my stomach comes back, catapulting me from where I stand.

“Right. We better go. Bye, Mae.” I hug my sister. “Call me the moment this one decides it’s time to make an appearance, yeah?” I give her belly a pat, and my nephew kicks me in response, making us laugh.

“You sound like Raffy with that yeah,” she says, mimicking my question. “Careful, sissy. He’ll rub off on you.” She giggles, but I ignore her remark. And the little voice in my head that says that might not be such a bad thing.

Turning to Owen, I reach up to give him a half hug, and Julia takes a handful of my hair before plopping a sloppy kiss on my cheek. “Bye, sweet girl.”

“Bye, Ah-tee.”

I walk to Rafael’s car with an enormous sense of gratitude that I got to have today with my sister and her family. The thought of staying in LA and making this a regular occurrence warms me.

As I’m buckling my seatbelt, a question pops into my head. “Do you want kids?”