Primal Kill (The Order of Vampires #5)

She vowed to save herself for her mate, andthat was not Dane. In the end, it would all be worth the discomfort.

Her hand settled over her pounding heart as she waited for her labored breath to slow. She wiped away a tear. A subtle calmness slowly swept in as she accepted that which her sorrow could not change. Dane was never going to be the other half of her soul.

Cold and heavy, like a glacier, the truth anchored her to this place in time. As a half-breed, he had no place in her future. There was a perfectly suited immortal male out there waiting for her. A true calling would not stir such confusion, and she looked forward to a life of peace.

She craved stability and family. She wanted simple dependability, not passionate kisses that tasted of sin and whispered of darker temptations meant to steer her off course. This was a test of faith, and she planned to honor her mate, not just once they were called, but now and forever.

Yes, Dane leaving was for the best.

The silence calmed her racing heart as she accepted her role, accepted that her body and soul belonged to another. And as the truth blanketed her, her emotions turned to ice.

Numb.

Still.

Perhaps quiet calm was best right now. It certainly softened the pain. But the coldness in her heart was as comforting as it was cruel. There would always live a memory of the warmth Danestirred, and in that memory hid truths untold. They whispered through her in silence even when she prayed, and she wasn’t sure those feelings would ever fully go away.

She loved him.

Tipping her head back in defeat, another tear escaped. She accepted this ache would take time to heal.

Would he ever come back?

Would she ever see him again?

These were questions she should not ask. There was so much she wanted him to know but could never say. It was best that those secrets remain unsaid.

What sweet mercy it would be to meet her mate soon, but there had been no symptoms of a calling, and some immortals waited centuries for that destined moment to arrive. She needed to mend her own heart. Time would help.

Her fingers delicately traced her lips, recalling the press of Dane’s mouth and how his hands awoke her skin through her clothes. His touch had been possessive and fraught with desire. One look into his intense eyes and his heated stare burned through her body like the fire of a thousand suns.

For her own protection, she made him believe his feelings were unmatched, that he was alone in his desperate desires, but Dane had never been alone. She, too, had a storm of want and need raging inside her.

Perhaps he knew all along, so he’d leftwithout a goodbye. He wanted to hurt her, to punish her for being a liar. And so he had.

“One day, you will forgive me.” Her head bowed under the weight of her shame.

Her stubborn denial might have angered him, but he had not witnessed the wretched outcome of unmated souls as she had. Her parents’ love was not enough to prevent the heartache that came when her father was eventually called to his true mate. Her mother was still paying the price.

The consequence of loving a male not ordained by God came with a dear cost Gracie feared. She resolutely committed her life to waiting for her true-called mate, never expecting such a promise of faith to cause such conflict in her heart.

Self-discipline did not negate the consequence, however. Denying her feelings for Dane had cost her—so much so that every encounter left her depleted and weak.

One day, her true mate would claim her, and there would be no resisting the call. She paid Dane a kindness by saving him from such pain. He never fully understood what he was asking. He wasn’t just kissing her. He was asking her to betray not only her destiny but also her god. If he loved her, truly loved her, he would have never asked her to take such a risk.

Her gaze drifted across the floor as the morning light cleaved the darkness. His boots and Colby’s water bowl were gone. Her heartplummeted, the gutting sense of loss expanding until it was all she could feel.

Why did her last words to him have to be in anger?

Falling forward, she sobbed at the injustice, giving herself this moment of unguarded truth to let the ugly resentment inside of her spill free. What if, when she eventually met her mate, she continuously measured him to a memory of Dane?

She needed to let him go. Truly release him from her thoughts once and for all.

A sad fury consumed her, and rather than reel it in like she usually did, she let it out. She could not be like the centurion females of The Order still waiting for their call. Did she have the fortitude to suffer this solitude for a hundred years?

Dane was not fully immortal. Therefore, he had limited time on this earth. He could have been a balm to her loneliness, but then what? No matter what, it all ended in loss.

Sobbing, she belted out her fury at such injustice. What sort of god would allow her these feelings when her soul was predestined for her mate?