Lib Novel Page 79
“I thought you were about to throw me out,” he says, giving me a dark look.
“I wasn’t throwing you out.” I can feel the guilt begin to settle in. “I was just saying you would be better off with your friends and your fiancée. People you trust. I’m a stranger to you.”
“That is not what you were saying.” I don’t know why he’s arguing with me right now. The man is on the verge of death, but he wants to pick a fight over this. “You want to get rid of me. And it’s not like I don’t trust you.”
“We barely know each other, Alex. Let’s leave it at that.”
His eyes turn hard. “Do you really dislike me that much?”
“Dislike you?” I gape at him. “I am trying to move on from this mess, Alex. You’re trying to drag me back into it. I understand that I’m not your type. I understand that you have a fiancée you love and that I don’t hold a candle to her. I am simply trying to move on with my life, and I’m trying to keep my distance from you so that this bond between us fades away. I’m doing what you wanted. So, why are you acting as if I’m the one hurting you? Do you have any idea how hard this is for me? How hard it is knowing I’m tied to somebody who doesn’t even want me? Or do you think that because everybody else tramples on me, you have the right to, as well? I’m so sick of your attitude toward me. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. I am a person, Alex. I have feelings. Just because I can’t shift, it doesn’t mean I’m worthless. It doesn’t mean you can try to hurt me just to get a kick out of it!”
Tears are burning in my eyes, but they’re not tears of sadness. They’re tears of anger and hurt.
There’s shock in his eyes, along with some other emotion. Alex tries to get to his feet, and I roar, “Sit down!”
He sits back down meekly.
My breathing is harsh. “You are a horrible, horrible person. That is what I think of you, because that is how you’ve acted toward me. You think I’m not good enough for you? You’re the one who’s not good enough for me, Alex!”
I want to say more. I want to be cruel. But that’s not who I am.
I turn around, ready to exit the room quickly before I say something I regret, but I’ve just made it to the door when I hear him say, quietly, “You’re right. I’m not good enough for you.”
I freeze in place, wanting to go but also wanting to hear what he’s saying.
“I can’t do right by you, Sophia,” he says after a moment. There is a hollowness in his voice that reaches to the deepest part of me and pierces it. There’s a trace of loneliness in his voice that resonates with me, and I whirl around to face him. His eyes are focused on the window, as if he can’t bear to look at me.
I want to ask him what he means, why he sounds like that, but my voice is stuck in my throat.
“The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Being with me would bring you nothing but misery. If you want to know why I rejected you, it has nothing to do with you being less than Julia. You’re wrong about her. Julia’s the one who can’t hold a candle to you. Not the other way around. This is not easy for me, either, Sophia. You don’t know my circumstances.”
My mouth is dry. “What are you talking about? What circumstances?”
Alex is silent for a few seconds, still not looking at me. “If I could lay it all out for you, perhaps you would understand. But there are things I cannot tell you. What you should know is that there are lives at stake: the lives of my pack mates. And that is why I can’t be with you. And if I did choose you, if I did accept you, you would be in constant danger. I can’t do that to you.”
My heart tightens painfully in my chest. “What about Julia? When she mates you, won’t she be in danger?”
He makes a noise that sounds like a chuckle, but it’s darker and almost cruel. “Julia? If I could kill that woman with my bare hands, I would.”
His words shock me. “I thought she was your fiancée.”
This time, he looks at me, and there’s nothing but hatred in his eyes. “She is being forced upon me. She’s a very dangerous individual with a lot of backing. Don’t ever make the mistake of crossing her.”
Anxiety fuels my next question. “If you despise her so much, why are you going to mate her?”
His eyes are cold as he looks at me. “Who says I am? Just because I didn’t deny her words doesn’t mean they’re true.”
I study him, not knowing what to think. He doesn’t want Julia. He’s not engaged to her. But he can’t be with me. Does he plan to be alone for the rest of his life?
Finally, I say to him, “I don’t know what you’re trying to do here. But I do understand that you are rejecting me.”
“Not because I want to.” I can hear the guilt in his voice. “My intention has never been to hurt you, Sophia. As an Alpha, my pack’s survival has to come before my own happiness. And that is what I’m focusing on. Sadly, you’ve become collateral damage, and I don’t know what to do about that.”
My lips move, but I turn away, unable speak. Unable to hear any more.
It hurts.
This hurt is different. It’s a lonely, tired pain. From his words, it almost seems like Alex does want me—but he won’t do anything about it because he has to protect his pack. His pack comes before me. I am not a priority to him.