Mind Games

“What’s that mean?”

“Watch and learn.”

“Gross!” And Rem looked delighted, eyes huge, while Lucy scaled the fish.

Thea watched so she could learn, but it didn’t feel really delightful.

When Lucy cut off the head and tail, Rem all but went into spasms.

“Can I do one? Can I?”

“This knife’s as sharp as they come, so we’re going to be careful.”

She held the knife with him. Then looked at Thea.

“No, let Rem do the last one, too.”

Lucy guided him through the next steps, so they had a pile of fish guts, a pile of bones, and chunks of fish meat.

“Now we’re going to soak these pieces in salt water for about half an hour.”

“Why?”

“To draw out all the blood.”

“Yuck, yuck, yuck. Fish blood.” Rem practically sang it.

“And we clean up our table and tools while it’s soaking.”

She turned to Thea, smiled. “Lots of people don’t want to know where their food comes from. And that’s just fine. But around here, it’s all part of the cycle.”

She liked the last parts of the cycle better. Helping make the coating, watching it fry up.

They had it with hush puppies and chowchow and some of the rice and broccoli casserole a neighbor brought them.

She couldn’t write in her journal, and couldn’t stop the tears when Lucy came to tuck her in.

Without a word, Lucy sat down and gathered her in.

“We did regular stuff all day, just normal. And sometimes I didn’t think about them. We sat outside and ate cobbler, and heard a coyote up in the hills. When Rem tried to sound like one, I laughed. It’s like I didn’t care.”

“No, darling, no, no, my precious girl. Living is what we have to do, and what they’d want. Because they loved us, they’d want us to live.”

She eased Thea back, patted away the tears. “Grieving takes its own ways, its own time. Whenever you need to cry, you cry. But you have to laugh, too. You have to eat and sleep and wash your face, brush your hair, and all that regular stuff.”

“I don’t want them to think we don’t care.”

“They never would. Here, let’s lie down awhile.”

Lucy lay down with her and stroked her hair in that way that always made Thea feel warm inside.

“They made you and Rem out of love. You honor that love, you honor those who made you, by living a good, strong life. A happy one as much as you can. And when you find love, you hold on to it the way they did.”

“I don’t want to find it when I’m sixteen.”

When Lucy laughed, the warmth spread, and Thea smiled.

“I’d as soon you didn’t either. But I’ll remind you of this when you’re sixteen and think you’re in love.”