Lib Novel Page 137
“I don’t have to do that. You’re family.”
I expect him to laugh or at least grin at that, but instead, Drew’s eyes hold a strange wistfulness when he looks at me. His voice is soft as he says, “You’re right. We are family. You’ve looked after me and Tim all these years without asking for anything in return. You’ve treated us as if we really were your own blood.”
I don’t know why he looks so downcast, so I pat his shoulder. “Now try saying that with a smile.”
He chuckles. “I’m going to head out now. But I’ll look into everything we talked about. Don’t you worry.”
With a smile, I watch him leave, but once he’s gone, that smile disappears from my face.
I feel bad about manipulating Drew, but I do know that while he barely interacts with the people he once used to call his brothers and his friends, there are still some members of the security team who are on good terms with him. He may be able to get information from them.
There are several theories floating around in my head about both Eve and Rita. As I serve the customers around me, I’m not wholly present. The gears in my head are turning.
What really happened to Rita’s husband? I remember her telling me that he died during a battle. But that strange message on her burner phone suggested otherwise.
What was it that Rita wanted to tell me so desperately when she called last night? Had she already anticipated her imminent murder?
Who was Rita spying on in this town? Drew clearly doesn’t know that Rita was still working as a spy, although he did mention her past in espionage. Was she working for Alpha Black? If so, it makes sense that she had that burner phone and that she communicated on those parchment slips. It’s odd; the ones we found were copies. Why did she keep copies of her responses, and where are the slips she received from the person she was communicating with?
I’m beginning to think we need to search Rita’s home again. But I don’t know if that will be possible.
As I pack up to leave for the night, I feel more tired than usual. There are not many customers around, and the other bartender is minding them. Grabbing my jacket, I head out. It’s the early morning hours now, and the streets are relatively quiet. A tired sigh leaves my lips as I stand in the cool night air.
Walking home, I think about how Rita’s death seems to have altered something fundamental within me. Since I don’t remember my mother, this loss of someone so close to me is a first-time experience, and I don’t like it. It’s not like I saw her every day, but this thick ball of grief in my throat refuses to vanish.
When Alex told me his parents were killed, I felt bad for him, but I realize now that I never actually understood the gravity of his loss. I spent so much time angry with him and making everything about myself when the truth was that he was the one dealing with the worst of it all. This feeling of overwhelming grief that I’m now experiencing, he must have felt at such a young age. But his agony had to have been leaps and bounds more painful. And then to be forced into an Alpha position where he had to take all the responsibilities of his pack! How did he survive having to show respect to the woman who had slaughtered his parents? And even now, he’s having to give up his fated mate for the sake of his pack.
Did I ever try to understand his feelings? It was much easier to get mad at him, to feel hurt instead. I guess I was too focused on my own problems.
I feel guilty for the way I treated him last night.
He’s never really done anything to justify my being hostile toward him. In fact, he has tried to be open about his situation in order to spare my feelings. He keeps looking out for me, notwithstanding my attitude and behavior. He’s patient and understanding and has never lashed out at me despite his own suffering.
“Great,” I mumble to myself, tucking my hands in my pockets. “Now I’ve gone and made myself feel like a jerk. Good going, Sophia. You’re a real prize.”
I continue walking, feeling both ashamed and raw inside. My wolf whines inside me, wanting to go to Alex, but my darkening mood has it going silent. I can’t be selfish here. If it’s hard for me to be around Alex, it can’t exactly be a walk in the park for him to be near me, either.
All the disquiet in my head is starting to build up, and the idea of going home to my empty apartment is becoming almost unbearable. So, I take a detour.
The forest surrounding this town has always felt safe to me, a home away from home. I venture through the trees, the sounds of the insects helping me breathe easy. I’ve been on my feet all day, and they’re throbbing now. Wincing, I look around and spot an oak that has embraced the spring, its leaves a vibrant green.
I jump up onto the first branch before clambering to a higher one. Leaning against the trunk, one leg on the branch, the other dangling below me, I breathe in the crisp, cool air and let out a sigh, thankful for this reprieve.
I clutch my bag to my chest and stare up at the night. Stars are littered in the sky, tiny sparkling suns too far away to reach but blinking like diamonds in the darkness.
It’s going to be hard once Alex leaves.
I tried not to let my heart get involved, but the inevitable happened. He carries a piece of my soul, and whenever he leaves me, I’m overwhelmed with the urge to pull him back to my side. Even when I’m angry with him, I need him here. His presence calms me. It reassures the loneliest part of me.
“Does that mean I’m desperate and lonely?” I question the sky. “Or do I have real feelings for him?”
I already know the answer.
“Stupid feelings,” I say aloud, pulling a leaf off the tree and playing with it.
It’s childish, but the only other option is to cry myself into a miserable state, and I don’t want to do that. I can’t ask Alex to choose me, no matter how much I want him to. I can’t be selfish, even though I want to be.
“It would really help if he were a Grade A jerk,” I mutter, crushing the leaf in my hand. “But no. He’s got to be understanding and intense and all that other crap. How can I hate him? Stupid Alex!”