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Several minutes pass, and though I can’t say how long it’s been, I know I feel much more at peace now, and I can tell Cece does too. My thoughts have quieted. My emotions, too.
“Are you going to marry Tio Rafa?” Her tone is perfectly calm as I nearly choke on the air caught in my throat. “It’s okay if you’re not. I know sometimes grown-ups look at each other like that, but they don’t get married. Tio Gustavo is like that with his friend, too, and he says he would never ever marry her. And Mommy and Daddy used to sort of look at each other like that, but they don’t anymore. That’s why they got divorced.”
“Oh,” is all I can think to say. “H-how do we look at each other, your Tio Rafa and me?” I’m not sure I should be asking, but she’s five. It’s fine, right?
“Just like I look at my favorite stuffy.” Okay, yeah, this is fine. “Mommy said she forgot to pack her today, so you’ll have to meet her next time.” Next time. My heart breaks a little. She gets a sad look in her eyes before continuing. “I like all of my stuffies, but Pickle is special. I look at Pickle like she’s the one I treasure the most. Like I feel safe with her, and she makes everything good even better, and everything sad a little happier. I never ever want to be away from her. And when I am away from her, I feel sad and I cry, like I did today when Mommy dropped me off. I think Tio Rafa is your Pickle, and you are most definitely definitely his.” She raises her chin, confirming these so-called facts to the open air.
“Oh,” I repeat. That double definitely sends me into a déjà vu of when I asked Rafael if he would take me on a date. “I’m really glad that you have Pickle. She sounds like the best sort of stuffy.”
“She is. She’s my best friend, too.” Her brows scrunch together as she thinks about her next words. “My best not-human friend. Daddy is my best human friend, and Tio Rafa and Tia Dani and everybody who’s here. You can be one of my best human friends, too, if you want.” She doesn’t give me time to respond to that incredibly sweet and heartfelt offer. “But with Pickle, it’s just easy because I can tell her everything. I don’t have to try to explain myself; she just knows me.”
I sit with that for a moment, completely in awe, and yet not at all surprised that the same little girl who offered me her quiet place would offer up this kind of insight.
He’s the one I treasure the most. I feel safe with him. He makes everything good better, and everything sad happier. I never want to be away from him. It’s easy because I can tell him everything; he just knows me.
I think it. My head tells me these are facts.
I feel it. My heart tells me these are truths.
I don’t need anything else. Head and heart are in perfect harmony. I thought this would be scary. I thought giving in to this kind of love would be turbulent and disruptive. But it’s as peaceful as the glassy water on this pond.
A loud whistle sounds from the back of the house, and we both look back to see Ana Maria at the kitchen door with both pinkies at the corners of her mouth.
“Wow.” I can’t hide my surprise.
“Yeah. Bisa is awesome.” With that last bit of truth, Cecilia stands, and we start our quiet walk back to the house. My heart trots along to a steady beat, so completely content to simply be here with these wonderful people.
When we walk in, the youngest brothers are already at the table. Gabriel waits for Cece and helps her into her chair, speaking quietly to her as she points at what she wants to eat. Rafael saddles up beside me, pulling me into him with an arm around my waist.
“Hi, gata.” His smile is full of tenderness, his brown eyes shining on every inch of my face, until a scoff sounds from the table.
“You call your girlfriend gata? That’s like the most basic shit ever.” Marcelo’s smirk turns into a wince.
“That’s five dollars, Tio. You owe the most today.” Cecilia doesn’t even look up from the little puzzle she’s working on.
“Cece, at this rate, I might as well just buy you the book.” Marcelo takes out a bill and hands it to his niece, who pockets it quietly.
“What’s happening?” I ask Raf.
“Cece gets a dollar for every swear word any of us say. She’s saving up the money for a really expensive version of a book about wizards with pop-ups and sh—” He eyes his niece quickly. “Stuff. Anyway, she usually waits until the end of the day or until we get to at least five because she doesn’t want a bunch of dollar bills.” He lets out a small laugh, not because his niece amuses him in a comical way, but like he’s truly impressed by how smart she is.
“Anywayyyyy,” Marcelo drags out the word. “Back to the fact that you chose this pet name, Raf. You couldn’t be a little more original?” He attempts to steal a piece of a shoestring chip off the table, and Daniela smacks him on the back of the head as she walks by on the way to her seat.
“Why is it not original? Doesn’t it mean cat? I mean, I don’t know why you call me that, but maybe it’s because I’m sort of temperamental like a cat?” I ask, looking up at Raf, then back at Marcelo, but I find no answers in his satisfied smirk. Raf takes my hand, leading me out of the room until we’re in the same hallway where he kissed me earlier.
“It does mean cat.” Raf reaches up to grab the back of his neck. “It also means…” His voice lowers to a whisper like he’s worried his family will hear. “Hot. Or sexy.” His eyes are laser-focused on the small space between our feet on the floor, and his cheeks are the color of a ripe peach. It makes me want to kiss him again. It makes me want to hug him and never let him go. And, of course, my brain pinpoints a detail that probably doesn’t need to be mentioned right now.
“You called me that for the first time last year. In Ojai. The day you switched sandwiches with me because mine had…” I shift my feet, so I’m facing Raf, watching as his face softens.
“Mushrooms, yeah. I remember, pretty girl.” He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear as we stand nearly chest to chest, the sound of people moving around the kitchen now even more muffled thanks to the questions sounding off in my head. As if he can hear them too, he says, “Lainey probably forgot to ask for no mushrooms. She was newly pregnant, and we didn’t even know it yet. Honest mistake.” He shrugs. “And yeah, that was months ago. I may not have great vision, but I have eyes. I can see you. I’ve always seen you, Charlie. It was just a little fuzzier before. A little out of focus. But then it was like one day, I put my glasses on, and everything was so clear. You became so clear. You became my only focus. The only thing I even wanted to look at anymore.”
Raf blows out a heavy breath and sniffles. This man and his emotions. They’re all always out here, out in the open. I take his face in my hands as he blinks back the tears that have welled in his eyes.
“No tears on your birthday, all right?” I kiss him lightly, and he nods into the kiss, wrapping both of his arms around me. He lowers his face to my neck and kisses the same spot so many times I lose count.
“Roses. My favorite.” He leaves one final kiss on my nose, smiling down at me. “Let’s go eat?”
“Let’s go,” I answer and begin to make my way toward the kitchen. He smacks my bum lightly as I walk away, and I yelp. By the time we come into view of everyone else, we’re both giggling as if we had just been doing far naughtier things in that hallway, and now it’s my turn to have rosy cheeks.