The Rocker's Muse

“He has mixed feelings. It upsets him that he doesn’t remember it, that he didn’t somehow recognize himself in Jacob that day. But it also brings him some peace to know Jacob’s feelings about him changed after that encounter.”

Leah took a sip of her tea. “Are you okay after learning Jacob was serious about Piper?”

“I am. I’ve lived with a lot of guilt about breaking up with him. To know that he was falling in love with someone else brings me peace.”

“It doesn’t make you the least bit jealous, though?” Leah asked.

“Not at all. I prayed he’d meet someone else. It’s tragic that he didn’t have a chance to see where things went with her, but I feel better than if he’d never experienced love with someone other than me.”

“Okay.” She took a bite of a sugar cookie my mom had made. “I get that.”

“Speaking of love…” my mother interjected. “You do know that man is in love with you, right?”

Leah looked between my mother and me. “Who’s in love with her? Are we still talking about Jacob?”

“I haven’t explained the situation with Tristan to Leah, Mom,” I scolded.

My mother’s face reddened. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

Leah’s jaw dropped. “What’s going on with Tristan?”

Up until now, I’d thought the fewer people who knew what I’d done, the better. But Leah was one of my oldest friends, and I knew I could trust her. Plus, there was no way out for me now. So I explained the whole mess—from my lie of omission on the tour that allowed us to get closer, to the money he’d given my mother to hold for me.

“Holy shit. I can’t believe you kept this from me. I could never tell Stacia from work. She’d probably jump off a cliff.”

“Or burn her jar of hair?” I laughed.

Leah’s mouth was still hanging open. “I can’t believe he gave you a million dollars. What are you gonna do with it?”

“Nothing.” I crossed my arms and leaned back in my seat. “It’s gonna stay in the bank.”

“That’s crazy,” she said.

“I’m determined not to use it. I want to earn my own way.”

“Can I have it?” she teased. “Kidding.”

“When he came to talk to me about holding the money for you, he mentioned wishing he could take away all of your pain from the past,” my mother said. “I can tell you one thing: I’ve never had a man care about me the way he cares about you.”

While that warmed my heart, I still felt very much in limbo when it came to Tristan and me. “Where does that leave me, though? Pining for the one living man who truly cares for me but won’t allow anything more to happen because of my history with his son?”

“You don’t think that the fact that Jacob seemed to move on from his heartbreak regarding you changes anything for Tristan?” my mother asked.

I shook my head. “I’m not sure. But Tristan has to get back to L.A. for work very soon, and I need to start getting used to not having him around.”

“Have you actually ever made your feelings clear to him?” Leah asked. “Maybe part of his hesitation is that he doesn’t realize how strong your feelings are. Maybe if you told him, that would make a difference.”

She was right. Despite Tristan showing me how much he cared, I’d been holding back in reciprocating, mostly out of fear of rejection, and a little out of lingering guilt over Jacob.

I couldn’t let Tristan go back to L.A. without telling him how I truly felt, even if he still believed we couldn’t be together. It was a risk I’d have to take.

***

I didn’t tell Tristan I was coming when I showed up at his rental home late that evening.

He beamed upon answering the door. “Hey. This is a surprise…”

“Is this a bad time?”