The Muse's Undoing

“So, you don’t resent anyone in our family?”

I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore. “Look, in terms of the coronary disease, you should see a heart doctor. There’s gotta be at least eight who live in this building.”

He lets out a low laugh.

“And you’re not gonna die alone.”

“How do you know?”

“Because…” And I hate saying this, but it’s true, and he needs to hear it. “You want Vaughn to have a family. That’s obvious. You’re gonna find someone and want to settle down again, and that’s how I know you won’t die alone. And anyway, I’ll outlive you, so I’ll be there as a last resort.”

“That’s comforting. Maybe you’re right, though. About getting married again.”

My hands stops moving. I feel like he just dumped a bucket of ice on my head. “When did that change?”

He lifts his head and looks at me. “What? You brought it up.”

I can’t speak. I shake my head and stare at him. Words escape me.

His face visibly pales. “Matthew…what?”

19

FISCHER

Idon’t like that he stopped touching me, but I hate the look on his face more. He looks—lost.

What had I said?

That I shouldn’t rule out giving myself another shot at a relationship? It doesn’t seem that shocking. “What?” I ask again, the tendrils of another panic attack licking at the edges of my brain.

He gives his head another, firmer shake and seems to snap out of it. But his hand moves away from my groin and down my quad. “I just didn’t realize you’d had a change of heart about that,” he says quietly. “You think maybe Ravenna?”

“No. Absolutely not,” I assure him.

“Why not?”

This isn’t one I have to think too hard about. “She’s fun and everything, but there’s something I don’t feel like I can trust about her. Besides, she’s still friends with Nicole.”

Matthew’s brows furrow as he focuses on his hands on my leg. “You think there’s a chance now that you’re back that you and her?—”

“No,” I say immediately.

“Why not?” he asks.

“Too much damage. I wouldn’t even know where to begin to repair it.”

“Would you want to?”

This whole line of questioning has me on edge. Is this why he’s been distant the last few weeks? Does he think he’s cramping my style or something? “Nicole and I are better off as friends,” I say. “To be honest, there was never a spark there.”

“Hm.” This time, when the side of his hand accidentally grazes my cock, I reach between my legs to adjust myself. There’s a semi brewing now that I’ve had some caffeine, and I want to finish this conversation before I start having inappropriate thoughts about Matthew again.

I need him here, I waited all night for him, and I don’t want to scare him off. It’s been almost three weeks, and passing him once a night in the lobby, if I even get that, isn’t enough. More than once over the last week especially, I’ve considered asking him to move in. It’d save him some money, and it’d save me missing him.

But I know he loves his loft. It’s just so far away…

I run my hand over the back of his head. “It feels better if you need to lie down.”