The Alpha’s Fated Choice (Alpha's Fated Encounter Trilogy #1)

I see the surprise on her face, but she doesn’t ask why her boss dropped off food. Instead, she bites into the beef sandwich with relish. If I thought I was hungry, after the past couple of hours, Sophia is practically ravenous. She inhales half of the sandwiches on the tray before finally sighing and leaning back against the headboard.

I want to say something, but I’m too worried about putting my foot in my mouth at the moment. She hasn’t screamed or yelled at me. She hasn’t called me a monster for taking advantage of her. Even if I was helping her, I can’t help but feel that what I did was wrong.

It’s almost as if Sophia can read my mind, because she glances at me. “Stop beating yourself up.”

“I—”

She doesn’t let me speak. “It wasn’t as if I was completely out of it. It was more like I could see through my eyes, but I couldn’t control my body. And it was starting to hurt. A lot. It was my wolf who came to you. It trusts you.”

“I’m sorry,” I finally murmur regretfully.

She gives me a tightlipped smile. “What do you have to be sorry about? You helped me. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I forced you into a position where you had to sleep with me. I know it was distasteful, but—”

“Distasteful?” I stare at her, stupefied. “Is that what you’re thinking? That I found the whole experience horrific?”

She shrugs, grabbing one of the water bottles I brought from the fridge. She sips the water, but it seems like she’s just giving herself something to do rather than look at me. She really does think that I find her unattractive. After everything I’ve said and done, she still refuses to believe me.

“Do you know how hard it is to keep my hands off you?” I glare at her, furious about the way she sees herself from my eyes. “Touching you is as natural as breathing to me. I feel like you’re trying to convince yourself that I am repulsed by you, even though I tell you it’s the opposite. You drive me fucking insane, Sophia! I have never had to practice more self-control than when I’m around you. And if it were just your body, it would be simple. But it’s not just that!”

My voice tapers off as I finally say the words out loud.

“If it were only the fated mate bond,” I say slowly, my chest aching, “it would be easy.”

I get off the bed and start to pace, my heart churning, a combination of misery and anger coursing through me.

“You are the farthest thing from distasteful to me. If my shoulders weren’t carrying the burdens off my entire pack, do you think I would hesitate? When I had you under me, I desperately wanted to give you the mating mark. It would have been so easy to blame it on the heat of the moment. But I couldn’t. My desires, my needs, come after those of my pack. Alphas don’t live for themselves. I can’t be with you because I have to protect my pack.”

I smell the salt of her tears, and I turn around to see Sophia’s hands fisted in the bedsheet, tears streaming down her face. I shut up.

Again, because of me, she’s crying. Why is it always because of me?

I know she’s going to reject my touch, but I go over to her. Sitting down next to her, I take her in my arms. She doesn’t fight me. Her face presses against my chest. Her tears are silent, and my wolf stirs, a mournful cry emitting from it.

It feels like her tears are for both of us, for the words she refuses to speak, for the pain she refuses to admit to, the pain I am putting her through because of my rejection. I can’t offer any words of comfort to her. What should I even say?

This is an impossible situation.

However, there is something I need to confirm for her.

I pull away so I can look her in the eye. “You have to understand, Sophia. I am not rejecting you because I want to. I don’t care if your wolf is latent. That is of the least consequence to me. I would choose you in a heartbeat if it were up to me.”

Her sharp intake of breath doesn’t escape me.

“But if I am selfish and choose you, I will be unable to protect the pups of my pack. My people have suffered for years. We have faced so much loss that I don’t think they can take any more. They wouldn’t begrudge me for choosing my happiness, but I can’t do that to them.”

Sophia angles away from me, not meeting my gaze. “I understand.”

“It doesn’t seem like you do,” I say slowly.

I can still smell the faint arousal coming from her, but I don’t move any closer.

“I understand that you have to choose your pack.” Sophia’s voice is quiet and subdued in a way I have never heard before. She looks out the window, a weary expression on her face that just about kills me. “I understand it all. I guess I just thought that maybe somebody would choose me for once.”

Her words pierce me deep inside. The loneliness and sadness in her last sentence make me feel like a monster. She gets to her feet. “I’m going to take a shower. I think you’re feeling well enough now; perhaps you should go back to the motel.”

I don’t want to end our conversation here. I want to talk with her. I want to get into her head and clear up any misunderstandings she has. But as she walks away from me, her gait uneven, I stop myself from reaching out to her. Will my words change anything? They will not alter the reality. I suppose it would be best, for Sophia’s sake, if I just leave.

“The aphrodisiac,” I say suddenly.