Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

In the end I concluded that I think Rafael could be treating me the way he is out of obligation as my relationship coach. I think he could simply be an overly affectionate person who can handle this kind of attachment to someone and then can let them go. I also think it’s difficult for me to discern between liking something versus liking it specifically with him.

But what I feel is his sincerity in everything he does. I feel myself falling for a man I never expected to need in my life so thoroughly. I feel incredibly confused about what this all means.

Since I couldn’t tell who was right—my brain or my heart—I decided to at least give Rafael an answer about Sunday.

ME:

If you still want me there, I’d really like to meet your family.

We don’t even have to do any of the relationship practice.

I can just be there as your friend.

It will probably be the only time I ever see them all, and I’d really like to apologize to his parents in person about putting their son in the hospital, maybe get a hug from Vó before I mess everything up.

After a few minutes of staring at my phone, I’m about to go distract myself with something else when his message comes through.

RAFAEL:

Of course I want you there. In whatever capacity you want.

I think it’s relief I’m feeling, based on the way I just let out the breath that was lodged in my chest. I don’t know if I want to keep up the practicing. I don’t think we should. Things feel too muddy.

ME:

Whose birthday is it? I’d like to bring something for them.

RAFAEL:

Don’t worry about that, please. No gifts.

ME:

Come on.

This is me we’re talking about.

I absolutely will worry about it.

Just tell me what they like at least?

Promise it’ll be something small.

Don’t make me show up empty-handed.

RAFAEL:

Fine. Reading. Same taste in books as me.

And thank you. That’s very thoughtful of you.

I briefly wonder if it’s one of his brothers, but there’s no way, statistically speaking, that more than one Machado man reads romance, is there? Must be his mum or his sister, and given they like what Rafael likes, I know just what to get them, because it’s what I would get for Rafael himself if it were his birthday.

My mind wanders to how I’m getting to Siesta tomorrow. I drove that little bit with Rafael and then to and from the hospital. I’m perfectly capable of driving myself, so that’s what I’ll do.

RAFAEL:

Pick you up at eleven tomorrow. See you then, shorty.