The Rocker's Muse

The last thing I needed was his shit on top of everything else. “What is it?” I snapped.

“You’ve been different these past couple of weeks. I’m not talking about your voice, either. I’m talking about whatever the fuck you have going on with that girl. It’s like your body is here, but your head isn’t.”

“That girl has a name.”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that getting involved with her is a bad idea. Those reasons are obvious, but when it starts to affect your music…”

“The only thing affecting my music right now is my voice issue, which I only have so much control over. And whatever was going on with Emily I’m pretty sure is over now. Alright? So you don’t need to worry about it. You also don’t need to tell me why it was a bad idea to get involved with someone on this tour, or why it was a bad idea to develop feelings for someone who’s practically half my age. I get it. But sometimes we can’t help how we feel. Although, not sure why I expect you to understand that.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not heartless, you know. I’m just a realist.”

“A realist who cheats on his girlfriend.”

“Whoa. First off, she’s not my girlfriend. And I’m not a cheater. Riley and I have an understanding. She knows I’m not interested in monogamy. It’s an open relationship. That’s very different than cheating.”

“Don’t you ever get sick of this lifestyle?”

“Sometimes. But the only woman I’ve ever loved is gone. I never needed anyone or anything else when I was with Nicole.”

It was rare that Atticus brought up his ex-wife. There was an unspoken rule among us that Nicole’s name was not to be mentioned, especially while on tour. It was the one thing that affected his performances. He bounced his legs. “Anyway, I guess I just don’t give a fuck anymore. I might as well try to have fun and take advantage before I’m old as fuck like you.”

“Go to hell.” I laughed.

Atticus and Ronan would take any opportunity to remind me I was five years older.

“Seriously, though…” he said. “What happened with Emily?”

“Oh, now you know her name?”

“Yeah, I know the name of the person who’s gotten into my lead singer’s head and who’s threatening to fuck up the rest of this tour for us.”

“For the last time, she has nothing to do with my voice problems. Stop insinuating that.”

“She does have everything to do with you alienating yourself from us lately. The night you took off? Canceled the show? That was a first.”

“I just needed a break. God forbid I take one—”

“You haven’t answered my question. What happened with her?”

“Fuck if I know,” I said, looking over at the wall and wishing I could punch it. “She says she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to continue whatever it is we started. I really like her. I’ve had no desire to be with anyone else since the tour began. That’s a first for me. But none of that matters if she’s scared.”

He lowered his voice. “You fucked her?”

“No. We messed around, though, and I took things too far.” I looked out the window at her bus.

Atticus snapped his fingers in front of my face. “When was the last time you felt this way about someone?”

“Not since I was sixteen.”

He nodded. “Cheyenne…”

“How the hell did you remember her name?”

“Because I never forgot that conversation we had when we first met. You got drunk and told me all about her. You were pretty broken up over it.”

“Wow. I don’t remember that.”

“Well, yeah. You were drunk.” He chuckled. “Whatever became of her?”