Lib Novel Page 68
* * *
“Where are you going?” Zara asks as she leaves the bathroom and sees me putting on my jacket.
“To the roof. I need some fresh air.”
“It’s almost midnight.”
“I know.” I grab the knob. “I’ll be back soon.”
Up top, I take a seat on the makeshift bench and just stare into the night. That prickling feeling at the back of my neck is driving me crazy. It never abates. Never ceases.
The moon is full, just like on the night my demon and I met, but tonight, its silver brightness is shrouded by clouds. It’s probably going to rain. And hard. I can already feel that shift in the air. The storm is about to unleash.
My eyes wander over the buildings beyond the narrow road before me, noticing the few random windows that are still lit. I glance to the rooftop across the way as the wind picks up, making me hold my jacket around me a little tighter. The bleak darkness is all I see. Minutes pass. The wind continues to blow. I rise off the bench, ready to head back inside, when the moonlight briefly parts the clouds, illuminating that dark horizon on the other side of the street and a figure leaning over the railing.
I narrow my eyes. It’s . . . him.
My stomach drops.
What is he doing there? Why hasn’t he come to me? Maybe it’s not him but someone else? No. Even in this low light, I would recognize him anywhere.
Confused, I take a step closer. The figure quickly retreats, disappearing from my view. I wait. It can’t be my demon. He promised he would come to me as soon as he returned. He knew I would be waiting.
Hurt pierces my chest, and it almost feels like a tangible pain.
It was him.
All those instances when IthoughtI felt him, but disregarded the sensation as my desperate hopes . . . Was heactually there all those times? It’s been weeks! I’ve been falling apart, terrified something had happened. I’ve been so fucking scared for him that it made me physically ill. And all the while, he’s been following me around in secret. Not even letting me know he’s okay. After everything we’ve been for each other.
I was ready to leave my family just so I could be with him. My hand flies to my mouth, stifling a sob. He was at my father’s funeral! And still, he stayed away, not bothering to ask me how I was doing. I thought . . . I thought he loved me. But, you don’t let your loved ones hurt alone, without offering comfort. Was it all a game for him? Was I? A silly girl persuaded to fall in love, only to be dumped in her most desperate hour? He left me when I needed him the most.
Lies.
It has all been lies and nothing more.
“Why?” I scream into the night.
The answer to my question is sudden, relentless rain. The heavens open, raindrops pelting my face and mixing with the tears streaming down my cheeks.
“Fuck you!” I cry. “Crawl back into your darkness, and stay there!” I yell so loud that my throat hurts and the last word ends up being a gut-wrenching whimper.
Turning around, I head toward the door back into the building, feeling as if I’m crumbling on the inside.
I’m not coming here ever again.
Idiot!
I bang the back of my head on the wall behind me. The concrete rooftop is awash from the heavy downpour, leaving me slumped and soaked as my butt stays put and I sit alone in my misery. Propping my elbows on my upraised knees, I grip my head and shut my eyes, trying to erase the image of my cub staring at me with shock written across her face. Shock, disappointment, and so much damn hurt.
I bang my head against the wall again. And again.
Reckless idiot. Two months ago, I made a deal with myself. I’ll keep watch over her from afar, but I’ll never, fucking ever, allow her to see me. I knew she’d feel hurt when I didn’t come back. Knew she would probably never forgive me for breaking the promise I made her. She’d likely forget about me after some time. She might even think I had died.
I could live with all that.
But I can’t live with the look of betrayal and utter pain on her face when she noticed me on this stupid-ass roof. Or her anguished shout into the darkness that I keep hearing in my head on constant repeat.
Why?