Lib Novel Page 63
Suddenly Cora was crying, hands covering her face as her shoulders shook.
Seeing her cry made his heart ache even more. He wanted to take her in his arms, but he was afraid it would upset her, and besides, he was drenched in freezing water, from his shoes to his thighs and his hands up to his elbows from searching the creek bed.
Light footsteps on the stairs drew his attention and he glanced up to see Sylvester’s face light up to see him and immediately collapse into sadness when he saw his mother crying.
“Mama,” he called to her, sailing down the rest of the stairs and latching himself around her waist. “Don’t cry. What’s wrong?”
“Jared found something for you,” she said, dropping her hands from her face to wrap her arms around him for a brief squeeze.
Sylvester looked to Jared, who was still holding the keychain in his open hand.
“My football,” Sylvester cried, snatching it up and curling his fist around it protectively, then pulling it to his chest. “You found it.”
“It’s important to you,” Jared repeated, smiling in spite of everything.
“Run back upstairs and get back in bed now,” Cora said to Sylvester. “I need to talk to Jared for a minute, then I’ll be up to check on you.”
“Thank you,” Sylvester said solemnly to Jared before he turned and scampered back up the stairs.
They both watched after him until the sound of his door closing had Cora turning back to Jared.
“It belonged to his father,” she said quietly.
“I thought so,” Jared said. “I’ve seen him fiddle with it, especially when he’s nervous or excited.”
“Arthur ran every day,” Cora said. She glanced toward the window, her eyes seemingly set on her memories. “He wasn’t big and muscular like you and your brothers, but he was very healthy. He was steady, calm, and kind. He loved us quietly, with everything he had.”
Jared nodded, his chest aching for her loss.
“It happened suddenly,” she said, her voice breaking a little. “A tiny blood vessel burst in his brain when he was out for his morning run one day. A neighbor found him on the sidewalk, but he was already gone. They told me it was painless…”
She broke off, inhaling slowly in a way that looked to Jared to be born of the practice calming herself quietly. She had been the mother to a small child when they had lost Arthur so suddenly. She would have needed to be strong for him.
The control and restraint she always showed suddenly made a lot more sense to Jared, and he wondered who and what she had been, before losing her husband.
He clenched his fists by his sides, hating that she had to bear her sadness alone, that she had ever needed to hold anything in, even for Sylvester’s sake. He wished he could soak in all her pain and carry it himself for a while.
“Losing him like that,” she went on after a moment. “I think it changed me. I’m stronger now, but I’m also scared. I’m so scared…”
“You don’t want to lose Sylvester,” Jared said, nodding.
“Arthur was perfectly healthy,” she said. “But Sylvester has asthma, and I think… I think I’ve been using it as a reason to keep him close, to stop him from taking risks, and to stop myself too…”
Jared waited, watching the wheels turn in her head.
“He needs to have his inhaler with him and avoid allergy triggers, obviously,” she said. “But I can’t keep him locked in this house for the rest of his life. And I can’t lock myself up with him.”
She took a step closer to Jared, a tremulous expression on her face and hope in her eyes.
“And I don’t just mean staying safe physically,” she said softly, her eyes dipping a little. “I mean I’ve been protecting our hearts, too. I don’t know how either of us could ever deal with another loss like that. But I realized something tonight. You’re already in his heart.”
Jared felt tears prickling his own eyes now.
“That little keychain would have seemed worthless to anyone else,” she said. “But you understood its value, because you understand Sylvester.”
He nodded, unable to speak.
“I want you to understand me too,” she whispered. “I want to let you in. But I’m so scared.”