Comp's Chance

The longer I lay there, the more my mind races. My worst nightmares play through my head, and soon, it gets hard to breathe. My chest feels too tight, and I feel like I’m breaking apart. I hurriedly get out of the bed, making sure I don’t wake Paisley, and make my way to the hall outside our room. Once I shut the door quietly, I lean against the wall and slide down it. I put my head between my knees and try to breathe, but all that’s coming out are loud gasping sounds. Tears are streaming down my face, but I can’t stop them. I can’t get any air in my lungs, and things start to go dark.

Then I’m being lifted into someone’s arms.

“Sunshine, baby, I need you to breathe. Deeply, in and out,” Nix’s soothing voice cuts through the fog as he carries me a couple doors down from our room. I shake my head, not wanting to leave Paisley all alone.

“She’s fine, sunshine. I’ll leave my room open, but I won’t leave you alone in that hall while you’re having a panic attack,” he says, and I don’t fight it. I want to be in his arms. I need his comfort right now. I’m still not getting enough breath in my lungs and feeling lightheaded. I’m set down on a soft bed, and my vision is dark, but I see Nix’s face come into focus.

“Breathe! Now!” he commands, and his tone has me automatically complying. I suck in a deep breath of air and stare up at him while he moves the hair out of my face. “Good, baby. Keep breathing for me, Sunshine.”

I watch his eyes and face as he breathes with me, fighting to match his pace. From this angle, I can see the scars he tries to hide with his hair. When he catches where my eyes trace over, he turns his head just a bit so the scars are hidden again. I hate he feels like he has to hide, but I’m guessing he’s been hurt a lot because of them. People can be cruel, and the thought of him being on the wrong end of that pisses me off. I yawn, placing my hand over my mouth as my breathing finally returns to normal and evens out. I was tired before, but now I’m completely drained. I feel like the panic attack wiped out the last of my reserves.

“You need sleep, Sunshine, but first, I need you to take that shirt off,” he tells me, and I look at him in surprise. He gets off the bed and goes to what I assume is his closet. What the fuck does he think is going to happen? I’m about to storm over to him and slap him right across the face for assuming, but he returns with something in his hand.

“I can’t stand the thought of you in another man’s shirt. Please, just put this one on,” he says, tossing me the shirt in his hands. I chuckle before replying.

“I thought you were trying to take advantage,” I tease, but he doesn’t laugh. He just turns when I pull the shirt up over my belly. Damn, maybe he doesn’t want used goods.

“Sunshine, you’re too good for me. I don’t think you could handle my… tastes,” he tells me with his back turned.

Oh, I bet I could. His commanding tone, telling me what to do and demanding I breathe, got me wetter than I have ever been. But that’s the last thing I need to worry about right now. I don’t reply to him because I don’t need to get into any type of shit here. I just need to bide my time until Jason gives up. Sleeping with someone from the club protecting me sounds like a bad idea. What if he gets done with me, and it’s too awkward? Would they still be so welcoming? I know deep down that if I’m not careful, I could fall for this place and these people, one in particular, but again, I shake those thoughts off. Love, sex, and lies all go hand in hand in my experience. Love can suck my dick. I’m staying away from that bitch for good.

I climb back on the bed once I have his shirt settled, and Nix starts to walk out. I can feel the terror taking over again, so I do something stupid.

“W-will you hold me?” I ask him, kind of hoping he doesn’t hear me. He does, though, and his body goes rigid. I’m about to tell him never mind, but I see his shoulders sag and watch as he turns back around and climbs onto the bed behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist before pulling me close until my back touches his chest without a word. I squeeze my eyes shut, repeating my new mantra over and over to myself.

Love sucks. Heartbreak. Lies. We don’t need that again.

“It wasn’t another guy’s shirt,” I whisper, taking a deep breath, relaxing, and letting myself settle in. I feel him shift andgrunt, but I continue, “I bought huge shirts when I was pregnant with Paisley to hide it.”

“Get some sleep, Sunshine,” he says, and I drift off. Right before I go under completely, though, I feel a small kiss on the back of my head. Nightmares forgotten; all I feel is safe.

Eight

COMP

Iwake with something tickling my nose. Fuck, when did I fall asleep? I feel little hands running along my face, and I grab the wrist lightly, opening my eyes. Paisley is looking down at my face with curiosity. I turn my head away from her, but a small hand touches my cheek.

“What are you doing, wildflower?” I ask her, feeling the weight of Sunny still in my arms. She hasn’t stirred, still curled up like my little spoon, and I don’t want to wake her, but I’m kind of stuck. I didn’t mean to fucking fall asleep. My plan was for her to pass out, and then I’d sneak away, but the minute I heard her breathing even out, my eyes grew heavy, and I couldn’t keep them open. Now, here I am, stuck between the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever fucking seen and the cutest kid on the planet.

“Just looking at your face. You really shouldn’t hide it,” she says, and I’m so taken aback that the next words just slip out of my mouth.

“My face is hideous, wildflower.” She looks shocked at my words.

“I think you’re handsome. A hero, like in the Marvel movies. Mama needs a hero,” Paisley tells me, still sliding her fingersover my scars. I would jerk away from anyone else, but it truly doesn’t seem to bother Paisley. Then, her words hit me.

“Your mama’s beautiful. She deserves a prince. Not a beast,” I say, smiling softly at this sweet little girl. She truly doesn’t see the monster, only the good.

“Eh, princes are overrated. They rely too much on their looks and titles. That’s not smart. Gonna get them killed by the bad guys one day, that’s what Mama says. And I don’t think you’re a beast. Thor lost his whole eye. Ironman had his chest mangled. Bruce Banner turns into a big green hulk. They all have scars, but they are still heroes. Scars don’t make your choices in life,” she tells me, and I look at this little girl in complete wonder.

“How old are you, wildflower?” I ask her. She talks like she’s thirty.

“I’m seven, but I’ll be eight soon. Can I lay down beside Mommy?” she asks me, and I nod, moving to stand up. Instead, she walks to the other side of the bed and crawls against Sunny’s back. Sunny adjusts enough to wrap her arm around Paisley, who curls against her stomach and buries her face in her momma’s neck and shoulder. As I move away, Sunny’s other arm comes around my arm, pinning me to her so she can hold us both. I look at her face to see if she’s finally awake and how much of the conversation between Paisley and me she heard, but her eyes are shut, and she’s making a cute little snoring noise. I smile, lying back down and taking this second, this moment, to be selfish. If I only ever get this moment, this feeling of rightness, of finally having everything I always dreamed of, then I’m going to take it. A perfect moment holding my girls. The girls who will never really be mine, but I can let myself dream for just this moment.

I wake up a little while later and see Paisley getting restless. Sunny is still sleeping hard, and I know she’s probably had a draining few days. I decide to get up, maybe find Rome andRae, and see if they want to play with Paisley. They’ve been missing out on being kids their whole lives. Rome has had to look out for his twin sister even when he’s not old enough to take care of himself. It wasn’t until Loki and Halle signed the adoption papers that Rome settled a little. His mission in life is still looking out for his sister, but he doesn’t jump at every noise anymore, at least. He isn’t on guard constantly, and he now trusts his mom and dad and our club.

I slide my hand out carefully from around Sunny. Not able to help myself, I bend down and place a soft kiss on her forehead. She turns into me more, and I stay stock-still, hoping not to wake her up. When she buries herself deeper into my bed, I finally breathe and lift off the bed.

I look back down, knowing my sheets will smell like her, that my dick won’t even go down in my sleep now. Great. Although, I can’t bring myself to be pissed. I will most likely look forward to lying in my bed each night for the foreseeable future, or until I need to change the sheets.