The Muse's Undoing

We had good sex. I now know the meaning of great sex.

“And now that I’ve started to get to know you, I just kinda—want more. I really like you, Fischer.” She puts her hands on my hips and steps close again. “And I am so fucking attracted to you. Like if you give me a chance, I’ll be your best girl. Promise.”

“You’ve been amazing,” I say. “And I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

She gives me a scrutinizing frown that slowly morphs into a defeated pout. Sighing, she says, “Well, if you change your mind, and I think you should…text me. I can be very discreet.”

“Right.”

“One more kiss?”

I shake my head.

Her expression sours, but she gives up the fight. “All right. Well, good night, I guess.”

“Good night, Raven.”

She slowly backs out of the door like the longer she takes, the more likely I’ll be to give up and ask her to spread her legs for me, but I wait, patiently, and close the door as soon as she’s across the threshold.

I pull my shirt up to my nose and sniff. “Ugh.” I rip it off and head back to my room to rinse the smell of her off me.

I’m extremely happy to see Matthew when he arrives at my apartment after his overnight shift. He looks wrecked when I open the door for him—like he hasn’t slept in days. The dark circles under his eyes are like bruises. Eyes themselves bloodshot.

“You okay, baby?” Since we talked yesterday, I have so many things I want to ask him. So much I want to talk to him about. And I wonder if there’s something I might want to say to him that would reassure him about us, or if it would sound like overcompensating.

I pull him by the shirt into my apartment and slam the door behind him. He stumbles forward, and we land with my back against the opposite wall, his mouth on mine once again. “I couldn’t find my key,” he whispers then kisses me deeper. His hands roam up my sides, and his body presses into mine, cock hard and grinding.

“You wanna lie down?” I ask. “You look exhausted.”

“I want this,” he says, kissing my neck and shoving his hands up my shirt. “All of this. All the time. Give it to me.”

“It’s yours.”

“Mmm…fuck I needed to hear that.” His mouth finds mine, and his kiss is so thorough, so arousing, I get light-headed. One of his hands slides over my hip to my ass cheek. “Are you ready for me?”

Yes. I want it. I fucking need it. “Like I said—I’m all yours.”

He presses his forehead to mine and exhales a broken breath that sounds almost like a sob. “Why is it like this?”

I close my eyes as my heart leaps around in my chest, untethered and wild. He probably wants me to say something that keeps it all simple—like we’ve got great chemistry. But nothing about us is simple. “Fuck, baby… you’re gonna have to be the one to answer that.”

“I love it when you call me that.”

“I—” Didn’t realize I had.

“Do you want to be with me?” he asks.

I nod, having to force myself to swallow.

He takes a deep breath that feels like it draws me even closer to him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I respond, following the script.

“But this feels different,” he finally admits.

“Than what?” I whisper, heart frozen in my chest.

“Anything.”