Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

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geez. we’re in my family home.

rafael

Not today. For now.

Fuck.

She’s going to end it.

Charlie is going to end whatever this is, and it might just end me because I’m so fucking in love with her, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to recover.

Well, fuck thinking about that. It’s not over, so I’m taking every second she’ll give me. Every smile. Every kiss. Every chance to soothe her obvious nerves over meeting my family and this whole situation. I’m going to keep giving her all of me. I just hope it’s enough in the end.

If there’s anything I’m good at, it’s covering up how I actually feel and pretending everything is okay. Though I had stopped doing that with Charlie. She saw me at my most vulnerable. Took care of me. The only women who have ever done that before are the two who raised me. The two who prepared my requested cake today and who are, without a doubt, anxiously waiting for us to get out of the car and greet them.

The rest of our friends not being here today is intentional. Maeve, Owen, and Jules sent a very sweet video, and Adam, Elaina and Agnes surprised me on the morning of my actual birthday a few days ago with muffins and a gift. The baby snuggles were also awesome. I just figured, even with people she knows, this might feel too overwhelming for Charlie. They all agreed, and the girls thought it was nice that she would get to meet my family. Because, you know, we’re friends.

And now, here we are.

I keep my hold on her knee a moment longer before I squeeze and let go. “Ready?” I’m not sure that I am, but we’re here. When I see her nod, I open my door and walk around to open hers. She’s carrying the bag with whatever gift she’s brought for today. I didn’t even remember to ask about it.

My hand remains on her lower back as we approach the house, and she relaxes into the touch. When I open the front door, reluctantly letting her go, the place isn’t as noisy as it usually is on a Sunday. “Hello?” I hear the patter of little feet, and then I see a head of brown hair rounding the corner.

“Tio Rafa! Finally!” I barely have time to crouch down before Cecilia’s little body crashes into mine. Her short arms wrap around my neck so tightly it nearly hurts, and I squeeze her right back, picking her up and swaying us so her little legs dangle around me.

“Hey, if it isn’t my favorite niece. How are you, my brilliant girl?” I lower us so her feet touch the floor again as she giggles.

“I’m your only niece, you silly goose.” Cece’s green eyes are full of joy, and I’m immediately more at ease, knowing that today is going to be incredible no matter what. Charlie is quiet behind me, and I sense the tension the moment my niece notices the stranger in the room.

“Cece, I brought my friend Charlie with me today. She’s very nice. Do you remember when I told you about her?” She nods, moving closer to me. Meeting new people is hard for Cece, but I’m glad Gabriel was able to have her here today. In my peripheral vision, I see Charlie lowering to her knees next to me, setting her things on the floor.

“Hi, Cecilia. You have a beautiful name. What does it mean?” Charlie keeps her hands close to her body and gives my niece, who doesn’t look up, space.

“It’s from the Latin name Caecilia, which comes from the word caecus, which means blind or hidden. But my whole name is Ana Cecilia, so I have part of Bisa’s name too. Ana means gracious.” Cece shrugs, still holding on to my arm tightly as Charlie hums.

“That’s very interesting. Thank you for sharing all of that with me. My name is Charlotte, but I like to be called Charlie.” There’s a beat of silence, then she continues, “I’m pretty nervous about going in there today, Cecilia. Meeting new people is really hard for me.”

Cece’s head pops up, and she takes Charlie—whose eyes are down on the floor—in for the first time. “It’s hard for me to meet new people, too.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job with me. I can already tell I’m going to like you very much.” She does look up then and offers my niece a genuine smile. “I might need to ask your uncle for one of his special hugs later if I get a little…”

“Overwhelmed?” Cece finishes for her. No one bats an eyelash at the five-year-old saying a word like that because that’s just Cece. “That’s what my daddy calls it when I need time out.”

“That’s exactly right. Overwhelmed. I usually need a little time out, too, when I’m in a new place or if it gets a little too loud.” Charlie winces, showing my niece what they have in common.

“Our family can be loud, but I promise they’re nice. So, if it gets too loud, I have a special spot I go to. And special headphones. I could share them with you if you need them.” Cece’s grip on me loosens, and she stands a little straighter. The tears in my eyes are immediate as I reach out to touch Charlie’s arm, lowering my hand until our fingers are linked.

“That’s—” Charlie clears her throat of the emotion lodged inside it. “That’s really kind of you, Cecilia. I really appreciate that. Actually,” she pauses, “it’s very gracious of you to share things that are so special to you. Thank you.”

“Cece?” My brother’s deep voice sounds from down the hall. Gabriel stops when he takes in the scene, not missing the tears I don’t bother hiding. “You made Titio cry already? And on his birthday?” There’s no actual mockery in his tone, but I sense Charlie tense next to me. I guess she might as well know now.

“He cries a lot. But he’s so productive, right Titio?” She gives me a loud kiss on the cheek then, and I laugh, not understanding whatever little inside joke she just told herself. Squeezing Charlie’s fingers, we both move to stand. Cece lets go of me and takes her dad’s hand. “Daddy, this is Tio Rafa’s friend, Charlie. She gets overwhelmed like me, so be nice to her, k?” My heart squeezes almost painfully with all of the emotions inside it.

Gabe brushes Cece’s hair off her forehead, then extends the same hand to Charlie. “Hi, Charlie. I’m Gabriel. It’s great to meet you.” He gives her an apologetic look for his daughter’s comment, but Charlie smiles down at her, mouthing thank you.

“Nice to meet you too,” Charlie says as she shakes his hand. “Your daughter just quoted Taylor Swift. Did you know that?”