The Alpha’s Fated Choice (Alpha's Fated Encounter Trilogy #1)

It very nearly did.

My thoughts return to Alex. If he hadn’t saved me that day, I would probably be lying somewhere at the bottom of the sea. I still don’t understand. If he doesn’t want me, it would have been easier for him to let me die. But not only did he save me, he was furious that I had put myself in that position, as if it mattered to him whether I lived or died.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m not good at reading people’s emotions. Maybe the problem lies with me. And then I remind myself that Alex can be quite a jerk when he wants to.

“How about magic?”

I blink, confused by the sudden change of subject. “What about magic?”

Noah glances at me. “Why don’t you take on magic as a hobby?”

I give him a surprised look. “I’m a wolf shifter. Shifters can’t do magic.”

“They can if they have an affinity for it,” he informs me.

That takes me aback. “Really?”

“You know the Central Alliance? The white wolves have an affinity for magic. That’s one of the reasons they don’t interact or engage with the South and North Alliances. Both the South and the North crave power, and they have a history of killing white wolves because they know that shifters with magic are inherently more powerful.”

“But I’m not from the Central Alliance,” I point out. “I doubt I have an affinity for magic.”

Noah’s hands are in his pockets as he strolls alongside me. “I’m not saying you have it; I’m saying you can check to see if you do. The fact that the Central Alliance has wolves with an affinity for magic doesn’t mean this ability is limited to only them. There have been a few wolves in the other two Alliances who have shown magical abilities. Young children. One of our neighboring packs has a girl with an affinity for magic. The Alpha recruited a witch to teach the child. Of course, her ability is nowhere close to what a white wolf can do, but it’s interesting to note that you have something in common with that girl. Her wolf is also latent.”

My eyes widen. “Are you serious?”

“I wouldn’t joke about such a matter,” he says. “It’s a possibility that the affinity is linked to the inability to shift. If you want to give it a try, I can get a witch to help you. But only if you’re interested. You can take up knitting if you prefer.”

His light joke makes me smile faintly, but hope springs within me. “If I end up having an affinity for magic, do you think the pack would finally accept me?”

It might seem that I have no self-respect, which would be understandable considering how I’ve been treated by the pack. But at the end of the day, I am a wolf shifter. My identity is my pack. Living in packs is important for shifters because it fulfills our need for physical and emotional connections. The fact that I have survived without those things for so many years is a testament to my strength. However, if I don’t have to live without them, I don’t want to.

Being accepted by your pack is a different sort of love. Wolf shifters thrive on touch, affection, and trust. This is why Rita goes into town at least once every week or two to interact with other pack members. Physical affection is crucial for the animal. Drew doesn’t go on pack runs anymore, but I do know that he runs with a few of his old friends, the ones who stood by him.

If I ever got the opportunity to be accepted by my pack, I would take it in a heartbeat. My beast needs it.

Noah gives me a sympathetic look. “They should. With magic, you would no longer be the weakest pack member.”

“Then, I would like to learn,” I say fiercely.

He’s quiet for a moment, and then he asks, “Would you be able to forgive those who turned their backs on you?”

I lower my head to look down at the path in front of me. “I think so. I’m only twenty-five, Noah. I have my whole life ahead of me. As time goes by, I’m going to start going insane without my pack. The only other option would be for me to go rogue.”

Noah slows down, and his voice is careful. “Is that something you’re considering?”

I immediately close my eyes in regret.

Me and my big mouth.

“Not right now. It’s not like that’s what I would want to resort to. But I have to do something to survive, don’t I? I’m guessing you wouldn’t have a very high opinion of me if I’d be willing to forgive all the cruelty I’ve faced just to be part of the pack here.”

He comes to a halt and turns to face me. “I was one of those people who was cruel to you, remember? I just don’t like the idea of you forgiving those who mistreated you and looked down on you unless they offer you an apology. They don’t deserve your forgiveness otherwise. Even if you’re doing it for yourself, I believe forgiveness has to be earned.”

I can see his point, but then again, Noah has always been surrounded by the pack, beloved as the Alpha’s son. He doesn’t understand the stark loneliness that pierces you when you’re rejected from your own pack, the deafening isolation of it. Physical touch and affection are extremely lacking in my life. Even though Drew and Rita give me an occasional hug, it’s nothing like what I should be enjoying from the pack.

Before my wolf woke up, it was easier to live like this. But ever since it awakened and became vocal, I’ve started feeling the lack of these things in my life. And I know I’m going to reach a breaking point soon. That was one of the reasons why I was so desperate to leave this pack. If I could shift, it would be a different story. Once I buy my freedom, the Alpha will have no choice but to sever the pack bond with me. It’s a painful process, but it would mean that I am no longer part of this pack. Or any pack.

“I don’t think going rogue is the answer,” Noah murmurs. “It’s not easy to survive without a pack.”