The Rocker's Muse

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Well, if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

True happiness is what I felt with you before you knew who I was. Before I turned both of our lives upside down.

“You still haven’t yet told me why you’re here, Tristan.”

“I need your help.”

“Help with what?”

“Let me find somewhere to park so we can chat.”

On pins and needles, I looked out the window as he drove down a side street and parked. He turned off the engine. Nothing but the sound of crickets rang out in the night.

“I know you and I have history,” he began. “And I still haven’t worked through all my feelings where that’s concerned. I just pushed them aside. But I’m hoping you can look past the complicated nature of our relationship and help me. You’re the only person who can.”

“What is it?”

“I want to get to know my son. Who he was. Posthumously.”

I blinked. “Okay…”

“You knew him best. I feel like I can’t go on until I take some time to learn about him. To feel his spirit. I know he’s not physically here anymore, but this town is where he lived. I want to go to the places he went. I want to eat at his favorite restaurants. Meet his friends. I want to know what made him smile. To see his childhood home and meet his parents. It’s not the same as getting to know him personally, but it’s all I have.” He leaned his head back against the seat. “I’ve now read every page of his journals, but he only started those the last few years of his life. It’s not enough for me, Emily.”

“How long are you in Shady Hills?” I asked.

“Well, I’ve rented a house, and the lease is month to month. The guys and I still have some finishing touches to do for the new album—the one we were recording in the desert when you and I met. We rented a studio about an hour away in St. Louis, since there was nothing here in town. The guys are staying with me here at the house.”

My eyes widened. “Everyone is living in Shady Hills?”

“Just Atticus and Ronan.”

Nodding, I stared out at the street for a moment before turning to face him. “I think it’s beautiful that you want to learn more about Jacob, but I’m not sure if I can handle being your personal tour guide.”

Disappointment shone on his face. I regretted expressing my hesitancy. This wasn’t about me…

“I can’t force you,” he said. “But I’m here in town regardless, if you decide to help. At the very least, I feel closer to his spirit just being here. It’s rare that I have a break like this in between commitments. It didn’t feel right going back to L.A.”

I had to stop and think. If this would bring him some peace, how could I say no? I owed it to Jacob, didn’t I? It would be hard to be around Tristan, but I needed to set aside my hang-ups and do it.

“His favorite place for breakfast was Sparky’s. I have tomorrow free, if you want to meet me there at eleven AM.”

Tristan’s mouth curved into a smile. “I would absolutely love that.” He let out a breath. “Thank you, Emily.”

Tristan drove me back to the restaurant, and when we pulled up, my heart nearly stopped. Ethan’s truck was parked next to my car. He leaned against it with his arms crossed.

“Where have you been?” he asked as I exited the Range Rover. His eyes moved to Tristan, who remained in the driver’s seat with the car running.

“This is—”

“I know who it is,” Ethan said. “They told me you took off with him, but I didn’t understand.”

I’d told Ethan about my time on tour with Delirious Jones, including the reason I’d set out to find Tristan. He knew everything—aside from the fact that Tristan and I had hooked up before Tristan knew who I was. I figured there was no benefit to Ethan knowing that. I’d never imagined Tristan would come to town and Ethan would potentially see the guilt written all over my face.

Tristan sized Ethan up before speaking through the open car window. “I’ll let you get back to your night.” He drove off without another word.

“What was that all about?” Ethan asked.