Lib Novel Page 3
Once again, I feel the stinging sensation crowding the sides of my eyes as my chest tightens and my stomach recoils from pain and agony and I want to—so desperately want to—curl up and let the destruction within me lose once again. I want to just give in to the weakness begging me to give up and admit defeat, but I can’t.
I won’t.
I won’t allow another man to walk all over me again. Those men can go to hell and take those sneaky tears with them while I will keep going. Keep climbing up. Keep living and proving that I am worth it.
Only, my resolve lasts all of one hour before I make my way into the lab in hopes of distracting myself with work, yet as soon as I step inside the chilled building with beautiful architecture, memories of us hit me like a train wreck. The first touch happened just there below that white table where he was explaining his idea to Dr. Levine and me.
It was barely a caress, yet his eyes snapped to mine right that second, and I had to suck in a lungful of pungent, formalin-scented air around us to keep from falling off that stool. I remember telling myself it was nothing and I shouldn’t get any ideas but the next day he did it again and this time there was no mistaking his intention. Or shall I say, lie…
The first kiss we shared was right around the corner, in the hallway where anyone could see us, but Justin said he didn’t care, actually his exact words were, “Let them see who managed to get the prettiest scientist all to himself.”
And I melted like an ice cube in the dessert.
Evaporated straight into him.
When in reality, he chose the time of day when no one but me was in the lab. There would be no one to walk in and see anything.
The memories assault me from each corner and all of a sudden, the only thing I want is to drop to the cold, tiled floor and wail like a baby once again. I am not a crier, so just why the hell am I feeling so much all of a sudden? Why is this pain raging and blasting through me like a serrated knife?
Breathe, Zoe! Time will heal you. And maybe a few cut off penises, even if they come from the corpses in our lab. It will still make me feel better.
I have just managed to put on my lab coat without breaking apart when a voice startles me.
“Zoe?” I whip around—or more like jump out of my skin while clutching my heart—to see my boss frowning at me from the door to her office.
“Oh my God, Dr. Levine,” I say in a breathless voice, and I swear I see a small smile tug on the corner of her lips.
What is this? The official apocalypse? In two years, I’ve never once seen her smile.
“Sorry to spook you. What are you doing here?” she asks me when I should be the one asking her that.
Dr. Levine never shows up on Saturdays, therefore, I thought it would be a safe space for me to hide and distract myself today.
“Um, I-I’m always here on Saturdays. Catching up on work.” I stumble on my words slightly because she still frightens me at times. Joy Levine is beyond beautiful with her long, rich dark brown hair, dark, deep eyes that seem to see more that you are willing to show and a lush curvy figure that turns nearly every male eye, however, I haven’t seen her give anyone a time of day. Not once.
Dr. Levine is the epitome of a gorgeous workaholic.
“You are?” she asks with surprise because I’ve never told her I come to catch up on work during the weekends. Because like an idiot I was always alone during them, believing my boyfriend had study groups, conferences or business meetings.
“Y-yes. Um, there is a lot to do, and I can’t quite do it all during normal hours,” I admit to my inadequacy and cringe, dropping my head down as I await her lashing out that I’m too incompetent to finish the basic tasks she gives me during the week, yet it doesn’t come.
Nothing comes out of her mouth for a long, pregnant minute, forcing me to lift up my eyes and only then I see her shoulders drop, the hands she had twisted in front of her chest, loosening and her face morphing into a weird mask of confusion, pain and sympathy?
“Zoe, go home, I’ll take care of it today,” she finally says with a long exhale and all I can do is blink in return.
“Um, what?”
“Go home; I got this today.” She waves me off.
“But you’re never here on Saturdays.” The words tumble out of my mouth before I can think better of them because who the hell do I think I am talking to her like this but once again she doesn’t give me that death glare I expect. No, her eyes are full of some other emotion I can’t understand.
“Well, that’s no longer true, and I’ll be here all the time from now on.” Bitterness. That’s what I see in her eyes. “So go, live your life. Don’t be stuck like I am.”
Live my life? No, thank you. I have tried and tried again but living my life is not for me. “Um, if you don’t mind, could I stay?”
Dr. Levine pierces me with an assessing gaze, and I wish I would take her offer of leaving because like I said before, my boss seems to see way more than anyone else, and asks me, “What’s wrong, Zoe? What happened?”
“N-nothing.” My voice shakes, the truth just begging to be allowed to climb out and spill right at her feet. To share this pain with someone else but I don’t exactly have any friends and my boss seems to be the last person who I should spill all of my crappy life choices to. I can’t. However, Dr. Levine keeps pushing and when she utters my name in that authoritative doctor’s voice of hers, I break.