Sunshine Kisses

There was no way of hiding what she’d been doing. Her bare shoulders peeked out the top of her sheets. One leg was bent; the other dangled out the bed. With the writhing she’d been doing, her hair must have been wild. And that telltale buzzing—shit. She moved her hand frantically over the vibrator, desperately seeking the off switch.

‘Fuck, Erik, we spoke about knocking!’

‘Sorry. Shit. Sorry!’ he said quickly, ducking back into the bathroom and slamming the door.

Nine years before

Talk to Me – Cavetown

E

rik lifted his head at the sound of his door opening with a click.

‘Hey. Your dad let me in.’ Abby’s voice was thick, and he tossed his book aside immediately.

‘Everything okay?’ he asked, his chest pulling tight at the sight of her.

She dropped by unannounced all the time. But not normally after nine at night, with fuzzy slippers at the end of her leggings and red, puffy eyes. ‘Can we talk?’

Ten minutes later they were on Erik’s veranda swing, Abby zipped into his cosiest hoodie. Whatever had her so upset was bad enough that she’d run out the house without a care for the chilly pre-autumn evening. They sat there for a while, his arm around her shoulders, her body nestled into his side while she picked at the sandwich he’d put together and pushed into her hands when she’d said she hadn’t had dinner yet.

‘Abby?’

‘Mhm?’

‘You wanted to talk.’

Abby nodded, took a deep breath, and said…nothing.

‘Do you want to tell me a story?’

She huffed a light laugh, her breath clouding in front of them. They sat in silence for a few more seconds before she started to speak slowly. ‘Once upon a time, there was a little girl whose parents were desperate for her to grow up and become a doctor, just like them. For years, she dutifully followed the path they’d laid out for her. But she preferred books to blood and she finally told her parents she wanted to study literature instead of medicine.’

‘Oh shit,’ Erik breathed. The hand not cradling her to him snaked down to lace their fingers together. ‘I take it her parents were not overjoyed.’

Abby laughed, bitterness creeping into what was normally his favourite sound in the world. ‘You could say that.’

Erik squeezed her hand, giving her time to formulate her next words.

‘They told her they couldn’t fathom why she wouldn’t want to be a doctor. Why she wouldn’t want to help people and save lives.’ A heaving breath shook her body. ‘I said some horrible things, Erik. I said I didn’t want their life. That I didn’t want a job that consumes me the way theirs does. That when I get married and have kids one day, I want to be able to have dinner with my family every night. Not a couple of times a week when my schedule of caring for other people’s children allows for it.’

She leaned her head closer to Erik’s and he pressed a long kiss into her hair. ‘You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,’ he murmured into the golden mass, thinking of how often Abby was round for dinner so she didn’t have to eat by herself. How many times she’d stayed over when they were kids because her parents weren’t home to look after her. How tonight, after reducing their only child to tears, they’d both left for the hospital, leaving her to stew in her pain.

‘Then they said I was selfish. And ungrateful. And that they’ve sacrificed so much for me to have a good future and I should appreciate that more.’

‘Well, fuck that,’ Erik said flatly.

Abby gave a wet, throaty laugh and swiped at her eyes.

‘That is the biggest load of bullshit,’ he continued, voice low and even, ‘I have ever heard.’

‘They’re right though, Erik. I owe them—’

‘Nothing. You owe them nothing, Sunshine.’ Erik ran the tips of his fingers up and down her arm, slowly drawing patterns he hoped would soothe her, even as bitterness coated his words. ‘They’re your parents. They owe you love and support. And you owe yourself a chance at happiness that you’re never going to get if you keep destroying your mind and body going after their dreams. You’re sixteen-years-old and you know what you want to do with your life. Do they not see what a gift that is? So many parents would kill to have their child be as certain about their future as you are. And what? They don’t give a shit because it’s not the exact plan they formulated for you in-utero?’ Words were tumbling from his mouth faster now, anger lacing his voice. ‘Have they even noticed how much weight you’ve lost? How sick you look? How fucking miserable you’ve been for months?’

Abby’s silence was answer enough, but a tiny shake of her head after a few moments confirmed it.

Erik shuddered as he ran through a breathing exercise he’d been practising that week, expelling his rage with every exhale. When he felt calm enough to speak again, he cupped Abby’s chin gently, coaxing her eyes towards his. ‘Listen to me. You are wonderful and intelligent and good and even if your parents can’t appreciate that, I’m going to make damn sure you believe it.’