Trust (London Love #5)

“Babies don’t have laughter lines.”

“You do.” She actually looked serious. “And you’re like a complete baby.”

“Not.” I laughed. “I’m twenty-six.”

“Yeah right.” She snorted. “And I’m having The Dieter’s babies.”

“I…No.” I almost said, I am. I’m having The Dieter’s babies. I didn’t, luckily. Because that would have been weird.

Even weirder, she said, “You’d make a great dad. You’re really fun. Happy. Your kids would adore you.”

I just stood there and smirked, wondering how the hell that would look. Gray and me. In that house. Some small, screaming baby in that cot in the corner.

I wasn’t sure why I was smiling. It sounded like a nightmare. I smiled even wider when Gray texted that he was sitting in this Michelle’s office feeling like he was on death row, because I was quite sure he was being melodramatic. He had form for that.

I was still smiling as I crossed the bridge towards Waterloo and got the train home. I changed my sheets, got a wash on, sorted some dinner, ran the Hoover around. Still smiling. Then I lost the plot and ended up on the sofa, scrolling on my phone while my sheets sat in the washer and meal I’d prepared sat uncooked on the side.

I wondered if I was really, truly, fucked in the head. If Gray had somehow turned me into a completely different person. He’d obviously brainwashed my dad too, who turned up with a bag of shopping, ruffled my hair and huffed at my half-arsed attempt at cooking for us.

“Do I want to know what this was supposed to become? Or shall I just go down and grab some chips from the corner?”

“Dad.” I sighed and curled up in a small ball.

“You remember the first day you came here? When I was finally allowed to pick you up from that children’s home and bring you here.”

“Yeah.” I remembered. I’d never been so terrified in my life.

“You sat on that sofa and held on to Mr Snuggles, just like you’re doing now. Only back then, you couldn’t stop shaking.”

“Well, how would you have felt if some strange dude turned up and kidnapped you?”

That’s what I’d said. I’d been an idiot. But Dad smiled.

“You refused to talk to me. Just sat there shaking, and I was terrified too. Scared you were going to bolt through the door and run away. I had no idea how to be a father, and I certainly didn’t feel ready to love you. You were just this troubled kid, and I was a messed-up single bloke who drank too much between working shifts and trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with my life.”

“Yeah.” I knew what was coming.

“It’s the same thing now, Son. I know how scared you are. You’ve met this complete stranger and you’ve no idea what to do with him. All you know is that you want to be with him. All the time.”

“Yeah.” He wasn’t wrong, but I needed to find a different word to use. Not just say yeah to everything. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

“And that’s terrifying, I get that. I was the same with you. Scared to let you out of my sight. I couldn’t relax when you went to school because I wanted to be there, keep an eye on you so I could keep you safe. Tell you that you were loved. Make sure you were happy. Well…and make sure you didn’t do stupid stuff and smoke and run away.”

I grinned. Shook my head. “I wouldn’t have run away. You made good food and didn’t shout at me when I fucked up. You just sat me down, and we watched TV and…you know. Talked.”

“Talking is good.” Dad nodded, picking up a packet of bacon from the side. “So what’re are we having? Bacon and…?”

“I dunno. Gray and me are so different. He’s some millionaire pop star and I’m a doorman. I have no education. He’s got all these mad projects.”

“Gray is a kid from some godforsaken northern town. His dad worked in garage. His mum was a nurse. Both retired now.”

I gulped. I didn’t know that. “Dad, what the hell? How do you know that?”

“Talking is really good. You should try it. I’ll fry this up then, shall I?”

“He’s my boyfriend,” I said, a little too aggressively. Out loud. I cringed. Dad shrugged.

What the hell, Reuben? I’d meant to tell him off for digging dirt on Gray, and I…