Lib Novel Page 70
Every time I see Julia, all I can think is that I wasn’t good enough for my fated mate. It eats at me, a childlike hurt demanding to know why I wasn’t chosen. Why wasn’t I loved?
And I don’t know how to soothe my own pain. I don’t know how to tell the most vulnerable part of myself that my world isn’t ending. Because it sure feels that way.
Unfortunately, I still feel nothing when I’m with Noah. His attention is flattering, and he says all the right things, but there is no spark when he touches my hand, no excitement when he smiles at me and leans in close. There’s an emptiness within me. I smile when he talks, but I don’t mean it. I laugh when he tries to be funny, but the sound is hollow. I react how I assume he wants me to react. I don’t even know why I’m encouraging him.
I guess, at this point, I just want to be loved.
And he wants to love me, so why not let him? Maybe down the line, I really will fall in love with him.
But it feels wrong. This whole thing feels wrong. And what makes everything so much worse is that Elsa does not support me. I can’t understand why she doesn’t like Noah. He hasn’t done or said anything to me to make me think he’s a danger to me or a dangerous individual in general. He has no incentive to be with me; he just wants to be.
I’ve seen him around the other shifters in town. He’s always fair and just, never flaunting his status as the Alpha Successor. I am starting to believe that he really is going to be a better Alpha than his father. I’ve never seen him be harsh to anybody or threaten anyone like his father openly does. So, why does Elsa say he is dangerous?
I’ve tried to look at the situation from her point of view, but I just can’t put my finger on it. I have a feeling Elsa is simply being paranoid. Maybe she does not believe that somebody like Noah would want me, but I don’t think that’s the case. At least, I don’t want to believe that Elsa would think that of me.
My shift ends early today, and Noah has asked me out on a date.
I hand all the pending orders over to the bartender who’s going to cover the night shift, and I head out. I make a quick stop at my apartment to change into something more suitable for dinner. My wardrobe is mostly blouses, t-shirts, and jeans; I’ve never had a reason to buy a dress. I’m kind of regretting that now as I stand outside wearing the nicest blouse I own and the cleanest pair of jeans I could find.
I feel even worse when Noah shows up in a tuxedo. The prince and the pauper.
I wonder if he’s going to comment on my attire, but he beams at me. “You look beautiful.”
I find it hard to believe him.
“Are you sure I’m not underdressed for where we’re going?” I ask hesitantly.
He shakes his head, taking my hand as he walks me to the car. “I never have a problem with how you’re dressed. Let’s just go and have a nice time.”
He always goes the extra mile to make me feel relaxed. I like that about him.
I haven’t been told where we’re going for dinner, and when he stops the car on the side of the road and leads me into the forest, I am mildly surprised. “I thought you said you made a reservation.”
He smiles at me. “I did. It’s just not at a restaurant.”
I’m wary of what awaits me. I don’t know how to tell Noah that I don’t want to go into the woods with him. Entering a forest with my date, alone, at night, sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.
However, he guides me into a clearing where there are fairy lights decorating the trees and a small table with a white tablecloth and candles on it, surrounded by a circle of rose petals. It’s a beautiful setting, and I feel a little flustered.
“You didn’t have to go all out,” I say, overwhelmed by the whole thing.
“Of course I did.” He squeezes my hand. “I like surprising you like this. And I had all your favorite dishes made.”
I didn’t even know I had favorite dishes till he leads me to the table and a server appears with a large tray with covered food. When he starts setting down the platters, revealing pot roast and lamb stew with rice, I feel my mouth water. The scent is tantalizing, and I glance at Noah a little apprehensively.
“You did all this for me?”
He laughs. “One day, you’ll have to stop being so surprised at these little gestures. Although, I kind of like seeing that stunned look in your eyes.”
His warm smile makes me flush, and I find it hard to meet his gaze. It’s not that I’m not happy, or as close to happy as I can be; I just feel uncomfortable. He’s putting in so much effort for me, and I don’t think I can respond with the same enthusiasm.
“I’ve petitioned my father to see if I can assume control of this town,” Noah tells me as the server pours us some wine. “I don’t think I want to be away from you just yet.”
“What do you mean, assume control?”
He gives me an enigmatic half smile. “Well, as Alpha Successor, I have to supervise several parts of the territory at the same time. I’m supposed to make one area my headquarters, and I’ll completely control it. It’s part of the Alpha training process. So far, I haven’t asked for a specific spot, but I’ve done so now. I’m just waiting to hear what my father says.”
The idea of having Noah here should make me happy, but instead, a ball of tension forms in the pit of my stomach. When I’m with Noah, I feel like I’m not myself. I’m more subdued, and I have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I don’t think he would like the person I really am, with my sharp tongue and reckless behavior. Not to mention the cage fighting.