Primal Kill (The Order of Vampires #5)

Sad.

Adriel read it in her eyes. “What’s wrong? You saw something. Tell me.”

She didn’t know what to say. She could confess how much she initially downplayed the level of abuse she experienced. When Adriel told her how awful her mate was, Juniper had listened but she hadn’t truly understood. Not by a long shot.

She’d been unprepared for such raw memories. No resolution. No knight in shining armor. No magic apples or fairy godmothers or any of that other bullshit kids are shown to believe good will always triumph over evil. It was just…bleak.

She cleared her throat. “Your mind isdifferent from Dane’s. He’s been there several times, but…”

Perhaps it was the mating that made her psyche so complex. She wished she never saw those tender scars. She didn’t want to pity her, yet she couldn’t shut off her sympathy.

Adriel drew back in offense, likely smelling her emotions as immortals so annoyingly tended to do. “You said you were only looking for a presence.”

“I was.”

“Then why are you looking at me like that now, with regret?”

She was so worn out and tired, she didn’t have the fortitude to argue or even the cognitive strength to explain what she saw—at least not gently.

“He’s everywhere, Adriel. I was honestly only searching for his presence, but he’s ingrained in you.”

She stiffened and Juniper honestly didn’t know if that level of entrenchment might also trigger some bizarre protectiveness. If that was how deeply mates rooted in each other’s minds, maybe they really were fucked.

“What did you see?” Adriel’s stare hardened as she waited for an explanation with unflinching stoicism.

Juniper shook her head, feeling small and far too attached to her. “It was a lot.” She swallowed. “I…” A tear rolled down her cheek.

“Don’t. Don’t you dare shed a tear out of pityfor me.” She shot to her feet. “You had no right to rifle through my memories.”

Upset she’d unintentionally hurt her, another tear fell. “Ade, I didn’t do it on purpose. I swear, I was only trying to sniff him out.”

“And now you see how deeply embedded he is?” She scoffed and looked away. “What you must think of me.”

“What? No.” Juniper grabbed her arm. “None of that was your fault.”

Adriel turned her face away, her eyes closing in shame as she pursed her lips. Her hands tightened into fists. “I had no one. I was young and foolish.”

“Yousurvived,” Juniper explained. “That’s all that matters now. You did whatever you could to survive and save your son. And here you are…living.”

Adriel nodded tightly. “Yes.”

Juniper slipped her hand into hers and squeezed. “Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to violate your trust.”

She dashed away her tears. “There’s nothing to forgive. You were only trying to help. This is who am. Now you know.”

That was not who she was. Those hideous memories were only part of her. Scars. She was a victim. That was it. An innocent child who was somehow mated to a monster.

The experience of seeing Adriel’s memories bothered Juniper more than she could admit. Dane said mates were supposed to be two halvesof one soul. Yet Cerberus’s presence seemed very surface, up until he physically punctured her life, implanting himself in the whole of her new reality until he alone consumed her entire mind.

That felt very different from the romanticized crap she’d been told. But without seeing the topography of another mated immortal’s mind, she had no basis for comparison and no real data to make sense of what she saw.

Which led her to only wanting to forget it. She needed to erase the visions of Cerberus attacking Adriel, hitting her, and holding her down. Just as Adriel had tried to snuff out the memories, Juniper now tried to do the same.

They needed a break.

“Dane why don’t you make some food. Adriel, can you check on Ruth?”

“What are you going to do?” Dane asked.