Savior Complex: A Small Town Love Triangle Romance

I glance at Brayden. We’ve avoided talk of this moment the entire weekend, as if not mentioning the inevitable will keep it from happening. Yet, here we are, driving towards a future that doesn’t include the two of us together. I want to tell him to choose me. To forget my cousin and break every promise he’s made to her. I want him to make me a promise of forever, one he refuses to break.

But then I think of Jordy, who has no idea what’s happened this weekend. Whose child was taken from her. Who can never have kids of her own.

Who has Brayden’s ring on her finger and a promise in her heart.

I think of the girl I grew up with, who was my best friend in so many ways. Jordy was raised the same way I was, with a mom who would never think she’s good enough, and who forced her to keep secrets she never should have been made to keep. Both our moms made us sweep our blemishes under the carpet, when what we really needed was a friend.

How would things have been different if Jordy knew I’d been raped in high school, that this was why I was living at Nanna Dot’s in the first place? Would Jordy have healed better if she could have shared her pregnancy loss? Would she have shared it with me?

Of course she would have. The fact that she opened up about it now, when our relationship is so fragile, says a lot about where she is with me. How she trusted me with her heart. And how do I repay her? By sleeping with her fiancé.

So how can I even consider begging him to choose me?

How could I fall in love with him when he’s not mine to fall in love with?

He looks my way now, and I immediately avert my eyes. His hand takes mine, and tears spring to my eyes, making a trail down my cheeks.

“Hey,” he says, tugging on my hand. I wipe my eyes and look back at him, offering a weak smile that he matches with his own tear-filled eyes.

“I know,” he whispers.

He doesn’t tell me he’ll change things. Even after all this, amidst all my guilt, I still want him to choose me. But he doesn’t say it. Even though I know both of us will lose so much if he chooses me, I am so disappointed that he won’t make it happen.

“How do we go on from here?” I ask him. I genuinely need the answer, because I don’t know. How will I not die every time he’s with Jordy? How do I breathe when I go to the ranch and can’t touch him? How will I survive without his body pressed to mine, our lives intertwined?

“I’m not sure,” he admits. “I didn’t realize how painful this would be. I just…” He pauses, wiping at his eyes. When he lowers his hand, his face has a look of fury. “I feel torn,” he bites out. “This whole thing is fucking unfair. To me, to you, and to Jordy. I know what I want to do, and I know what I need to do. But both are going to make me hurt the people I love, no matter which way I turn.” He looks away, slipping his hand from mine. I feel the chill in the car immediately. The silence is deafening; the sound of my heart pounding in my ears is all I can hear.

He won’t choose me.

The Uber driver takes the offramp toward the terminal, and I can feel the countdown as if it’s clicking to completion in front of me. One one-thousand. Two one-thousand. Your time is almost up.

“I don’t regret it,” he whispers.

I bite back a sob, because I’m not sure I can say the same. If I’d never experienced what it was like to open up to him, to love him, to feel what it was like for him to love me back, then I wouldn’t hurt this badly.

I loved every minute of being with him, but I wish I’d been able to see the ending before we got here. I should have at least predicted it. Because now I’m filled with more regret than I’ve ever had in my life.

So I say nothing, and when we pull in front of the bus stop, I exit the car without so much as looking at him.

On the bus, I find a seat near the front and immediately put my headphones on. Brayden has no idea, walking in front of the guys as he leads the way to the middle of the bus where we were last time. I think I’m in the clear, except Levi slips into the seat next to me, much to my disappointment. I keep my headphones on, my head turned toward the window, hoping that Levi will get the message that this will be a silent ride home if he stays next to me.

I like Levi, though. Over the past month, I’ve gotten to know all the guys fairly well. At least, I’ve gotten to know them as well as any coworker gets to know the people they work with. I know enough that I like all of them, but Levi is probably my favorite outside of Brayden. He’s the most down to earth and levelheaded of the crew. Whenever I didn’t know how to do something, which was often, Levi was always there to help me see it through.

“You missed a great conference,” he says, ignoring my headphones and my turned away head. For a moment, I think I’ll pretend I can’t hear him. But it feels so completely rude to a guy who doesn’t deserve it. So I remove the headphones and give him a nod and a tight smile.

“It’s not like I know enough to be there,” I point out. “I’m not even sure why I came. It seems silly when I’m just a barista without a coffee job who happens to work on a ranch.”

“You belonged there,” Levi says. “I know Brayden wanted you there.”

Just the mention of Brayden’s name has me turned towards the window again, just so Levi can’t see the tears in my eyes.

“Did you guys get whatever Brayden’s friend needed sorted out at his ranch?”

I nod, unable to say any words that will be a lie. I let the silence linger long enough that I consider putting my headphones back on.

“Let’s play a game,” Levi says, ruining my plan. I can’t help the loud sigh that escapes my lips, but it makes him laugh. “Come on, it will help pass the time.”

“Fine,” I say, packing my headphones in my travel bag, but keeping them within reach. “What game?”