The Muse's Undoing

If he ever tries to leave me again, I swear there’s no place on earth I won’t find him.

“What are you doing to me?” he says on a breath as he nuzzles into my neck, and I hold him close.

“I’m trying to chain you to my soul,” I say, clearly out of my mind.

“Why do you want to drug me and fuck me?”

“Because I want you to belong to me.”

“Will that prove it?” he asks.

“It won’t hurt.”

He cradles my face in a hand, and I lean into the warmth and gentleness of it. It still shocks me sometimes, how tender he is. How generous and affectionate. The opposite of everything he once taught me to believe about him. Losing myself in his silver eyes, I breathe deeply, trying to calm the inner storm, smooth out the rough waters of my choppy thoughts, ease the constant tension in my chest.

“You want a full surrender?” he asks.

I nod without having to think about it.

“And you don’t think I can do that conscious?”

Maybe I should cool off my crazy. “It was just dirty talk.”

“Was it? Because it also…”

“What?”

“Got me off,” he whispers.

“I probably don’t need drugs. You’re a heavy sleeper in my personal experience.”

He smiles.

“Do you think something’s wrong with me?” I ask him.

“Do you?” he asks right back.

“I feel like I can’t get close enough to you. That you’re too far away.” Man, am I in quicksand, or what? I should be elated, thrilled, shooting hearts from my eyes, and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this depressed.

“I just let you violate my urethra in a sex club. I’m not sure how much closer we could get.”

I want to laugh, but I can’t bring myself to. I just lock my arm around him tighter. He moves to straddle me, and I make the necessary adjustments. Taking my face in his hands, he turns it upward to look me in the eyes. I swear I forget the rest of the world exists, including the people who may or may not still be watching us.

“I don’t think I want you drugging me,” he says. “But if you want to take advantage of me being a heavy sleeper again, you know I don’t mind. I’m all yours. To be honest, though, I don’t want to miss a second.”

I run my hands down his back to cup his spread ass cheeks. “I don’t know why it turns me on so much.”

“Control…maybe?” he asks.

“Maybe.”

“You want to control me?”

“I want to keep you.”

His brow furrows first, and then his mouth twists in a wholly unfamiliar way. When I shift my focus back to his eyes, they’re darker—reflecting the black leather behind me—and vivid because of the reddening lids beneath them. His chest heaves once and then he just…breaks.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” He clutches at my neck as tears spill down his cheeks. “I should have found you when I came home. Not Nicole. I knew you were different. I knew you were supposed to be mine, and I knew—I fucking knew I wouldn’t be able to stay away from you.”