Sunshine Kisses

‘You said something last night,’ Abby started slowly.

‘I said a lot of things last night. Chief among them, telling you that you feel absolutely fucking perfect.’ He grinned widely at her. She flicked his nose. That smile grew, eyes crinkling, and she marvelled at how much joy was contained in this little cocoon they had carved out for themselves.

‘You said you’d been thinking about this for a decade. Is that— Is that when—’

‘Is that when I fell in love with you?’

Abby nodded.

‘No,’ Erik continued thoughtfully. ‘I can’t really pinpoint it. Asking when I fell in love with you is like asking how I learnt to breathe.’ He paused, inhaling slowly. ‘I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t completely consumed by you. Whether it was thinking you were the prettiest girl on the playground when we were six, or being eleven and wanting to kiss you while you told me about a new favourite book or turning sixteen and realising you were waking up parts of my body I’d barely discovered.’

She blushed at that admission, and her heart continued to skip with each confession.

‘I tried, Abby. I tried so hard to deny how I felt about you, even in my own head. At first I could tell myself I was just a kid, and I didn’t even know what love was and you were my best friend so of course I loved you. I was just confusing that with being in love with you. Then I told myself it was hormones, and naturally I was physically attracted to you because you were objectively gorgeous. And obviously it didn’t mean anything because we were just friends. Two words I’d be very happy to never hear again in my life, by the way.’

The feeling was certainly mutual, she thought as she laughed.

‘It got harder and harder to pretend. Eventually I had to face the fact that I was head over heels for you. But I’ve never known you not to go after exactly what you want. It’s one of the things I’ve always loved most about you. So I figured if you weren’t making a move or even hinting that I should, it was because you didn’t want anything more. Then you let me kiss you that night. Best moment of my life. And I could finally see a different future for us. The one I wanted. I just wish I’d told you I loved you then. It could have all been different.’

‘I’m sorry—’ Abby started, aching with the weight of all the pain she’d put him through.

Erik cut her off with a shake of his head. ‘Don’t. We’re together now. That’s all that matters. We just…took a long road to get there. Those few months where we were barely talking though? Those were rough. It was enough to show me I couldn’t live without you. However I could have you. But those feelings never went away. Three years ago, I was finally ready to try again. I was coming home for Christmas, and I figured I’d see where you were at, hoping against hope that you had changed your mind.’

‘But I was with Sam.’ Sweet, kind Sam, who she’d agreed to a date with after four months of trading book recommendations in the library. Sam who, while perfect on paper, had never sent her heart soaring the way Erik did.

‘You looked really happy with him. He treated you well. You’d only been together a few months but things looked serious. And I wasn’t going to be the dickhead guy who waited years and then made his move right when you got a boyfriend. So I tried to move on again. Casey had always been a little flirty, and I liked her. We went on a few dates. Started hooking up. Made it official eventually. And she was great. She wasn’t you, but I thought I could be happy with her. And then Christmas before last she came home with me.’

Regret clouded his face. If their ending had been anything like hers with Sam, she knew Erik likely felt some guilt about it.

‘She knew about you, obviously. Knew that we’d grown up together. That we told each other everything. Knew about the crazy long emails. I think she found it sweet. A little unconventional, maybe, but sweet. And then she saw us together. Saw how I still looked at you. That’s when things started to get bad. She’d made little comments while I was emailing you. If I forgot to tell her something inane, she’d say things like “I bet Abby knew”. I, uh, I wasn’t a great boyfriend. Especially near the end. Things got steadily worse. And eventually we stopped fighting. That was worse. Because we both knew we’d just stopped caring. They offered her a new project in October. She took it. We broke up when she moved. And within a week, before I’d even told you, you dropped in an email that you’d broken up with Sam.

‘It felt like after so many years, the universe was finally aligning for us. So I booked a flight and kissed you on New Year’s. And that bombed. But Alex convinced me it didn’t count if I was wearing a mask.’ A wry grin twisted his face. ‘So. This trip. My final shot for us. I hadn’t planned on jumping into bed with you within a couple of days, I swear.’

‘And yet, you brought condoms, just in case,’ she teased.

‘I didn’t pack them! Alex sent them with mum. He was obviously expecting something to happen between us on this trip.’

That visual was amusing enough that Abby allowed herself to be sidetracked. ‘He gave your dear devout mother, a woman whose entire family plan consisted of the pull-and-pray method, a box of condoms to pass on to you?’

‘Not exactly. Take a look in the drawer.’ Amusement crept across Erik’s face as Abby pulled open the top drawer next to her and found…a box of green tea? ‘Open it.’

She did, and found a neat row of foil squares, each printed with the name of the tea brand on the box. When she ripped one of the packets open, clear latex fell out.

‘Your brother is possibly the most ridiculous man I’ve ever met,’ she said around an attack of giggles.

‘That he is,’ Erik agreed. ‘But he’s also kind of a genius. If he’d wrapped up a normal box, mum absolutely would have snooped to see what he got me. This looked innocent enough, and she hates green tea, so no risk of her opening it up. Plus he got to test this custom packaging company he’s thinking of investing in. Putting the box where I could easily get to it was admittedly wishful thinking on my part. But I honestly intended to start out just flirting a little.’

‘Like helping me with my shoes?’

‘I plan to spend a lot of my life on my knees in front of you. I figured I’d give you a taster.’ He smirked. Rightly so. She had certainly enjoyed the sight. ‘I’d see how you responded, and if you seemed into it, work up to telling you how I felt. I figured if you still didn’t want me, at least I’d finally know, right? I’d have closure, and maybe I’d be able to move on. The thought of losing you forever fucking terrified me, but I also wasn’t prepared to spend the rest of my life without you because I was scared. I wanted to fight for you. For us.’

Abby had shifted nearer to him as he spoke, nuzzling her face into his neck. To show him she was there, without interrupting his diatribe with words. It seemed as if he needed to get this out. Erik’s arms tightened around her.

‘Then I saw that preppy little prick talking to you at the bar, and I went straight to possessive arsehole, didn’t I?’

‘Little bit.’ Abby giggled, pressing her lips to the hollow next to his collarbone. ‘I’ll tell you a secret though. I was definitely pissed at you; don’t get me wrong. But it was also really hot.’

‘Oh yeah?’ He grinned and shifted them, leaning over her to kiss her deeply.