Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

Now, nearly everyone we love is here. My mom is holding a baby, my brothers are acting somewhat normal, and Vó is chatting with Eva, who spends more time here in California than in Massachusetts. I turn toward the kitchen door to grab another tray of food and spot a familiar head of brown hair coming in through the gate. I didn’t think he’d come.

“Hey, little brother.” Arthur pulls me into a hug, and when I don’t say anything, he continues, “I wasn’t gonna come, but I wanted to be here for you and Charlie. I don’t want any drama. I just wanted to come and say hello, and I can take off.” He scans the backyard quickly, likely looking for our dad, who just happened to run out to grab some more ice, something he insisted on doing since a host shouldn’t leave his own party.

“I’m happy you’re here, man. Really. Thank you for coming.” I hold his eyes for a moment. “Pai just stepped out, but he’ll be back soon.” I leave it at that. He can do with this information what he will. I’m just glad he felt comfortable enough to come.

Arthur blows out a relieved breath. “I’ll just say hi to Charlie and everyone. I won’t stay long.”

I nod, understanding but also not, because we still don’t know what the fuck happened between him and our dad.

“I’m really happy for you, Raf. For Charlie, too.” He squeezes my shoulder, a small smile on his lips. Arthur is the least emotional of us all, but he has his moments.

“I know you are, brother. And I appreciate the hand you had in helping me figure this out, you know? Thank you.” I pull him in for another hug, holding on a second longer this time. “Go find my girl. Mãe and Vó will be really happy to see you too.”

Arthur didn’t stay long, like he said. I don’t even know if he and my dad saw each other, and no one really mentioned it, likely not wanting to bring it up. Seeing him here today, though, gave me hope that they’ll sort this out soon.

I’ve just finished loading the dishwasher when I hear soft footsteps behind me. I look over my shoulder to find the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Her red hair is piled on top of her head, she doesn’t have any makeup on, she’s wearing one of my hoodies that reach her mid-thigh and bright orange knee-high socks on her feet. Her hands are behind her back, and she’s biting her lower lip like she has something to say.

Setting the dishwasher, I give her my full attention.

“I have something for you. It was supposed to be a birthday gift, but I didn’t know it was your birthday on your actual birthday, and I thought I’d have more time, and then we went to London and then the moving, and now we’re here, and it’s finally ready, and I can’t wait any longer to give it to you, so here, please just take it.” She sticks her hand out, a black box with a bright green bow on it. Her cheeks are pink, and her breathing is quickened from the run-on sentence.

Taking the box from her, I run my finger over the silky ribbon, tugging one end to undo the bow. I tuck the piece of green satin into the pocket of my sweatpants, taking a deep breath before lifting one end of the box. Whatever is in here is important to Charlie.

Once I’ve flipped the lid and put the box inside it, I move the white tissue paper to reveal a brown leather book with the words “Machado Family Recipes” in gold lettering. It looks similar to the notebook Vó had been writing in, but I know that’s not it. As I open it, I’m met with family photos, all taken around the kitchen or table, some from when we were kids, others as recently as the day of my birthday festivities a couple of months ago. Every recipe that had been written in the notebook is typed up in a font I know is meant to be easy to read for dyslexics. They’re all here. Every dish I’ve made with Vó so far. I swallow hard past the tightness in my throat.

“You got these photos from my family?” I meet Charlie’s wide blue eyes, and she nods. “And the recent ones of me cooking with Vó, you took those?” I know she did, yet I feel my muscles relax when she gives me another affirmative. “These rings on the inside; do these mean that we can add more pages to this cookbook?” I can hardly keep my eyes open, I’m squinting so hard, trying to keep my tears controlled. A whispered yes is her answer. “You didn’t have to do this, shortcake.”

“I wanted to. I wanted to from the moment you asked me to help you, and I knew I needed to that first Tuesday afternoon in your family’s kitchen.” She licks her lips, fingers fidgeting with the hem of the old sweatshirt.

“Thank you, Charlie. Thank you for this, and thank you for loving me the way you do. You love me in the way I’ve always wanted to be loved, you know? You pay attention to the things I say, to what’s important to me. You see me, and you choose me anyway.” There’s no holding them back now. The tears roll down my cheeks in quick, hot streams.

“I love you the only way I know how. I see you, and I choose you because you’re the best person I know.” Her voice is clear, sure. I set the box down and reach for her, my arms wrapping around her waist. “Because you’ve always seen me, and even in my hardest moments, you’ve always chosen me.” Her delicate fingers wipe away my tears as I hold on to her as if she’s my anchor, keeping me steady on the ground. “I love you because I don’t know any other way to live now, and I never will. However long my life might be, I will spend the rest of it loving you and only you.”

“If I ask you one day, would you marry me? I don’t have a ring yet, and this isn’t an official proposal or anything, but would you want that? With me?” I can’t believe I just fucking asked her to marry me. I mean, I want that. I want that so fucking badly, but it’s too soon. I know it is.

She opens her mouth to speak then closes it again, thinking through her answer. “Could we do the ceremony in your parents’ backyard and have our first dance in their kitchen? Because I think that’s the only way I want to do it.” Her nose scrunches, and her freckles dance across her creamy skin. “And we’ll drive away with the little cans dragging behind the car while everyone waves us off outside.” A laugh bursts out of me as more tears come.

“Yeah, carrot cake. We can do that. We can do whatever you want.” Somehow, my love for her grows even stronger, my heart expands to make more room for all the ways I love this incredible woman.

She smiles brightly up at me. “Then, I’ll definitely, definitely say yes when you ask me. One day.”

THE END