Lib Novel Page 133
Alex is quiet, but I can tell from his jaw that he is not very happy right now.
“You should get back to the motel.” I get to my feet, suddenly exhausted. “Your men are going to be wondering where you are.”
Alex doesn’t budge. “They can wonder all they like. I’d rather stay here to make sure there isn’t a surprise attack on you tonight.”
I drag myself to the coffee table and sink down on the couch, resting my head against the back of it and staring at the ceiling as if it has all the answers I need.
“Go home, Alex,” I say tiredly.
He walks around to the back of the couch and looks down at me from behind. “Sick of me already?”
I consider this. “If I say, yes, will you leave?”
“No. And it’ll hurt my feelings.”
I straighten up enough to reach for the box of tissues on the table, which I offer to him. “You can cry on the way home.”
His lips twitch. “I never took you to be so mean.”
I wish I could smile at him, but my heart isn’t in it. “I lost somebody important to me, tonight, Alex. I want to be alone to grieve. Rita is the first person I’ve lost since my mother. And I don’t even remember her. But Rita…I have lots of memories of her, of us. Her attacker didn’t only kill her, you know. He killed her dog, too. Whatever it was that Rita was doing here, she didn’t deserve to die tonight. Neither of them did.”
Alex comes to sit down beside me. “I know a thing or two about grief, Sophia. The most important thing is not to let it consume you. It has a tendency to do that. You feel a whole range of emotions: helplessness, pain, misery, and then, anger at the world. It’s altogether too easy to let yourself break under all that negativity.”
He’s able to easily describe the state of my heart right now.
I wrap my arms around my stomach, my voice thick. “I want the people who hurt her to pay for what they did.”
“I know,” Alex responds calmly. His arm settles around my shoulder in a comforting hold. “But you cannot let that desire for revenge fuel your every action, Sophia.”
I glance at him. “But isn’t a desire for revenge fueling your actions? Karina killed your parents. Aren’t you trying to get revenge for that?”
Alex is struck with silence, as if my words have provoked something within him. After a minute or two, he says quietly, “I wonder.”
“What do you wonder?”
“Ever since I met you,” he begins, meeting my gaze, his own holding some confusion, “the anger that has always been a part of me has thawed. I no longer keep thinking of vengeance. When I’m around you, I feel more at peace. I want to save my pack from Karina, but I am not sure about sacrificing lives just to get revenge on her. Remember what you said to me the other day about that? You had a point, and I heard it. My people have already suffered so much. Putting them through another traumatizing event just for the sake of vengeance isn’t fair to them. And putting the Silver Wolf through such trauma is not worth what it could do to her. When I’m around you, my head clears. The darkness fades away, and I know what I should do, as opposed to what I think I’m supposed to do.”
My heart is beating at a rhythm I can’t keep up with. Does Alex know what he’s saying? Does he understand what he’s implying with his words?
He hasn’t thought them through. This sounds like a love confession, just like at the lake and when he was in my bedroom. But his words hurt because even when he claims to feel this way, he will never truly be with me. I don’t know why I am being so lenient with his presence around me. I should tell him to leave. I should be harsh with my words. I should let him know that I am not going to allow my heart to be played with like a ping-pong ball.
So, why do the words not come out of my mouth?
Why do I feel so secure with him here? Why am I getting so used to his presence? The second he finds the person he is looking for, he will go far away. And we may never meet again. And just like that, I’ll be all alone once more.
I try not to think about the future. I try very hard not to think about how I will feel when Alex is gone. But the one thing I try my hardest not to think about is how I feel about this man.
It’s irrelevant. My feelings are always going to be irrelevant. So, it’s best not to think about them.
I try to change the subject. “Well, we now know one thing for sure. The Silver Wolf is in this town, and somebody knows about her existence and her identity. What if we try to find this person and force them to reveal her identity?” I can feel Alex watching me, but I move away from him, walking to the front of the room to stand by the television, desperate to put some distance between us. “If we can get an idea about who this person is, we’ll be able to locate the wolf. You can use me as bait. If you draw him out—”
“Absolutely not! ” Alex thunders. “We are not using you as bait! Get that idea out of your head.”
My brows knit together as I turn to face him. “Why? You need to find the Silver Wolf, don’t you? This is the easiest way.”
He’s no longer sitting on the couch, either. His hands are balled into fists by his side, his face white. “No. Out of the question.”
“But why?” I demand.