The Muse's Undoing

“Are you pregnant or something?”

“Maybe.”

My mouth goes slack. “Shut the fuck up.”

“I’m kidding. Jesus. But I think I’m ready to be.”

“Whoa.” I lean back in my seat and study my sister’s smug grin.

“It’s not like you’re gonna give ‘em grand babies,” she says.

I scowl. “You don’t know that.”

“Mmhmm… unless there’s something about Valentine I read wrong.”

“Val’s my muse, not my girlfriend. And I date cis women, too. Sometimes.”

“Oh, that’s right…”

“Don’t,” I say to cut off whatever assessment of me she’s cooking up in her too-smart head.

“Anyway—be my man of honor?”

“I’m still not sure Stuart’s good enough for you.”

“You and Fish said you like Stuart!”

“He’s okay…for a finance bro.”

Maggie laughs. “Right. My uptight finance bro who plays cello in a string quartet and never misses a slam poetry open mic night.”

Stu has layers, I’ll give him that. I find him less impressive than Fischer does, though. But Maggie could probably present me with a billionaire philanthropist, and I’d still find him not worthy of her.

“So, when’s the date?” I ask.

“October 17th.”

“Six months? You sure you’re gonna be ready? I mean it’s only been what? Eight, nine years now?”

She gives me an annoyed look. “Would you have been okay with me marrying him when we were twenty-one?”

Point to Maggie. She and Stuart have never even taken a break, much less broken up. Makes me wonder what Stu’s like in bed, but I dismiss the thought quickly because I could probably get hung up on it if I thought about it too long. He’s got some decent “assets” for a finance bro.

“Fine. I’ll be your man of honor. Is this gonna be small, or…?”

She makes a face, and I get the sense I won’t like the answer. “You know Stu’s family.”

“Ah…they want the whole nine, huh? What’s the venue? Let me guess. The Plaza?”

“Close. The Pierre.”

I roll my eyes. “I know one of the waiters there.”

“Look, I get it. But it’s beautiful. Stu’s family is splitting the bill, Mom and Dad are cool with it—I’m not complaining. Do all of you Upper East Side peons have like, a secret club or something? You do, don’t you?”

“It’s a union, but we do have a secret handshake,” I kid.

“Figures. The keepers of secrets. I bet you see some salacious shit over there.”