Savior Complex: A Small Town Love Triangle Romance

“None,” I whisper.

“And how much of that inheritance has slipped through your fingers?”

I exhale a long breath, my heart pounding wildly at these pointed questions. “As little as possible,” I say with a shaky breath. “The coffee job isn’t enough to make ends meet, and I have to pay the bills. But I don’t feel right about it.”

“Why not? It’s your money.”

I turn to him. “I didn’t earn that money. I did no work for it, and I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t even want it. What I want is for my Nanna Dot to walk down the stairs and make me breakfast, to sing Tony Bennett in her off key voice, and to tell me that everything is going to be okay. Because you know what, Brayden? No one tells me that anymore. No one has even made me feel like everything is going to be okay since she died. When I lost my Nanna, I lost the last person who actually saw me. So no, I don’t spend her money, but I also won’t give it to them because she didn’t want them to have it, and I don’t either.”

I’m breathing hard when I finish, my whole body feeling like it’s going to explode with the amount of emotion filling this cab. This time when he reaches for me, taking hold of my hand, I don’t let go because I need an anchor to keep me grounded. I know it’s wrong. But why is it wrong? I hate Jordy. I don’t care if I hurt her. In fact, I want to hurt her after every way she’s twisted the knife in my back.

But I also don’t. There’s the part of me that doesn’t want to flirt with this idea of an affair—if that’s even what’s happening—because I’ll be the one who gets hurt in the end. But there’s the other part that feels protective over my cousin, who loves her in spite of our fractured relationship. I miss what we once had, and I think about her way too much for someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me.

Seeing her today pretty much cinched where I stand in her eyes, and where she stands in mine. The connection we once shared is completely severed. After tonight, I hope I never see her again.

“Have you ever thought about getting a roommate?” Brayden asks, cutting into my thoughts.

I look at him curiously. “That’s random.”

“It is, isn’t it,” he laughs. “I was just thinking of the other night, when I walked you home. Your house is so huge, and I can’t believe you live there by yourself.”

I offer a tight smile, then shrug. “I had roommate a couple months ago, my friend Maren. In fact, we used to work together, but then she got all big and successful with her music and ended up quitting her job and getting her own place. I thought about getting another roommate, but first I wanted to try out how it feels to live on my own since I never really have.”

“But you’re lonely.”

I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the window. “I don’t know,” I say. “Yes, I miss having someone there to talk to after work, and sometimes being alone makes me feel nervous. But I also like that I don’t have to answer to anyone about anything. I can eat what I want for dinner, keep my house any way I want, and walk around naked if I feel like it.”

When I look at him, I can see a slight flush to his cheeks. I can’t help wondering if he’s picturing me naked right now, even as we drive behind his fiancé in my car.

“What about you? What exactly does home life look like to you?”

“Crazy,” he answers. “I know you’re familiar with the Salt & Sea Ranch, so you know it has lodging there. We have guests staying in the cabins from Thursday to Sunday, so we constantly have a small crowd in the main house and on the grounds. I feel like my mom is always in the kitchen, but she also cares for my dad. He’s pretty self-sufficient, but the wheelchair limits him in many ways. You can imagine the strain on my mother’s shoulders. I’ve been trying to find someone to help her, but the right person hasn’t shown up yet. It’s my family, you know? So whoever I hire needs to be someone who gets along with everyone, as if they’re an extended part of our family.”

“That makes sense,” I say. “Is it just you and your parents?” When I was taking horseback riding lessons, I never had any interaction with the family who owned the ranch. It was just my instructor, and she was only renting the ring we were working in.

“I have…” He pauses a moment, long enough that I realize he’s stumbling over his words. I’m about to ask him, but he shakes his head. “I have a sister. Hazel. She’s seventeen, a senior in high school.”

“Does she work on the ranch too?”

“When she can. But she’s also on the track team and has a part time job tutoring a few freshmen, so she’s not always available. She’s heading to UC Davis in the fall, so I want to rely on her as little as possible.” He glances at me. “No use getting used to someone who can’t stay, you know?”

It’s almost like the words have a double meaning, like he doesn’t want to get used to me. But that’s silly because we’re only on a car ride that will be over in another hour. What will happen then? It shouldn’t matter, but I can’t help thinking how this could be my last interaction with him.

“Do you like being around so many people, with all the guests who visit the ranch?” I ask.

“Sometimes,” he says. “And sometimes, like you, I wonder what it would feel like to own my own space without worrying about anyone around me. But I think it would be short lived. Besides, I’d miss the guys I work with.”

“Oh really? Guys? Like single men who look like you?”

Brayden erupts into laughter. “Let’s just say our horse tours aren’t only popular because of the horses. We get a lot of ladies on our beach rides.”

“Damn, I might need to book a tour.”

His eyes narrow, and I bite my lip, knowing he’s bothered that I’m even pretending to think of other men. Whatever. Maybe I should book a tour, meet a cowboy, and ride off into the sunset with some other man. Because Brayden Winters doesn’t have the right to be jealous, and I don’t have the right to want him to be.

The sky is dark by now, and as the conversation lulls to a close, I stare out at the stars in the sky, mirroring the lights of the towns we’re passing through. As relieved as I am to have escaped the family dinner from hell, I’m dreading the loneliness of my empty house. I only touched on it with Brayden, but no one knows how clawing the darkness is, how loud the silence is, how—as much as I love living in my grandmother’s home—I also feel like a prisoner, like the walls are closing in. I know I need to find someone else to take Maren’s place as my roommate, but I’m also aware of how badly I’ve let the place go. Even after cleaning all day yesterday, there’s still so much to do to make the place presentable. I guess I could hire someone. I mean, what else am I using Nanna’s money on? But I can’t even bring myself to allow a stranger into my home.

“I suppose I could get a roommate,” I whisper, then realize I said it aloud. I peek at Brayden to see if he’s listening, but he’s just singing softly to the low music.