Starkeeper of the Fractured Crown

I could still feel her. Feel her fist slam into my jaw again and again. Feel her spit land on my cheek. Hear the words she spoke to me reverberating off my bones.

Useless.

Worthless.

Pathetic.

I didn’t have it in me to pretend today.

Cole’s eyes had turned black. “Yeah, Talons,” he nodded. “I got it.”

I closed my journal and leaned back in the chair, pulling my knees up to rest my shins on the table. “Have you told your High King your mission report? I suspect he’ll be grateful for the things I told you.”

He searched my eyes, as if trying to read me, trying to figure out why my reaction was so severe.

It was an answer he would never find. I didn’t need friends. Even if I wanted them, I wouldn’t go searching for them within the Fallen species. Not until I knew more about them.

After the nightmares last night, reminding me of their history, I woke up this morning realizing how stupid I was letting him get so close to me so soon. Yes, I needed to understand them more, but I could do that without riding his hand into mediocre oblivion.Especially after only a day of knowing him. That was just—

“Pathetic,”Mom’s voice chided.

Yeah, pathetic.

“He lied about something he shouldn’t have,” he finally told me.

I lifted a hand and dropped it. “Did he lie about something he shouldn’t have, or did he lie about something you think he shouldn’t have?”

He didn’t like that question. “What’s the difference?”

“Opinion. People lie for all sorts of reasons. To protect someone, to protect themselves. Unfortunately, being a ruler means that you have more secrets than the average person and that the people, meaning you and everyone below the ruler, don’t need to know everything. That’s part of wearing the crown. Part of being a General is holding your tongue. No matter what it costs you.”

“Even if it’s your will to live?”

If it had been anyone else, I’m sure they would have flinched back at how bluntly he stated that, but I understood it. I still did on the more difficult days. “Yes,” I answered quietly. “You’re a General, if keeping secrets from your second means saving the lives of your warriors but losing the life of him, who would you chose? The one or the many?”

He lifted his chin.

“The one.”

“The many,” he replied evenly. “Always.”

I blinked, shaking my head, looking behind me as a shiver ran down my spine. It sounded like the wind, that whisper. Something deep and dark. The low purr of a demon carried through the walls.

“Talons?”

“Hmm?” I asked, turning back to him.

“Did you not like my answer?”

I swallowed, gripping my journal. “No, um…” I shook my head again, trying to clear my suddenly muddled thoughts. “Sorry, I thought I heard something. Choosing the many is rational,” I went on. “It’s what any good leader would do. And you would keep secrets from your men too, wouldn’t you? If it protected them.”

Cole nodded once, his eyes cast down as if he were suddenly too ashamed to look me in the eyes.

“Then how can you blame him for doing the same thing you would do? That’s a hypocrite and that’s worse than being a murderer.”

He frowned. “You can’t be serious.”

I shrugged and shoved myself to a stand. “If you’re a murderer, people know it. A murderer isn’t a person someone looks at and thinks ‘yeah, I could trust him on a dark night in the middle of the woods’. But a hypocrite? You think you can trust them, you do favors for them, listen to them, get advice from them, and then they go behind your back, break their word, and nothing’s the same. It’s almost easier to trust a murderer because at least you know he’s a killer. You can trust he’ll kill again. But not a hypocrite. Never a hypocrite.”