Lib Novel Page 93
“Nina, please talk to me.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Brayden
I watch her run off, and I know exactly what’s going on in her mind, because I’m grappling with this too. The past few weeks, I have been so annoyed with Jordy, I can barely breathe. I’m angry at this fucking charade. I’m mad that she’s trampled all over my comforts as I maintain hers. I’m mad that she’s staying on the ranch, and that her parents are here this weekend, as if we never broke up at all.
Yet, I don’t want to hurt her. It’s one thing to have told her I cheated, but once she finds out it’s Nina…
I’m both looking forward to moving on with Nina and feeling completely gutted about telling Jordy the truth.
It had surprised me that Nina still sat with us, but her presence brought me peace. My mistake was touching her shoulder. I shouldn’t have done that. It was irresponsible and completely disrespectful to Jordy. I don’t even know why I did it, except that it was hard to be that close to her and not touch her. But when she jerked out of my reach, I was instantly brought back to reality. Even worse, Jordy thought I was being affectionate with her, which will only confuse things when the truth finally comes out.
Then Nina ran. I knew if I didn’t check in with her, she was going to tell herself all kind of stories that would make her believe we shouldn’t happen.
I care that we’re about to hurt a lot of people, but I love Nina more—and I won’t lose her again.
“Go find your parents. I’m going to use the restroom really quick,” I tell Jordy. She nods, not even bothering to question me.
As soon as her back is turned, I’m off and running, watching Nina weave in and out of the crowd, frantically looking around. Finally she dips behind a pillar next to the ship railing. If I hadn’t seen her disappear, I wouldn’t know where to find her.
I look behind me to make sure no one is following me, then I slip toward the same place Nina is. Her back is to me, her shoulders heaving under her wrap as she looks out at the ocean. I hesitate, knowing she’s processing some heavy feelings right now. Even in her grief, she’s easily the most beautiful person on this ship. Her hair is like silk, cascading down her back in soft waves. I’ve never seen it this color, and it’s mesmerizing. Her curves are celebrated in the dress she’s wearing, the way it tapers at her waist and skims over her hips. I want to run my hand over the pale-yellow satin, to feel the smoothness of it over the warmth of her body.
I can’t hold back any longer. I reach out, my hand brushing her hair aside to find the warmth of her neck. She doesn’t jump or try to move away. She just breathes, her shoulders relaxing slightly as she leans into my touch.
“Nina, please talk to me.”
She turns, her eyes red and filled with tears, and she shakes her head. “I can’t do this, Bray. I can’t hurt her like this.”
“I know this is hard, Sweetheart,” I murmur. “There are no winners here. Either she gets hurt, or we do, and Nina, sometimes you need to choose you.”
“Yeah, but this is such a fucked up way to do it. Every time I think about what we’ve done, what we’re going to do, I just want to crawl into a hole and die. I feel like the worst person in the world.”
“But you’re not,” I tell her, cupping her face in my hand. She closes her eyes, running her cheek against my palm. A fresh tear escapes her eyes. “Sugar, neither one of us wanted to hurt anyone. But don’t you think we fell into each other’s lives for a reason? Don’t you think fate had a hand in bringing us together? Because I do.”
“The list,” she whispers.
“What list?”
She opens her eyes, then takes a step away from me, wiping her eyes. “Nothing. Something stupid and childish. It doesn’t matter because we can’t do this.”
“Nina, please. Don’t do this.” I reach for her, but she turns her head. My hand drops at my side. “I can’t live without you.”
“Yes, you can,” she says. Her mouth forms a firm line, and I can almost see the tears she’s holding back. “You have, and you will. We need to stop before we’re in too deep.”
“We’re already in too deep.” God, the desperation I feel. The sheer panic that’s racing through my veins. I’m watching her slip through my fingers, right in front of me, and it feels like death calling me.
“I can’t,” she says, but it comes out like a whimper. I see her lower lip tremble, the tears now cascading down her cheeks as she looks at me. Her eyes are so damn blue I could lose myself in them. My heart shatters for her. This time when I reach for her, she doesn’t break away. She leans into my chest, wrapping her arms around me.
“I love you so goddamn much,” she says. “And I’m fucking mad at our timing. Why couldn’t we meet all those years ago when I was at the ranch? Why couldn’t you come home from college and see me and let me see you? We could have bypassed all of this mess.”
“I wasn’t ready for you,” I tell her, then kiss the top of her head. “And you weren’t ready either. We both had so much healing to do that we wouldn’t even have recognized each other if we’d met.” I lean back, and she looks up into my eyes. “I know it’s messy, but I think we met at the perfect time. Because Nina, I see you. I can see all the way to your soul, and there is no one I’d rather be with than you.”
She looks to the side, sighing out a shaky breath. “I’m so torn.”
“I know.” I smooth the hair from her face, run my finger along her eyebrow, her cheekbone, her perfect little earlobes.
“I’m sick and tired of constantly worrying about what my family will think,” she forces out, then huffs a laugh. “I mean, they already think I’m shit. They think I’ve done all these terrible things, but this time they’ll be right.” She looks at me. “Except, things with Jordy are different. We were once so close. She was the only person I could tell everything to, and when we lost that, I felt like I’d lost a piece of my soul. To have her back in my life…” Nina wipes at her eyes. “I can’t do this to her. I can’t even believe I did.”