Trust (London Love #5)

I could see that from the way he was leaning on Josh, while Lee was hanging on to Cork’s…Cam’s bag trying to steady them both. Musa was right. I’d lost track of everything and no longer knew any of these guys. I couldn’t even tell them apart from their stage personas. I was no better than Kieran Williams.

We were just cardboard cutouts. Shadows. Barely human.

Cam coughed. Horribly. Desperately.

What the fuck had these people been thinking?

I was so angry. And so sad. Bewildered. Shocked. Tired as hell. All at the same time.

We were going down. Every single one of us.

Yet…

I knew.

I had to smile to myself.

Trust me, I knew.

Simple words

REUBEN

The week that followed was probably the most stressful week of my life. It was hard to measure all the different things going on, because someone stole Dad’s car and he spent most of his time stomping around shouting at the insurance company and getting irrationally angry about me having to drive him to work.

Dad did not take the bus. He kept saying he hadn’t worked his entire life to take the frigging bus.

I wasn’t keen on the bus either. Didn’t mind the train. Preferred to drive.

I had most of the week off, which drove me crazy, and I bounced around the house like a ping-pong ball, wondering what people did at home all day. I tried to watch TV. Gathered all the clothes up from underneath my bed, then got frustrated and threw them right back down on the floor. I used to treasure my days off, having the house to myself, watching TV and lounging around. Making food. Tidying up. Letting the hours pass by while I did nothing.

I couldn’t even be bothered to try.

I liked my own company. I liked being alone. I always had. Things were easier when it was just me. But it wasn’t just me anymore, and it was driving me mad.

Gray kept disappearing to meetings for hours on end and said he couldn’t talk about what was going on but tried to reassure me it was all good, when I could tell it was anything but. He barely ate and kept throwing his hands up in the air and making angry, frustrated sounds like he was blowing hot and cold.

He promised it wasn’t me.

I wasn’t so sure anymore, but I went with it. Sorted out food. Put him to bed. Lay there quietly while he fell asleep in my arms, my fingers tangled in his hair.

Me. Him.

Fuck.

I was back to making lists in my head.

Reasons I should refuse to move in with Gray.

Reasons I should go back to school and get an education.

Reasons why that would be a stupid idea because I would be totally broke.

Reasons why I should throw him out and block him and stop this utter nonsense.

I was also looking at furniture and picking out bed linen for a king-size bed. Like the total idiot I obviously was.

By Saturday evening, I was scooting around like a Duracell bunny. I’d been off work again, and Gray had been away since early morning. Not a single text all day. Now he was back.