The Rocker's Muse

There were a bunch of old textbooks piled on a desk.

This room felt lived in and had clearly remained untouched since his passing.

A navy comforter with a thick orange line down the middle covered his bed. And across from the bed was a closet filled with clothes. There was a pile of shoes on the closet floor.

“Someone had a sneaker addiction,” I said.

“He rarely spent his money on anything else,” Carol said.

I’d have bought him an entire house full of sneakers if I could. I’d never felt Jacob’s presence stronger than in this room. It was different from reading his diary. He felt alive here, like he could walk in at any moment.

I wandered over to the closet and ran my hand along the clothes. The realization that he was never coming back came in waves. And when it did, utter sadness consumed me.

Taking one of his shirts off a hanger, I brought it to my face and smelled it, smelled him for the first time. I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in the son I never knew.

Even if you think I’m an overrated buffoon, I’ll always love you.

CHAPTER 29

EMILY

Tristan was quiet as we left the Mahoneys. When we got in his car, he didn’t start it, just leaned his head back on the seat and stared out the window.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah. That was intense, though.” He reached for my hand. “Thank you for holding my hand through this.”

The shock of his touch sent ripples of electricity down my spine. “It’s my pleasure.”

He let go of me. “You were pretty quiet in there. Are you still okay with this process? It must be a lot for you, too—reliving those memories.”

“It’s actually been nice getting to know him all over again.” Sadness about Jacob wasn’t the problem. I’d been struggling with my lingering feelings for Tristan.

“How have you been feeling lately?” he asked.

“In what way?”

“In every way. Mentally, I guess. I’ve been so caught up in learning about Jacob that I haven’t checked in with you.”

I shrugged. “Coming back to Shady Hills wasn’t necessarily good for my mental health at first. I was afraid moving back to my mother’s would bring painful memories. But I’m getting used to it. It’s been easier than I expected.”

“Where would you like to be living?”

“That’s the thing.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s no specific place that comes to mind. But strangely, having you here, showing you some of the places that remind me of happier times, has helped me appreciate Shady Hills more.”

“Well, I’m glad.” He perked up. “Speaking of which, the guys are going to this local bar tonight for karaoke. I was gonna skip out, but I might reconsider if you’d be willing to come with?”

This was the first time he’d suggested we hang out beyond Jacob-related stuff. There was nothing I wanted more than time with him. But I wasn’t sure that was the best idea. “I don’t know…”

“Come on. We could both use a night out after today. It’ll be fun.”

The thought of hanging out with Tristan gave me butterflies, and that was exactly the kind of reaction I was trying to avoid. Still, he was right; I could use a night out. Ethan was away, too, working on an out-of-state construction project with his dad. He wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.

But the deciding factor? The pout on Tristan’s face. That made it impossible to say no. I sighed. You couldn’t get much safer than a karaoke bar. It wasn’t like he and I would be alone.

“Okay. Why not?”

***