Can't Touch This (Can't Touch This #1)

Page 132



I grinned. “Go on…”

She sighed dramatically. “Dear God, there are men and then there are…others.”

I giggled.

She smirked. “It was terrible. He was good looking enough, charming enough. We’d got along okay online. There were no glitter-cannons or party poppers when we met but I was happy to give him a chance, you know?”

“That’s what getting wet in the dating pool requires.”

“Exactly.” She nodded importantly. “So, I figured if Ves can overlook Ryder being a jerk and his bossy commands at the start, I can look past the occasional burp or finger clicking at the waitress.”

“He did that? Wow, that’s rude.”

She agreed, “I know, right. Very rude. Anywho, there we were—food ordered and waiting, trying to keep small talk going while our dinner arrived. When it did arrive, that’s when things got weird.”

I leaned forward, hooked on her story, desperate to know what happened. “What? What got weird?”

She tickled Visa as the cat pawed her loose chestnut hair. “I had gnocchi and he had fettuccine. At first, he ate the garlic bread with his hands. Seems normal. Fair enough. How else do you eat bread? But then…” She gulped for dramatics. “Then he picked up his creamy, slurpy noodles with his fingers and proceeded to dangle them over his mouth in the middle of the restaurant.” Her eyes widened in horror. “The sauce, Ves! It ended up everywhere. His tongue was out trying to catch the end of the slippery sucker. His face was splashed with cream making him look like he’d jizzed all over himself.” She groaned. “I couldn’t eat. My appetite went poof and I wanted to vanish in mortification as he dropped some pasta onto the floor and picked up and—”

“No!” I gasped. “He didn’t.”

“He did! He picked it up and ate it. There was dirt on it. Dirt!”

We shuddered together.

I laughed at her expense but secretly was so glad Ryder had the upbringing of a sane person and not a runaway mental patient.

I’m so lucky I can take him in public.

“So…what did you do?” I held up my fingers, wiggling them for Barb to butt against for cuddles.

“Well, you know me; I’m too polite to say anything. So I sat there as he slurped up the entire bowl, wiped his mouth with his tie, and proceeded to ask to split the cheque but only had a ten dollar bill on him and no credit cards and made me pick up the rest.”

“Wow, what a disaster.”

“He tried to kiss me as he walked me back to my car. However, my politeness snapped and I hopped in, locked the door, and peeled outta there as if I was a rally driver.”

“Good for you. I hope you left a scathing one-star review on his dating profile.”

“Wait, you can do that? You can review how a date went?”

I giggled. “No idea. I doubt it. Guess that would be the epitome of bullying. But wow, that sounds worse than the common nightmare of being naked with no teeth.”

“Tell me about it.” She squeezed Visa until she meowed angrily. “I think I just have to concede that I might as well hang up a battered sign over my V-jay-jay that says ‘haunted, keep out’ and give up.”

“Aw, don’t be like that. Plenty more dogs in the park that know how to use utensils.”

“Yes, but how many mutts do I have to go through to find a pedigree?”

I nudged her. “Oh, good analogy.”

She grinned. “Thanks. I try.”

“You can’t let this stop you from trying. True love is worth it.”

She buried her face into Visa’s fur. “Ugh, I hate you all preachy. Stop being all loved up for a second and admit that you struck gold while I’m still panning for rocks.”

“Can’t. I’m too high on orgasms.”


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