The Rocker's Muse

“Thank you again for my surprise. I’ll cherish her.”

He rubbed his hand along my cheek. “I cherish you.”

CHAPTER 31

EMILY

The following week, Tristan and I met up a couple of times. We visited the baseball field where Jacob used to play and had coffee with Jacob’s best guy friend, Jaden.

Today, though, was the part of the trip Tristan had been putting off. As we stepped through the wrought-iron gate at the entrance, I asked, “Where’s Nazarene today? Why isn’t she here with you?”

“She made an appointment at a spa in the city. Said she didn’t like the one in town.”

I nodded.

“What’s that look for?” he asked as we walked through the grassy cemetery.

“I’m just surprised she wouldn’t want to be here for something so monumental.”

“She offered, but I encouraged her not to come. I wanted to do this alone. Well, with you, of course.”

We walked quietly toward Jacob’s headstone. The air was scented with dirt and flowers. I always found the cemetery to be oddly peaceful, not a sound beyond the melody of chirping birds and the warm massage of a gentle breeze.

I slowed as we approached Jacob’s headstone. “He’s right here,” I said.

Tristan took a deep breath and exhaled as we stopped in front of Jacob’s grave. He knelt and traced his fingers along the engraved MAHONEY. Some dying flowers from the last time someone visited lay atop the dirt below it. I regretted not bringing fresh ones with me today and vowed to come back soon to rectify that.

I took a few steps back, giving Tristan space.

Tristan closed his eyes as he continued to kneel before the headstone. Even though he was quiet, I somehow knew he was talking to Jacob. He opened the gift bag he’d been carrying, and tears sprang to my eyes as he placed the worn, gray teddy bear on the dirt in front of Jacob’s grave. Duffy.

Is he leaving it here? Surely he knew it would blow away and be destroyed by the weather. But maybe the gesture mattered more than anything.

A tear tracked down Tristan’s cheek as he looked up at the cloudy sky. Despite many emotional moments, I hadn’t seen him cry before.

This trip had thus far been about experiencing Jacob’s life, but this part represented the reality of the situation: Jacob wasn’t alive, and he was never coming back. Tristan had to say goodbye to someone he loved but had never had a chance to meet.

He stood and wiped his red eyes. “We can go.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Yeah.” Wiping his eyes one more time, he said, “Thank you for waiting.”

“Of course.”

My heart was heavy as we walked in silence back to the car. More than anything, I felt so much love for Tristan right now. And having to hold it inside felt suffocating.

“Are you okay?” I asked as he started the car.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

The car ride back was quiet, but after a while I had to say something.

“Tristan…”

He looked over from the driver’s seat. “Hmm?”

“When the Mahoneys first told Jacob he was adopted, he and I talked about how he was feeling. Even though his parents had never given him any clue about the adoption before, he admitted to feeling like something had been missing in his life, like a part of him. He said he never quite understood it until he found out he was adopted.” I reached over and rubbed Tristan’s arm. “The missing part was you. I think he’s looking down and realizing it all makes sense now.”